Instead, I have to email in my posts, which means no formatting and no spell-check. So you know how bored I must be if I'm trying anyway, right?
Donkey balls? Diminishing. I might actually have a normal va-jay-jay someday. Not that ill need it. I was supposed to play with Lance Armstrong Sunday and didn't hear from him. "Umm, Lance," I said, "where did you go?" You were supposed to come over after hiking. Yes, but I got tickets to the Seahawks game, he said. Yes , but it would have taken you two seconds to text me that. Yes, he's sorry - he's not really the boyfriend type - he's all about him. Umm, have I noticed this?? No Lance, you are not the boyfriend type. You are the fun to play with sometimes type. Plus, your body is quite remarkable. We are done, sir, even your biker body is not worth the headache (plus you are smoking freely now and it stinks). Plus your body is very beautiful but your tattoos are really stupid abs I think you are a bit scrawny for my tastes, as long as I'm putting in an order.
The Clint Eastwood squinty eyed motorcyclist has checked in with me a couple times this week, but nice as he is, that man is just flat. Ugh.
My MTB friend has kept me highly entertained and seems to project actual concern for my welfare, as does my sugar daddy. This is the aisle I need to shop from, I tell you. (Not the gay aisle.)
My new cycling friend has called and emailed three times this week. Is my picker that broken?? I didn't answer either call today, but I have been hallucinating and such and probably good not to involve strangers. You don't know how long I waited for my daughter to bring me a Popsicle before I remembered she wasn't home, hahaha. And I told my invisible X to cuddle me until I remembered how STOOPID of an idea that was, and I told him so. Again, not here. Probably time to kill the drugs tomorrow. It just hurts. Have you seen franken-belly? Argh!! I would love to stare at it constantly but I am trying to honor the spirit of wearing the suit 24/7 and I can't tell you how much I hate to put it on. Tomorrow ill bet ill get to skip the poise pads on the scars as in I'm not draining, and that will make me much less whiny. Neosporin plus silicone strips plus poise pads plus snaps and zippers has me feeling like the hot spinster who's cats are waiting for her to fall so they can eat her eyeballs.
Other than that, all is well!! Feeling much better today!! Dr appt at 1:30, mom and dad are taking me. There will be SBUX, if I have to hold them at gunpoint to get it. I come from non-SBUX people. :)
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