Thursday, April 10, 2014

I Like to Ride My Bicycle, I Like to Ride My Bike

Spring has sprung!! I have been enjoying riding my bike home after work, and as the weather picks up I am committed to riding at least three days per week. It is glorious - really, there is not much more fun things to do than ride a bike. Seriously.

And since the scale has been breaking my heart and also making me hate my blog, today I am not posting a scale picture, but instead, a couple pictures that actually make me happy and proud of myself. :)

That's 76 miles I didn't log on a bus this month.

Okay, this is a goofball picture.
Haha, the picture of me on the bike - I stopped at the I-90 bridge overlook, roughly half way home on my commute. There was a little girl, probably six years old, on a tag-along thing on her dad's bike. And I asked her to take my picture: she was very sweet, "Oh, my dad knows how to do that, not me!" I told her I bet she could take a great picture for me. She said she didn't want to hurt my phone if I dropped it. By this point, I'm totally coercing her to take the picture, haha, as I explain that I have three kids and a super strong, super waterproof case on my phone! So she took the picture. I looked at it, and realized what a terrible photographer she was, capturing me with such a goofball expression on my face! ;) Ah well, it was a beautiful day and I am happy, happy, happy when I ride my bike. Except up hills. Then I'm pretty damn whiny and remarkably weak and slow. :)

So, I did buy a new scale for my bathroom and I have been using it. I am damn tired of posting about it, though, so I will commit to continuing to weigh myself weekly and track it on myfitnesspal, but right now I am done talking about it on the blog. Grr. >:)

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Weigh-In Wednesday: Bye Week Edition

Well, I was stepping into the shower this morning and remembered it was Wednesday, and remembered I gave my daughter my new scale last week. And it was alllllllllllll they way upstairs, and I was already nekked and stepping into the shower...

And I thought, "screw it." :)

That old scale, well, I told my daughter A that she didn't need to use it, either. I think it's dying. And she has been doing soooooooooooooooo well on her eating plan for, gosh, I don't know, two or three weeks now? I figured she deserved a scale that had screaming bright numbers and an implied accuracy to those numbers. I'll pick up a new scale at Costco this weekend. It's too far for me to go visit hers, haha, and I think G also benefits from having a scale handy. ;)

It wasn't a great eating week, anyway. G and I went out of town for the weekend, and while I largely kept my eating in check, there was too much snacking and too much food, in general. I confess I am not eager to face that bad ole scale at all.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Weigh-In Wednesday: Working Mama Triathlon Edition

What bright future lies ahead!! Spring is coming, spring is coming!! This week I was able to spend some quality time outdoors: walking several times to get my youngest from daycare, one day even diverting to a different bus that dropped me farther from home, so I could stretch a .8 mile walk into a 3.0 mile walk on my way to get him. (Only to be reminded by staff that his dad had picked him up earlier in the afternoon, hahaha, thus making my trip a WASTED WALK! Not really, it was wonderful to be outside and I felt stronger and healthier and I am increasingly believing (remembering) that the key to my sanity is exercise and some alone time.)

I rode my bike home from work twice: once I already posted about and then again yesterday. Such good timing, because this morning is junky and rainy. I was very proud that I pushed myself to take advantage of the weather window (I work in construction in Seattle, you have no idea how many times a day I hear the phrase "weather window" this time of year, haha, as my project managers all scramble to get their construction contracts in place in time to build this summer.)

Yesterday's ride was glorious, too, although it was 7 degrees cooler than my last ride (50 degrees versus 57) and I learned that seven degrees matters. I was chilled for the first maybe quarter of the ride before my body warmed up. And then I was just GREAT, even across the long Lake Washington bridge, which I had feared would be windy, but really wasn't.

Riding all the way home, I cracked myself up, thinking about what I called my "Working Mama Triathlon" that I would do that afternoon:

Biking (11 miles)

Chasing (split: 0.8 mile walk there followed by
0.8 mile very spirited game of "Rock Soccer" home.)
Rock Soccer is freaking exhausting. He kicks the rock, I chase it.

My favorite: Competitive Wine Soaking. 

The scale continues to be an enemy this week, but I am resigned to the fact that I need to make some unwanted changes in order to see the results I want. This week, I would say my eating was pretty good - I am getting lots of protein and not terribly many carbs. Not too many sweets, either.

The failing this week? Wine. Way too much wine! I have my reasons: G is home with an injured knee, awaiting *another* knee surgery (other knee this time). Maybe it's my shortcoming, maybe it's his, but I find house-not-quite-husbands stressful to have around. I have given a great deal of thought to this, and I am pretty sure it's my shortcoming, not his, haha. Maybe I'll delve into this later. :)

Also, G's mom stayed with us for a couple days last week. Again, my shortcoming, not hers. This was a great visit, just a couple nights in duration. I have never had house guests before, never had family that lived out of town (that I am close to) and for whatever reason, this is just stressful to me.

I think I'm a head case. :) I also continue to feel like I sometimes struggle with my first grown-up relationship, wherein I attempt to have everything my way all the time and...I am sometimes denied. WHA??

Anyway, I have never been much of a drinker but I feel myself falling into this "glass or two a night" trap that I think affected the scale this week. G has a drink or two in the evening, it is easy to join him, especially when I am feeling stressed.

Hell, I live in Washington, I may have to take up pot to relax. ;)

Chill, baby. Bike season is here.

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Weigh-In Wednesday: Beautiful Spring Day Edition

Oh my goodness, it couldn't have been more beautiful in Seattle yesterday! (Unless maybe it's today!) It was just glorious outside, so much so that look who I loaded onto the bus bright and early in the morning to ride home for the first time yesterday afternoon:

Aw, baby, I've missed you soooooooooo much.
Well, I did get on that scale yesterday morning even though, again, it was the last thing in the world I wanted to do. I thought about skipping it, actually. Tuesday night had just SUCKED and I had fallen asleep feeling very sorry for myself, then I had lain awake from, oh, about 1:00 a.m. to 4:00 a.m., still feeling sorry for myself. So getting on the scale was not high on the list of ways I wanted to make myself feel good on Wednesday morning! But I did it anyway. My logic was, it wasn't going to be any more fun on Thursday morning, haha.

Whatever. Maybe this is just what I weigh.
Do you just hate love how BRIGHT those numbers are on the scale indication? Your weight, seared into your retinas at 5:00 a.m. Lovely. :)

But now I'm going to stop talking about my sucky week and my sucky weight and I'm going to say that yesterday I rode my bike home and it was heavenly. Beyond heavenly, it was just magical. How on earth can bike riding be SO FUN?? I just love it. I may not love it in a wow, it's 42 degrees outside and pouring down rain, I think I will go ride my bike home from work in the dark way, but I absolutely LOVE it in a WOW, IT'S FIFTY-SEVEN DEGREES AND GORGEOUS OUTSIDE AND I AM COUNTING DOWN THE HOURS UNTIL I CAN BLOW THIS POPSICLE STAND AND GET OUT ON MY BIKE way!

Sure, it's a bit of a hassle. I simply do not have time to ride my bike to work in the morning. I maybe rather prefer the ride to work over the ride home (not sure on this one as they both have their merits!). You gotta get your bike to the bus stop (wha, put on all the cycling shoes and helmet and such for a few block ride??) and then you gotta load the bike on the bus. Pause for a long dramatic moment as your forehead breaks out into a light sweat as mine does...will there be space on the bike racks? Will it be easy access front space, or oh ufck, it's the hard back space(s)? Will cars honk? (Ok, cars don't usually honk, but mightn't they, one day?

So much packing involved. Yesterday was a very last minute decision to ride my bike. G wasn't going to work, it was supposed to be a very sunny day, and I needed to lift my spirits. Why not? My bike was not prepared, though, and neither was I. Bike shoes needed to be located, helmet dug out from a moving box in the garage. Tire pressure added. Stuff. What to bring? What not to bring?

Well, I made it, anyway. I forgot a water bottle, and my lunch, but I survived. :) And I FLEW out of the office at the end of the day and did a complicated strip tease in the parking garage, changing shoes and out of pants and, and, and...

(See, last year, I would have have walked out the office in my bike shorts and shoes, etc. But this year, I was just really happy that my bike shorts still fit - a relative term, I'll admit - so those pants went back on over the shorts to get me out of the building without undue scrutiny by my peers, haha.)

The ride home was glorious. I would have stopped and taken a picture to illustrate, if I hadn't been so happy just enjoying myself. Sure, the hills were hard. My legs were weak and weary. I didn't feel as much of the POWER as I felt riding late last summer, but hopefully that will come back. :)

And hey, I was riding through the most perilous part of my commute, the International District near the bus tunnel, a street fraught with buses and train tracks and pedestrians and cars and turn lanes and taxis and bums and OH MY GOODNESS that one block stretch of road is just STRESSFUL. And at the height of it, I kid you not, a fan man yelled out, "Go, Julie, go!" as I passed by.

I know a lot of people downtown, I would say, having worked here for half my life. And I will probably not ever figure out who yelled out to me at that busy train station bus stop unless they mention it in passing. But on a perfect sunny day, when I was so super happy to be back on my bike...well, heck, that just made my day.

Go, Julie, go!!

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Weigh-In Wednesday: What-EVER Edition

It was actually a good week. My eating, while not beyond reproach, has been good. And on Tuesday morning, I was feeling optimistic about what the scale would show today. But then I started my period.

What-EVER. :) I will just be glad that I can honestly say I am quite satisfied with my eating this week.

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Weigh-In Wednesday: My Brand New, Smashed to Bits Scale

Well, I bought a new scale for the master bathroom this week, not wanting to deprive my daughter nor G of the sheer joy it is to step on a scale once in awhile. Plus, my daughter's bathroom is so much nicer than mine, and when I weighed in her bathroom, I used her shower. Which made me feel sorry for myself with my teeny tiny shower stall. Which made me resent my 15 year old daughter for having such a luxurious space to herself. Which made me beat her. Oops, okay, that part didn't happen! But I did decide that perhaps downstairs bathroom people should stay out of the more plush upstairs bathrooms unless they planned to either wallow in grief for their tiny shower stall, or drag themselves all the way up the stairs to take a shower every morning. First world problems, I know!

So. New scale. Let me start by saying that the morning started off rough, as sleeping with G can be like sleeping with a newborn baby. He is up on the hour, every hour, it seemed, or at least last night he was. Most nights, it seems, although I have become better at cultivating my ability to sleep through it, haha. But at 1 a.m. he bashed his leg on the footboard of the bed for oh, I don't know, the 1000th time this week, but THIS time it surprised him and he screamed loud enough to wake me out of a dead sleep.

Plus the night before, I had a horrific nightmare about a spider, and I went to sleep afraid that I would dream about it again. What did this nightmare spider do? It existed. That's all it needed to do. In my dream, I ran across it in a crowded corner of a garage (not ours, thank goodness, or I'd be afraid it was a premonition). It was HUGE. With a fat, round purple body. In my dream, I was so terrified of it, I couldn't move. And it was trying to get away from me, but in doing so, it CAME TOWARD ME. In my dream, I was so scared I was even unable to scream, or move. It finally ran down a wall and its spell was broken and I was able to run across the garage. But horrifically, I could still see it on the wall from across the garage, it was so huge. 

In my dreams, I can never scream. Most of my nightmares center upon how utterly without voice I am, at a time I need to be able to scream. I hope, should the awful need arise in real life, I could manage more than the raspy squeaks I eek out in my dreams. I pray I never have to find out. :)

Well, two days later you can see how badly that spider dream terrified me, but it was no match for the horror I found waiting for me on the new scale:

Haha, I wish. I guess that's the New Scale Motivational Sticker.
Before I share my shame, let me make my excuses. I was so EXHAUSTED this morning, I utterly and truly forgot it was Weigh-In Wednesday until I was happily in the shower, minding my own business. And you know I have a weighing routine on Wednesdays: pee, weigh, shower. Never the three shall be done out of order.

Except today. I decided that I was really just postponing the inevitable if I didn't weigh in. Things are not going well and me and my bloated body know it. G and I rode the motorcycle to work yesterday for the first time in a long while, and when I put on my pants after the long season of not riding, I thought, "Okay, you've got maybe a couple more rides at this rate before you have to go buy new motorcycle pants." The pants that fit me from the time G and I first met (they were his son's quad-riding pants) do not so much fit me right now. I couldn't button them (to stay buttoned) although I could zip them. It would be mortifyingly embarrassing to have to buy new motorcycle pants, I'm telling you. And what a waste of money!

I can't feel my ribs and hips the way I've gotten so accustomed to doing, anymore. My breasts feel huge and round and heavy. My chest, or d├ęcolletage, feels puffy and padded. I am miserable in my own body.

Another excuse is that I had some major dental work on Thursday, and spent much of the next several days on pain pills, which wreak havoc on my digestion, despite all my best efforts. But I remedied that situation on Sunday - although I still took some pain pills up through last night, I have been really suffering. :( So, constipation is an issue, but it's not *the* issue.

Finally, who's to say the new scale isn't more accurate than the old one? I may replace the one in my daughter's bathroom, too, it's so dramatically different. How old is that old scale, I wonder?

And the new scale wasn't going to pull any punches, either. Look how bright those numbers are! They seared themselves in my eyes. Blech. 

Oh sure, *now* you'll orient the pictures in the right direction.

I can say all the things I need to say, but I keep saying them without doing the right things. So for right now I'm just gonna shut my g*d mouth. That's the biggest thing I need to do to take off the weight anyway, hahaha.

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Weigh-In Wednesday: Stoopidhead Scale Edition

How fun it is for me to post Weigh-In Wednesday pictures week after week, as I bounce up and down the full gamut of the 160s! It has become one of my very most favorite things to do, and talk about. Not.

I do believe, if nothing else, that Weigh-In Wednesday has done a lot to get my weight in check (argh, and even that's all relative), although I'm clearly not losing. Things had gotten ugly with the scale and my scale avoidance, and my I've ruined it all now, I might as well eat whatever I want philosophy. Nice to know that even after all the weight gain, surgeries and weight loss, I'm still my same old food-ufcked twisted self underneath it all. Insert deeeeeep self-pitying sigh.

I'm so over it.

Now, at least, I'm hoisting my ass onto that scale every Wednesday without letting myself off the hook. I started back up with and yesterday's eating was 1248 calories. This is actually a lot, considering I had only protein shakes during the day! But what I hate?? HATE??? My Fitness Pal says "if you ate like this every day, in five weeks you would weigh 163 pounds."

I simply do not need many calories to operate this machine. I hate that the reality is that 1200 calories don't go very far, and if I eat that, or certainly any more than that, I gain weight.


Can you tell how cranky I am about this this morning? Haha. Yesterday I had three Muscle Milk Light protein shakes from Costco (which are lactose free and thus did not give me the nausea, gas and bloating that the Costco Premier Brand shakes had started doing to me so badly). Dinner was not a wise selection, as when I learned that Greg was working surprise OT until midnight, we switched from the planned grilled salmon and broccoli to canned chili over Fritos with lettuce and melted cheese. Haha! Hello, children, Mommy's home! Did you have doubts that Greg is not the lynch pin to all this wonderful eating and delicious meals? Nope, when he's gone, the old mommy resurfaces! ;)

Well, in my defense, there was a reason. We had the salmon all defrosted and a yummy meal planned, and G was looking forward to it, too. And yesterday, running for the bus, which I very nearly missed AGAIN, I hurt something in my back, or hip, or thigh, or something. I did this last week, too, but yesterday my body SCREAMED out in protest. Really super painful. My objectives last night upon arriving home were to take a hot epsom salt bath and find the right combination of drugs and alcohol to make my body stop killing me. ;)

Frito taco salad was a perfect meal to direct my 12yo budding chef to prepare without assistance, in other words. :)

I need to go see a physical therapist about whatever is going on. I fear that the 30-day ab challenge situps have done horrifying things to my lower back and spinal fusion. This is an awful nerve pain, I have something way tweaked and I'm a little scared. :( When I had that spinal fusion, they said it's an excellent 10-year remedy to all the pain, and December 2014 is ten years. :'( I truly believe that this is just aggravated from the sit-ups, which I will surely not be doing any more of. I have been largely pain-free for so long, I am not toooooo worried about returning to the old pre-fusion days of back pain so bad I didn't care if I lived or died. But I am a teensy bit scared.

Anyway. This is day two of protein shakes during the day (which are vile, but better than the Premier brand for me). I am delighted to have found something that I can use to kick-start myself, as I think I need a mental reset with regard to eating, eating, eating...always seem to be eating these days. Yesterday, I thought I would starve. to. death but today I am feeling good about taking control.

Onward and upward. Err, downward. You know what I mean. :)

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Weigh-In Wednesday: On-Time Edition!

Hey - it's Wednesday and I weighed in, as usual, but I'm actually posting it on Wednesday! Or that is my intention as I start out, haha.

The scale pleased me this morning.
Weigh-in day got off to a lurching start as I remembered the event as I was stepping into the shower. Because I am superstitious and ridiculous, I only like to weigh in before I take a shower. God only knows how much water weight that adds on in the shower! So I turned off the shower, left the bathroom to retrieve my phone, came back in to hop on the scale. Which was nowhere to be found in my tiny downstairs bathroom.

I had a pretty good idea who may have taken the scale, so I grabbed my camera/phone and ventured upstairs to my sleeping 15-year-old's room. Sure enough, there was the scale in a corner of her bathroom! I decided to leave it there, as it is probably good for her to have access to it, as well. I just took my picture there - her bathroom floor is so much nicer than mine, don't you think?

So, Alli and I are on Day 9 of the 30-day ab challenge. I was dragged into participating, but I'm glad. I am a little concerned that since embarking on this great adventure, my low back spinal fusion has been very sore. Like sore when I go to bed, sore when I wake up. Yesterday was a rest day, so when I do today's challenge I will try to use really great posture. When I was briefly lifting weights, I had this same sort of problem, but it was mid-back above the fusion. I expect that was probably due to poor posture while lifting, and my back is just not at all forgiving about that sort of thing. I am thinking, as I sit here in pain first thing in the morning, that probably sit-ups and crunches are not going to be a great thing for me to be doing. However the ab challenge also includes Leg Lifts! and Planks! so I will modify as necessary to continue doing the challenge with Alli.

Monday, February 10, 2014

Weigh-In Wednesday: Very Belated Edition

Oops, I did weigh in last Wednesday, but have been super, super busy and didn't have time to post it here. Just holding steady, I guess!

I do not understand the random photo orientation on these pictures!
Well, I am not happy with the numbers but I am not unhappy, either, I suppose. This week I did do my mini-workout of walking my youngest to and/or from school several times. I also pooped out on it several times. :) It was COLD here last week! Also, my oldest made plans for my limited evening hours on at least one occasion, demanding to be taken grocery shopping or else she'd wage war on me. Teenage, hormonal war, ugh. I'll pick the unplanned trip to the grocery store every time, haha.

Last week was busy with, among other things, the parade to end all parades! The city was *OVERRUN* with Seahawks fans, and I was happy to be out in the incredibly huge throngs of crowds along with everyone else. Crazy! They say 750,000 people or more crowded onto the 4th Avenue to cheer the Seahawks for their Super Bowl win. I wouldn't doubt the estimated numbers, I have never seen anything like it. I have some pictures, but the one I wanted to post here was the one that reminded me that even though I am struggling with my weight, I don't need to beat myself senseless about it, either. This is a nice picture of me and my coworker, whom you may remember I call my Sugar Daddy*.

Greg says Don and I make a nice looking couple, haha.
*Well, Sugar Daddy is tongue in cheek, as when I started working with him, he and his longtime partner, Doug, owned two beautiful homes in Seattle, both of which were for sale. They had decided to live in whichever one didn't sell first. I was very recently a single mom, and I lobbied hard for him to give me one of the properties, which he did not. Even though I offered him the ready-made family his mom had always longed for from him, haha. Anyway, Don doesn't deliver often on his Sugar Daddy role, but he does occasionally treat me to lunch or SBUX. :)

Aw, I take some of my favorite pictures with Don.
A trip down memory lane: this was from August 2012.

Alright, more later! My oldest turns fifteen today, it's a happy occasion!

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Weigh-In Wednesday: Thursday Edition

This is actually from yesterday, but it was a very technologically challenging day for me and I wasn't able to post here. It started out bad: I noticed that the scale, when I stepped on it, was looking a little dim. I was also taking the picture in my new bathroom at the new house, and so when I moved the scale to try for better lighting - the weight was significantly different. Uh-oh. I tried a few locations and still the number fluctuated within 5 pounds or so.

So I changed the batteries on the scale, thinking this might help a bit. Not really. Maybe the bathroom floor is uneven. It is on the ground floor of a daylight rambler, so the floor is concrete, I'm sure. I moved the scale to a place that seems nice and level, and it gave me the same weight several times in a row, so I decided that's just the weight we'll go with, and I'll weigh in the same spot each time.

I went to take a picture and my iPhone camera was full and wouldn't take any pictures. Isht. People, I am doing all this in the morning before I take my shower (and after I go pee, haha)! I gotta get ready! Plus I have three kids to get ready! Ok, deleted some pictures. Snapped a couple pictures from the phone. The numbers are still dim - I wonder if this old scale is giving up the ghost? Now that we're in a bigger house with more bathrooms, maybe I'll pick up another scale. Everyone in the house should have the same opportunity for the joy that is stepping on the scale in the morning, bah.

Who even knows if this is accurate.
I wouldn't have been surprised to see the number skyrocket from last week. I just feel *fat.* Really bulky. Very unhappy with my body. Blech. An effect of weight gain after the tummy tuck is that my tummy doesn't (didn't, anyway) have fat cells to fill up, so fat goes to other parts of your body. Specifically for me, boobs, thighs and arms. I feel like the Michelin tire man. Blargh!

On a good note, we are all moved into the new place and we all love it! It will take some time to get settled in, but we have actually made wonderful progress and in some places, it is looking quite homey. To celebrate a nice new house, we are doing things like taking our shoes off at the door, the kids are making their beds in the morning, etc. No food or drink in bedrooms. Eating at the table only. This is largely due to the fact that the old house was all hardwood and this house is all nice clean carpet. Greg is ecstatic about that, he doesn't like hardwoods. I prefer hardwoods over carpet, myself. But the move was a great time to make some new habits and keep the house looking nice.

Hey - on another good note, I got back gobs of money from the old house: last month's rent, full month's security deposit, plus I sold my w/d to the new landlord. I used this money and rolled it right into PAYING OFF MY TUMMY TUCK! Yay! This is a big win, as it's no fun having credit card debt rolling around sucking up money and accumulating interest.

I have a couple fitnessy plans in the works, though neither of them are particularly groundbreaking. I'm going to cancel the Y membership, since we are rarely using it. Greg and his f'ing family cooked formal dinners really screw with doing anything else in the evening outside the home, I will admit. :) When it was just me and the kids, we ate out I would guess 3-4 times a week. When I made dinner at home, it was lots of prepared foods. We do neither with Greg, haha.  There are advantages and disadvantages to this, for sure. I have a nice gym in my building at work and dues are less than $30. Sabrina and I are going to join, and I'm just going to figure out a way to get up there, even for 20 minutes at a time. I dunno.

I'll at least get a little walk in every day as we're about a mile away from Reid's daycare. I'm planning to have Greg drop me off there and Reid and I will walk home. When there's time, I'll go home with Greg and walk to and from the daycare so I'm picking up a little more time. The kids (and dinner, dinner, don't forget thinking about and planning and preparing dinner) fill up this time, though, as lacrosse starts next week and my daughter's extra-curricular's require a fair bit of ferrying around after work, too.

Sheesh, I just made myself tired writing this out. I miss my bike.