It was a fun weekend. And who doesn't gain weight over the holiday weekend? Me, that's who! What a revelation. The kids had a blast at Christmas, and really, they scored big in the presents this year. It was a very electronic Christmas at our house. And now, all the wrapping paper has been cleared and it is time to restore order to the chaos.
Let's see...what to update about? I had a crisis of single parenting yesterday, and I am trying to cut myself some slack. Single parenting is tough! It can be a lonely business. X and I work well together, and the holiday was a nice blend of family time with the kids and kid-free time for me. But there is always a moment when the kids come home where I think, "Whew, what am I going to do with these guys?" I've never been one to stay around home and relax and enjoy myself. This year, I have actively worked on changing that attitude. It used to be that with the kids, I was always on the run, going from activity to activity. A couple things changed: my budget tightened up dramatically, and my six-year-old can really be tough to manage in busy/crowded situations. He is getting
a lot better, he is always maturing, and I like to think I am, too. I am not one of those gold-plated, endless patience parents. I have always said that he came into my life because he has many, many lessons to teach me. I can be a terribly slow learner. :)
Anyway, yesterday I had a red-flag revelation that there is a large part of me that feels like my family is not complete without a man in it. And really, men bring a lot to the table; or they can, anyway. As a single parent, I have tried to do everything with the kids that I would if I were married. I take them camping, on road trips and adventures, etc. I don't want to be someone that needs a man to make me feel complete; to make my family feel complete.
However, I guess it is what it is. You don't go into parenting as a married person and plan on raising your kids alone. Me, who grew up saying I wouldn't have kids, and who held off on having kids until I was almost thirty, certainly didn't have three of them with any expectation that I would be a divorced single parent. (Here, for a reality check, I feel obligated to throw out there that I am not raising these children single-handedly. They have a wonderful father who spends a great deal of time with them and is a good, consistent parent. Plus we have a lot of support on both sides of our family.)*
*And then when I say something like that, I feel like, "hey man, it's my blog (and my pity party), I don't have to throw anyone props right now. Single parenting is still hard.
So, that was my single parenting crisis. I wished for a nice man to spend my free time with, and now I've stumbled onto it (oh, that's not perfect either, more in a bit). And, typical for me, it's not enough - it's always "what's next, what's next." I don't seem to have a "relax and enjoy" setting, but I'm working on finding it.
The Capricorn - he is fun. Gosh, we've spent pretty much every minute of my kid-free time together for awhile now. However, I am still ROLLING with laughter over mine and Kim's silly text conversation as we marveled about the confusion and mystery of Twitter...I said I never understand the little hash mark comments that people write. But of Cappy, I said, #funbutnottheone and Kim said #holidayboyfriend. (Oh, sorry, Kim, was that a confidential conversation?? Oh, man, I have been dying laughing over "#holidayboyfriend" for days now.)
Really, I think we are both just enjoying some company over the holidays. I don't get the feeling from him that he is particularly into me. And I have my own reservations about him, too. None that affect just happily spending some time together - as I said, I am working on cultivating my "relax and enjoy" mode. I am a notorious overthinker, and not prone to just being satisfied with where I'm at. Patience, grasshopper.