Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Arrested Development

(Okay, only my favorite show in the whole world, but this entry is actually about the date from last week! And thank you for reading and enjoying, you guys, it makes ridiculous experiences more fun knowing I get to share them with you. And thank you, Holly, and welcome to my blog! Your comments have cracked me the heck up, and I have been rather sloth-ish in responding to you, although I sure mean to do so. We single ladies have got to stick together!)

Let's see - how to present this particular date without making me look like an idiot? There really isn't a way, so we'll just go for it! The simple truth of the matter is there were red flags that I should have heeded early on, but he was very cute, and I was very bored. :)

"Vinny" (I am wracking my brain for a cute Italian nickname that also implies a little bit of the underworld, haha, and you shall soon see why. I would have gone with "Henry Hill," Ray Liotta's character in "Goodfellas," one of my all-time favorite movies, but then I would have had to take time for a long explanation of the origin of the nickname. And who has time for that??) emailed me through the dating website and wrote a nice little email. I'm a sucker for nice emails, but the truth of the matter was that this guy was just pretty damn cute, so I was already knocked a little off my guard. Oh! We'll call him "The Body." How's that?

The Body emailed me, anyway, and we had a couple quick, nice exchanges before agreeing to talk on the phone. Really - I'm not much for emailing through the site for long. I don't actually care too much if someone new has my phone number, and I find that most men's emails are...not captivating. Not enough to keep my interest going, anyway. Because you can email over a course of two or three days..."how are you today?"... (long pause)..."I'm good, how are you doing?"... (long pause) ... "I'm fine, thanks, what are you doing this weekend?" It is not enjoyable. I'd much rather talk quickly, meet quickly and go from there. But I'm all about instant gratification.

So, I talked to The Body, and he was very nice and we hit it off right away. He was actually on a day trip up to Victoria, BC, which I found endearing, because I am all about the spontaneous trips! Hrrm, here I think I'll just keep laying the facts out as they happened, because it's important you get the full experience of this date. He was on a day trip to Canada to buy those clove cigarettes - they stopped selling them in the US, and recently Washington made it so you can't even import them from Indonesia anymore. So he went up to Canada to buy several cartons.

Okay, I probably should have stopped here. I get that. It wasn't bad, but it was a bit of a harbinger of what's to come. Creative flexibility with the law. (Although you can actually do what he did - you just have to pay tax on them, which he did.) Let's continue, shall we?

So, we chatted, boy, we sure talked easily and he was fun. He was the one that I have clicked absolutely the most with from the start. He was super interesting. Very bluntly honest. So when the red flags started popping up, he was very direct about them, and if I had not been taken in by his cute pictures and how much fun he was to talk to...well, that's neither here nor there. I was taken in. :)

- He's in AA. Those of you that know me know that is a DEALBREAKER! I sound like such a lush. :) But I *like* to go to wineries and out for a drink and go to wine tasting events and make my own vodka infusions (thank you, Cappy, that one would have never occurred to me, haha). Okay, but he's in AA and he's been sober for 16 months. He is ready to date, ready to date a non-drinker. And he's really cute. :)
- He got a DUI that led to him not drinking. Actually, he has had three DUIs over the course of the years. The last one was in 2008 or 2009. So he has one of those fun breathalyzer things in his car to start it. Uhhm, here's another screaming red flag. But I am a humanitarian, and I'm all forgive and live and let live, etc. Plus, he's really cute. And that's all in the past. Plus he's very fun to talk to.
- He's a wireless network engineer. This position makes scads of money, when you're working. He's a contract employee between contracts...he just moved back from Atlanta. So he's not actually working. And while he's not actually working, he's living with his mom. In a small town that is rather far away from me. (let's not count the red flags in that paragraph - he's so cute, and damn, he was a hoot to talk to!)

You get the idea. There were probably more red flags. I knew full well, going into our date, that this boy was trouble. But gosh, he was fun to talk to. And cute. We met for coffee last Sunday, and we clicked immediately. What I am missing with Cappy, the *heat*, I sure felt it with this guy. We decided pretty quickly to go to the Asian Art Museum because it was free that day, and he is into art, too. 'Cept he's traveled everywhere and seen everything, and I am bragging when I say I go to Oregon several times a year. ;)

We had such fun! Smart, interesting, funny...and he's channeled all that not-drinking energy into working out, and it showed. It showed, without him sending me a shirtless bathroom mirror picture as the Navy guy had done the week or so prior, haha. But The Body took off his coat when we were in the arboretum, and [CLAP, CLAP, APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE!].

Anyway, we had a great time. I knew it was not a good idea, but it's amazing how some great conversation, some palpable chemistry, and a good looking guy can talk you out of using your head, even briefly.

Oops - I'm getting ahead of myself. I forgot the most important part! There was an ex-girlfriend, and an argument/altercation at the AA hall they both attend in the very small town. There were restraining orders issued against him and he was banned from attending this location. I gathered this argument got rather heated and some people at AA intervened and it sounds like a giant clusterf*ck. This is where I was really, really being silly - because this had just occurred fairly recently. I think people can straighten up their act - but arguments that lead to restraining orders are not a good indication of a straightened-act. ;) Now, he had told me all this before I met him for coffee and the art museum, so it's on me for going anyway. But I was impressed by his forthrightness and whatever he said seemed to be whatever I wanted to hear needed to hear to still be interested in seeing him. And jeez, it was just for coffee.

Oh - so he had been arrested, but bonded out of jail because of this fight. That's important.

The next day, I talked to him, and he had gotten a speeding ticket. Hrm, I thought, I have done many, many stupid things, but generally if I am in trouble for one thing, I can think clearly enough to keep myself on my best behavior. Getting a speeding ticket seemed like a very stupid thing to do, given he was already on the law's radar. He said, too, that this was probably the final straw for him, with regard to the legal problems.

On Tuesday, two days after we met, I talked to him again. We were planning to go out Wednesday. Of course we were meeting somewhere, etc. this guy was high on my "watch list." I knew that I shouldn't go out with him, but had not yet convinced myself to cancel. Well, on Tuesday, he said he was driving on the street in front of the AA hall, when his original arresting officer recognized his car and pulled him over and arrested him for violating the restraining order. His bond was upped to $20K and he had to reappear in court for a hearing Wednesday afternoon. Okay - WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND VIOLATES A RESTRAINING ORDER? He said he was driving by on the way to somewhere else, but smart money said he was probably driving by...and driving by...and driving by...

I told him I wouldn't be seeing him again. He understood, haha. Surprise, surprise, I can see by the VINE system that his bond was revoked and he has been in jail ever since. I'm sure they'll hold him over until his trial, whenever that is and for whatever it is.

But gosh, he was cute. And he knew a lot about art. ;) But I couldn't help but think of how this ex-girlfriend must describe him, and it was sure sounding in my mind a lot like the women who I see when I volunteer, and they're talking about their bad-boyfriend experiences. It's funny, though, in a sad way, how you can get drawn into bad situations - this guy was just so crazy charismatic, I am a *smart* woman, and as those red flags kept popping up...well, I just kept mentally filing them away instead of acting on them.


  1. oh my god girl!!! Cute boys make you crazy! Stay away. Remind me to tell you about the guy my mom is married to next time we meet up. It might change your mind about cute boys.

  2. Wow! I haven't read any chick lit in awhile but reading this makes me want to go out and get one. This is the most fun I've had in awhile considering all my real life friends are married and therefore never talk about dating good looking men who know lots about art and are interesting but get thrown in jail. Even more interesting! Maybe you could pull a prison break if you tatoo the entire map of the jail on yourself. But that would probably be a bad thing to do considering all the red flags. Clearly I'm way too into this story!! As I said before, living through you!! I agree. Scrap that one. When is the next date?? hahaha