Monday, June 17, 2013

Slipping Away

Time, that is. I am looking at my last post and marveling at how quickly time gets away from me!

I did have my scar revision surgery last week. At first, I would have been hesitant to call it "surgery," thinking it was just a tiny little process, but, HEY - that was surgery! Yikes. I had a local anesthetic; the worst part of the whole day was the 1000 local numbing shots he had to give me on my tummy and both hips (he touched up the tiny little skin puckers at the ends of both tummy tuck incisions). Numbing shots hurt. Period.

He cut a long, skinny ellipse out of my tummy scar where it had widened, then stitched me back up tight. I told Kim afterward that although I hadn't had any other medication, I think the stress/nerves of it got to me, because after I left the office I was shaking like a leaf. Adrenaline, probably.

Well, I'm very glad I had it done and already went back in to have the stitches removed (for the initial surgery, all my stitches were internal, but for whatever reason I have removable stitches at all three sites this time. 

No triathlon for me this last weekend. :( The organizers were very nice and gave me a 50% off coupon for next year's event, so that's cool. I am really bummed to have missed it. My doctor and I were laughing, though, he said I *could* do the triathlon if I wanted to find out exactly what sort of grossness I could subject my open wound to in the lake. He said there'd probably be an antibiotic to fix it. ;)

Haven't biked or done anything else since the scar revision. I amused myself by running a few steps one day, but my tummy incision told me to stop. Likewise, I've worn yoga pants to work all week because of the incisions on my hips. Truth be told, and because my pants are getting too tight. I need to get a handle on this, and fast.

On the personal front, things are just busy, busy. I should tell you, I am ridiculously, giddily happy with Greg v2.0. :) We are having a blast. This time, he is the boyfriend I knew he could be last time, if that makes sense. Together we are exactly what I always wanted with him. Time and distance were great for us - plus I think breaking up (and having my heart broken) took away my defensiveness and built my confidence in my body and such. Because all the drama of last time concerning my body is a non-issue this time. When we were getting back together, I told him the only thing he's allowed to tell me about my body is how ufcking hot I am. And he has stuck to that, and tells me often, haha. Last time, I was still filled with a lot of self-hatred about my body - a weird mix of pride and shame. I still battle that, but I'm in a much better place, and both of us feel it. 

For his part, I think when we broke up he was in a bad place and at some point he realized how much good we had and missed it. I know he dated (HA! I am not one to cast aspersions in this arena) and he said this was something he wanted to do, but he never clicked with anyone the way we do. I understand that - remember poor Mr. Wonderful and how hard I tried to make him be the one. If it's not, it's not.

Greg's not perfect, but who is. He still smokes, although markedly less than before, which is nice. Happily, I have had no desire whatsoever. I have told him, under no circumstances am I ever allowed to have so much as one tiny puff off his cigarette. I realize this is a personal responsibility, but I want him on board, much the way my friend Nancy videorecorded me saying if I ever smoke again she can slap me in the face, hard, and I won't be mad at her, haha. Where I think I would stumble, if ever, is the same place I have always stumbled, which is under the influence of sunshine and alcohol. :)

What is so fun is that he treats me like a queen and my 12 year old son Blake thinks I bought Greg as a gift for him. :) They are always working in the yard or working on some project together...I have to say that one of the great things about Greg is that he will feed my sons' desires - especially Blake's - to do all those manly man things they love. He is also great with my daughter, but she is my baby and while she likes him, it's more on the amicably "tolerating" him side of things, right now, anyway.


Okay, you'll think me crazy (and that's okay) but I'll just say it: we're living together. CUH-RAZY! Ah, I've become one of those women...moving a boyfriend in with her children. Internally, I suppose I've wrestled with this a lot, but action-wise, I just went for it. God forgive me if I'm sitting alone in my furniture-less house down the road after a second failed venture with this man, but I don't think I will be. :) And if I am, as a note to future self - hey, you tried. You were happy, you had the best of hopes and intentions, and you went for it. You go, girl. Life is short.

Yesterday, we had a great barbeque for Father's Day - my parents came up and his mom was staying with us (Greg's son graduated high school on Saturday). His sister and boyfriend also came up - we had a great day. I've probably mentioned that Greg is an awesome cook, and we feasted like kings and everyone loved it. Refer back to me saying I'm wearing yoga pants because my jeans are so tight they hurt my fresh hip incisions. Argh.

Life is good, good, good. I hope Future Julie just gets to look back on this time and think, "Yep, having fun then, still having fun now!" :)