Tuesday, December 27, 2011


Whew, boy, the work week rolled back around quickly! I am just doing a half day today, as the kiddos are at home and I'm trying to minimize potential damage. 

It was a fun weekend. And who doesn't gain weight over the holiday weekend? Me, that's who! What a revelation. The kids had a blast at Christmas, and really, they scored big in the presents this year. It was a very electronic Christmas at our house. And now, all the wrapping paper has been cleared and it is time to restore order to the chaos.

Let's see...what to update about? I had a crisis of single parenting yesterday, and I am trying to cut myself some slack. Single parenting is tough! It can be a lonely business. X and I work well together, and the holiday was a nice blend of family time with the kids and kid-free time for me. But there is always a moment when the kids come home where I think, "Whew, what am I going to do with these guys?" I've never been one to stay around home and relax and enjoy myself. This year, I have actively worked on changing that attitude. It used to be that with the kids, I was always on the run, going from activity to activity. A couple things changed: my budget tightened up dramatically, and my six-year-old can really be tough to manage in busy/crowded situations. He is getting a lot better, he is always maturing, and I like to think I am, too. I am not one of those gold-plated, endless patience parents. I have always said that he came into my life because he has many, many lessons to teach me. I can be a terribly slow learner. :)

Anyway, yesterday I had a red-flag revelation that there is a large part of me that feels like my family is not complete without a man in it. And really, men bring a lot to the table; or they can, anyway. As a single parent, I have tried to do everything with the kids that I would if I were married. I take them camping, on road trips and adventures, etc. I don't want to be someone that needs a man to make me feel complete; to make my family feel complete.

However, I guess it is what it is. You don't go into parenting as a married person and plan on raising your kids alone. Me, who grew up saying I wouldn't have kids, and who held off on having kids until I was almost thirty, certainly didn't have three of them with any expectation that I would be a divorced single parent. (Here, for a reality check, I feel obligated to throw out there that I am not raising these children single-handedly. They have a wonderful father who spends a great deal of time with them and is a good, consistent parent. Plus we have a lot of support on both sides of our family.)*

*And then when I say something like that, I feel like, "hey man, it's my blog (and my pity party), I don't have to throw anyone props right now. Single parenting is still hard.

So, that was my single parenting crisis. I wished for a nice man to spend my free time with, and now I've stumbled onto it (oh, that's not perfect either, more in a bit). And, typical for me, it's not enough - it's always "what's next, what's next." I don't seem to have a "relax and enjoy" setting, but I'm working on finding it.

The Capricorn - he is fun. Gosh, we've spent pretty much every minute of my kid-free time together for awhile now. However, I am still ROLLING with laughter over mine and Kim's silly text conversation as we marveled about the confusion and mystery of Twitter...I said I never understand the little hash mark comments that people write. But of Cappy, I said, #funbutnottheone and Kim said #holidayboyfriend. (Oh, sorry, Kim, was that a confidential conversation?? Oh, man, I have been dying laughing over "#holidayboyfriend" for days now.)

Really, I think we are both just enjoying some company over the holidays. I don't get the feeling from him that he is particularly into me. And I have my own reservations about him, too. None that affect just happily spending some time together - as I said, I am working on cultivating my "relax and enjoy" mode. I am a notorious overthinker, and not prone to just being satisfied with where I'm at. Patience, grasshopper.


  1. Aren't all texts #blogfodder? Hang in there my friend. You are a wonderful mom, you just don't remember that fact all the time.

  2. I am so proud of you and all you have accomplished. Single hot mom is a lot! Relax and have fun and roll with the punches.

  3. Another enjoyable read. I love reading your posts. My hubby works thirds, so I operate as a single mother most days in caregiving, but with the benefit of 2 incomes. Being primary caregiver is just plain hard work. I'm sure you're doing awesome and one day your kids will be adults and so appreciative of the sacrifice. Or they'll be on Dr. Phil, in which case you'll buy a new outfit and be on TV - could be worse! ;)