Friday, January 21, 2011

Body to Julie: WTF??

I probably will weigh myself daily. There's a method to my madness. I'm a "if I don't get on the scale, the weight gain doesn't exist," type of girl. You may also know me as a "if I don't open that bill, it does not exist" girl. How about, "if I don't check my online bank balance, then I must still have money?"

Yes, I need to hold my feet to the fire, or the fire doesn't exist. As part of my reform, I may even start requiring this of myself: check your weight, check your bank balances, open the bills. Revolutionary.

Anyway. So I've been weighing myself, and let me tell you, that scale hasn't budged in DAYS. Is the digital scale stuck on its favorite weight for me? Perhaps, but not likely.

Am I hanging on to weight, or, my favorite - GAINING weight this morning, because I am superbly overindulging in my 2 oz bowls of boullion and 6 oz glasses of water and constant sips of protein shakes all day? You can't gain weight off au jus broth. I'm no nutritionist, but COME ON!!

No, it's my poor body. WTF, JULIE? What is going on here? I am used to a constant flood of food, anything my enlarged little heart desires. Now you've cut me off? Boullion? REALLY? What happened to going to bed each night, so stuffed with late-night snacking that you still wake up full? Well, I'll tell you what - you're gonna cut me off??? I'm not letting go of a single ounce of weight. In fact, thanks to the salty boullion, I've now got an excuse to hang on to some of the meager ounces of water you're giving me, too!! TAKE THAT!!

Ah. Yesterday I focused on getting in lots and lots of water. Today, it's lots and lots of water and at least two of these 30 gram protein shakes. My body has drawn a line in the sand. You will feed and hydrate us, or we will hold you hostage at this same weight in perpetuity.

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