Psycho

-somatic, that is. I've decided that I'm a hypochondriac, and my gallbladder troubles are really just a pulled muscle or some odd injury. And that is the diagnosis I'm sticking with, until I hear back from the surgeon hopefully later today. Before I went in for my hida scan yesterday, I even told the tech that I've diagnosed myself with a pulled muscle, and I am really just here to be polite and get his confirmation. We agreed to roll with my self-diagnosis, not because I am a doctor, but because I have watched them on TV. That tech was fun. He made the 90+ minutes of sheer BOREDOM pass a little faster.

Okay. So the first part of the hida scan, they inject radioactive nastiness into a vein in your arm. Your body senses this as something that must be dealt with by producing bile. So, while you lay on the table with a giant camera over your belly, you get to watch your innards light up on a nearby monitor. First was my liver, lit up like Christmas. Beautiful liver, he said.

Then the radioactive goodness moves to your gallbladder. Very interesting to track the movement, for about, oh, three minutes. Then you remember how bored you are. Anyway, my gallbladder just lit up perfectly and looked extremely healthy and capable. We were well on our way to confirming my pulled-muscle diagnosis.

The second part of the test, they give you another drug to simulate having just eaten a big meal. This contracts your gallbladder, whose job it is to now push all that radioactive glow into your small intestine.

Hmm.

While on the first part of the test, I got the equivalent of a giant gold star on my medical chart, for this part, I got some tsk-tsk'ing and concerned clucking. "Well," he said, "it would be nice if your gallbladder were moving this stuff out as quickly as it moved it in."

Still - it moved it and I am writing this up in the "win" column. He said they have ranges of time established where there's normal, slow and completely stalled out. They will take measurements, do calculations, and announce a verdict to my doctor hopefully later today. I still say it's a pulled muscle.

Yesterday was a complete CF (fill in with three-syllable bad word), anyway. My appointment was for 9 am, but when I checked in at the hospital, it turns out they had scheduled me for TODAY at 9 am. I think someone had their dates mixed up, because based on my scheduling conversation, we had been clearly talking about yesterday at 9 am. Anyway. I had fasted overnight, then couldn't get in. They shuffled things around to see me at 1 pm, but I still had to fast. I made the decision to not understand their fasting instructions and allowed myself to get a cup of tea, because I was sooooo mad. I ended up sitting at the hospital all day, just waiting. I called the hematologist to see if I could drop by for my overdue blood draw -- nope. No appointments available for the five minute blood draw. Whatever. They did agree to fax over a lab work order to the hospital, so thankfully I was able to have it done there while I waited. They prefer that I use their lab. I prefer that I not take any more time off for my health this nonsense.

After the 90+ minute test, I jetted over to the GYN for a surgical consult on the ablation/ligation. Ugh, I thought it was just a consult, but since this doctor was new to me, he wanted to do a full-on physical assault. Right down to the PAP and breast exam. By the end of the day, I was weary, weary. I'm scheduled for 1/26 for both procedures, an outpatient thing - presuming I don't need my gallbladder out. If so, we'll go back to the drawing board.

I had a date planned last night with the Capricorn - just meeting for drinks. But man, I was worn out, and he was working until 8p, which was just too stinking late for me. I had expected at least one or two of my kids home last night (they are on winter break) but they decided to stay with their dad. Happily, I got to lay around in bed and go to sleep early, then drag myself out of bed late this morning.

I'm thinking of going back to the drawing board on the dating stuff. I like Capricorn, but I think some of the shininess has worn off too quickly. It's a balance, because he is a lot like me - very genuine and without pretense. I talk too candidly right away for many people's tastes. But something stressful is going on at his work and they are doing a lot of unplanned overtime. This is cool, of course. And it's sweet that he is still checking in daily with a quick email or text, but last week's emails were fun and upbeat. This week's emails are a series of "How is your day going? I'm so slammed here, blah blah blah..." Decidedly not fun. I don't know you well enough to be able to generate much empathy or interest in how stressful things are at work. And because last week's emails were so fun - this is feeling a bit bi-polar to me. Who can't muster a little bit of joy or humor?

I even asked him, basically, if he was giving me the brushoff, if now wasn't a good time for him to be dating. If he wasn't interested, I would understand. No, no, he said, that's not it, he definitely wants to see me - he just has to deal with this and it is very stressful. Plus, he is bummed because he is not going out of town for Christmas due to lack of funds, and he is disappointed.

Whatevs. I am reminded of an episode of Sex in the City, when Carrie's boyfriend Burger (Berger?) was telling Miranda that a guy just wasn't in to her. (I think they were playing off the book, which became a movie.) "If he's into you, he's booking the next date. He's coming up to your place, even if he has an early meeting." Anyway, after our first few dates - Capricorn was into me, he was booking the next date. We would have met last night if I hadn't canceled, but I'm not feeling any...urgency. And even if he were interested, the change in tenor of our messages has my interest level down to next to nothing. My own life is stressful and chaotic enough. I've got my own financial issues, and the kids take up all my energy. Mama's play time is just that: play time. Not try-to-bring-broody-new-friend-back-up time.

Oh well. :) Happily, I am discovering there are lots of men to draw from out there. Joyous new chapter!