Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Things Someone Else Has Learned - Hilarious!

I am copying and pasting this from obesityhelp.com but here is the direct link. I can't stand the formatting on that site - maybe it is my browser. Anyway, this post-WLS list is funny, and so true. Thank you, "Bikerchikk"!

Here's the link to her actual obesityhelp blog.

Things I have learned
posted on 10/4/10 8:30 am
 I have decided to write down all the things I have gotten from this experience so far. Here are the little things I have learned, some NSV's and some funny things that I just can't get out of my head.

 1) When I first started this journey, the thing I learned is it takes forever to get to your surgery date. Even if it is only a month away.
  2) Then right after surgery I learned that if you are a newly pre op, that if you think you have to pass gas, sit on the toilet. Never trust a fart right after major surgery.
  3) Sip and wait. It may stay there, it may not. If you drink too fast it hurts and thinking you are going to burp and then having water or crystal lite dribbling out your nose impresses no one.
  4) Bite sizes change after surgery. I use to take bites the size of a gum eraser, now I must take bites the size of a pencil eraser that has been used for a while.
  5) If you drink after eating, you will regret it.
  6) A boiled egg sounds like a good idea, but my hearing is bad.
  7) A kitchen timer is my new best friend early out. One to two minutes between every bite chewed well, one hour before drinking.
  8) Taking an acid reducer gets rid of shoulder pain and makes water easy to drink. I had no idea i had an acid problem, but I guess I did, because now I don't toss every thing i eat and I can drink more.
  9) I use to avoid booths at restaurants because I did not like my boobs sitting on the table. Now I avoid them because I feel like a 3 year old because the table is so far away.
  10) Store clerks find it funny when you do not know what size you wear. But some find it fun to help you and dress you up like a life size barbie doll.
  11) Scales at your friends houses are evil. They tell you you have gained or lost weight you have not.
  12) All Dr's have graduated from the Spanish inquisition school of torture.
  13) You become linked in an unhealthy way to your scale and miss it when you leave the house for more than 24 hrs.
  14) A kitchen scale and a food journal is the only reliable way to keep track of your eating. I use fitday.
  15) Corn is grown in hell and if you eat it too early out it will take you back there with it.
  16) You are no longer going to have a bowel movement every day, you just don't eat enough. You will have one when ever it is most inconvenient during the week. Like a big presentation or when you are driving through no where USA with no toilet in site. Or at a concert with a half mile long line.
  17) You will forget to eat. In my life before weight loss surgery, I have forgotten my keys, my wallet, my phone, my phone number, after one really great party I forgot my name for a while, but I never forgot to eat. Now I do all the time. Once I passed out from low blood sugar or some damn thing. I set the alarm on my cell phone now to remind me to eat. I used to think that you would have to be pretty damn stupid to forget to eat.
  18) If you are in a stall you are losing inches. I did not lose a pound for 6 weeks once but I went down sizes in pants and lost 3 inches in my waist and 4 in my hips.
  19) The faster you drop a pants size is inversely proportional to how much you like a pair of pants. If you find a great pair and they look great on you, they will fit a week and a half tops. If you find a pair that are just ok, they will fit for a month and a half.
  20) You will soon hate things you use to like to eat. And suddenly you will like things you never used to like. You will also get in food ruts.
  21) I find if I get in a food rut, where I am eating the same thing basically every day, I stop losing weight.
  22) If you eat carbs, you will crave carbs, if you eat salts, you will crave salts. If I eat corn syrup in anything, I throw up. Just say no to carbs. One or two bites once a week in an evening is ok, but if you eat carbs early in the day, you are going to want more all day long.
  23) Get off your butt every day. Even if all you do is walk a block. Park at the end of the parking lot, play with your kids. Whatever, MOVE. You will feel better.
  24) If you start saving right after surgery, by the time you have lost all your weight and are ready, you will have a down payment on all the plastic surgery you swore you would never have.
  25) Protein drinks still come in handy on days when you just can't get in your protein.
  26) Your boobs start out looking at where you are going but end up looking at your feet. I figure they are just amazed to see feet down there. Either that or my belly was just holding them up.
  27) Sex is amazing when you can get in all these new positions and get your feet up next to your ears.
  28) Painting your toenails becomes amazing simple
  29) You are daily area amazed at the things you can do and how easy things are. You find that you are not afraid of breaking things by sitting or standing on them.
  30) You also find things are a bit harder when you do not have as much weight behind you. I got pulled off my feet by the roll door of my friends shop. They thought it was hilarious. I went to roll the door up and it kept going and up I went too.
  31) People have actually called me skinny and I have looked around to see who was standing behind me.
  32) Takes a lot more lean to turn my motorcycle now. You use your weight to turn and since I have lost over 90 pounds total, it takes a bit more effort.
  33) You have to have money and like to shop to lose weight. I have spent more money on clothes and new leathers in the last 6 months than in the last 10 years before that.
  34) If you don't drink enough water you feel like shit and you don't lose weight.
  35) You need to have your vitamin levels and iron checked regularly. I have become anemic and had to have an iron infusion and now take twice daily iron pills. I feel much better and have twice the amount of energy.
  36) Learning how to tuck loose skin into your pants is an acquired skill.
  37) If you want to really piss off those hard bodies at your gym, let them see how much your weight drops every time.
  38) Working out becomes fun when you can do it with out seeing spots in front of your eyes after only 10 minutes.
  39) People treat me different now I am a size 7/8 than when I was a size 20/22. The other day a good looking (if dumber than a box of rocks) 29 year old was trying to pick up on me.
  40) I feel younger. Really, I recommend this surgery to anyone thinking of having weight loss surgery.
  41) Make sure you take your measurements and take lots of pictures before you start so you can compare. 


  1. HA! Number 2. A few days after surgery, I had to do a load of laundry after sneezing....

  2. 16 and 17 are so darn funny - and true!