Monday, August 20, 2012

Three Dates in Three Days

Never having been one to sit back and lick my wounds for too long, I started dating this weekend. A lot. It was fun! Exhausting. Sustainable? Ack, I hope not necessary.

So, I set up my online dating profile. I hate online dating - the men all look alike to me. I call it the "man store." Just aisles and aisles of men. What a strange concept. If they're going to commercialize it to this extent, you ought to just be able to pick one out and buy him!

When I was obese, I tried online dating without a lot of success. It was hard for me, because *I* felt attractive, it was a real morale killer that men did not feel the same way. Unfortunately, it is what it is. I am the same person. At a "normal" weight, I am beating men off with a stick. Weight matters. This is still a hard concept for me to think too much about, because on the one hand, I am proud of where I'm at now, and on the other, my heart still hurts for the woman I used to be.

Here's what works for me when I need to wrap my brain around it. It's about health, not just looks. A normal weight conveys a sense of health and vitality about you that is missing when you're obese. I can't tell you how much better I *feel* with all that weight gone. There is simply no way to explain it. I tell people it's like aging backwards.Things that used to be a struggle, things I didn't even *know* were a struggle...well, they're not now. I watched an obese woman labor onto my bus this morning. I don't think I had gotten to the point where my weight made me labor like that, but I am young(ish). It was coming, baby.

When dating, I can't help but look at men that way now, too. I was never into obese men. However, Greg was sporting a fair amount of extra weight, as was a long-time divorce diversion friend of mine. I didn't see it on them - I was very much attracted to them. But with Greg, the extra weight concerned me. Would he regain the 60+ pounds he lost after the divorce? Would I be able to talk him in to doing activities that I very much want to do again, like kayaking? Scuba diving, or even just snorkeling?

Okay, so the three dates. Met them all online, emailed back and forth a bit, had one or two phone conversations. I'm not shy or particularly nervous about online dating, so for me, it pretty quickly gets down to meeting for coffee or a drink. That's an easy way to see if it's worth pursuing at all.

All three men were very smart and articulate, rather good looking in their own different ways from each other. Two of them (dates #1 and #3) mentioned having lost 50-60 pounds over the last couple years, which I found interesting. All three are college graduates. I am deeply, deeply attracted to hard-working blue collar men :) but I think I'm going to go in a different direction this time, or at least be a bit more thoughtful about it.

Two of the three men have advanced to the competition round. :)

Date #1: Uber-Seattle Sounders Fan
I confess, I knew going into it that this one wasn't a match, and I told him so. Or I told him I did not think we have one single thing in common, anyway. But he was very nice, his profile was hella funny, he is a reasonably good-looking entertaining guy. We met for a couple drinks last Friday afternoon before my Sunset Supper wine and food event with friends. He was downtown to attend a concert that I would never want to attend, at a club I would never want to visit. ;) He was great, though. I enjoyed meeting him, and we sat at an outdoor patio of a bar downtown and people watched. There was a hooker turning tricks, and it was a very sophisticated operation of on-the-sly waves to passing cars, instructions hollered across the street from a pimp, pick ups and drop offs (we saw THREE!) from men in generally pretty beat-down vehicles. It was crazy interesting conversation fodder, haha. He was sweet: picked up the tab, texted that night to make sure I got home okay. I do not plan to see him again. Unfortunately, I'm not really in the market for new guy friends.

Thank you for playing.

Date #2: Super Single Dad, Loves Kids
I am pulling for Date #2, I confess. I really liked him. Sure, he has THREE children of his own, and sure they are even YOUNGER than mine...but I did like him. Plus, his kids are all girls: boys would have been deal-breakers, haha. I have two of them. I *know* boys. So, mine are entering 8th, 6th and 1st grade. His are entering 5th, 4th and 1st. Oy. The upside of a single dad is that kids are part of his life. With this guy, who directs a quasi-Boys & Girls Club type facility and program: well, he likes kids. So he's not likely to dump me for my kids six months into a relationship. (Eep, did I say that out loud? Still stinging here a bit, ladies.) This guy turned my crank: he's a big football player type, works out a lot. We talked easily and had a great time, but it did feel like awkward first date. He picked up the tab, too, and walked me to my car. Gave me a hug, did not try to kiss me. Such a gentleman! Or so not interested! He asked me, though, if he could see me again. I said yes. The next morning he texted me that he had enjoyed meeting me and wanted to see me again. Again, I said that would be great. So, WHEN, already? He said he would "get back with me." Sigh. I do hope to see him again. But you know what they say, if a guy's into you, he's booking the next date. We'll see!

(A couple red flags here: he is a four-year sober alcoholic. This isn't a deal-breaker for me [I always love the prospect of a dedicated designated driver, haha] but it is something to think about and watch. Plus, I think he CHEWS. Would he have chew on a date? I came back from the bathroom and I swear I think he had chew in his mouth. This does not seem possible. Definitely something to watch. Because: eww.)

Advance to the next round.
Date #3: Tennis Semi-Pro
Date #3 found religion last fall in the form of tennis. He's lost some forty pounds or so and it can fairly be said he is not packing an ounce of extra weight. All three of these men are tall, by the way. Thank you, heavens above! I know I'm only 5'3", but I have always loved me some tall men. It's greedy, I know, taking away the tall men that should be left for the tall girls. Everyone who knew me was shocked when I married my X, who is only 5'7" or so. Generally, I dated in the 6'0" range.

Anyway, Date #3 was awesome. This man is a great communicator: we had set our date for a couple days in advance, and he checked in with me about it. He was returning from a long drive before we met, and he shot me a text message when he thought he'd be running a few minutes late. I had such a great time with him: we were much more at ease than I was with Date #2, this date pretty quickly turned to easy conversation and joking around. He also was pretty clear right off the bat that he was attracted to me: likes my smile, told me I looked great, etc. He was much more flirty, too...I told him some silly anecdote about falling on the rock jetty (uhh, I left out the "with Greg" part) and how I had banged up my shins. He looked under the table and gave them an appraising eye and said they had recovered nicely, then slipped a quick caress in there and said, "Yep, they feel fine now!" It was silly, but it had me laughing, and he said blushing, too.

Date #3 asked me out again while we were still sitting at the table, so TAKE THAT, Date #2! We're going out again Saturday...more later. Anyway, he picked up the tab, walked me to my car, gave me a hug that turned into a great first kiss. Um, a great kiss. Yay for great kissers! I walked away from that one in a hurry, because one of my favorite pastimes is kissing. :) He texted me within minutes of leaving, said he was happy to meet me and looking forward to Saturday, loved my smile and my kiss. Asked if he could call me tomorrow. Very cool.
You, sir, are definitely a contender.


  1. Um, I totally love your sense of humor (always have) but I really appreciated your graphics to go with you 3 dates. You need MORE of that (coming from a graphic artist, so take it FWIW!)

    Glad you aren't sitting at home brooding, way to pick yourself up and dust yourself off! :-)