Thursday, March 15, 2012

So Did I Tell Him?

I realize what a rambly writer I am sometimes. Oh heck, all the time. I'm very much a stream of consciousness blogger - my entries are just a giant brain dump that I leave the willing victim to slog through and sort out on your own, haha.

Yes, I did tell him about the weight loss surgery. I told him the night we walked home from the landlord's. I was sort of stuck at that point! He had already commented a couple times on how little I eat, I had already alluded to weight loss, and then when someone is just SHOCKED at your appearance, as my landlord was...well, you know you're not talking about a 10-15 pound loss, haha.

So I told him I had weight loss surgery over a year ago. He was totally cool, and since he is just a good and tactful guy, he asked a couple questions but didn't press me for details, etc. I was hoping he wouldn't corner me with questions about how much I've lost, etc. He did not. That was important to me only because I want him to have time to get to know me *now* and get the image of me *now* cemented firmly in his head before I paint another picture of me at 117 pounds heavier, ack. I know that would be a difficult image for me to suppress if the shoe were on the other foot. As it is, he's told me that he's lost quite a bit of weight since his own divorce, and is working on another 20-25 pounds. It is nice that this is something we can share together, rather than me worrying a lot about gaining weight by being around him.

Although, seriously, look at this lunch he packed me. I am eating like a king, I tell you. He made Chinese last night: flat noodles and pork, sweet and sour chicken, and shrimp. I was d.y.i.n.g. So delicious. This man is a keeper. He packed me a lunch this morning with a small tupperware of leftovers, a piece of banana bread and an apple.

Okaaaaaaayyyyyy. So it's time to catch you up a bit on this rapidly-progressing relationship. It's a little embarrassing, but it has all felt good and right, so what the heck. It just sounds like it "should not" move this fast.

I met his kids last night. They came over for dinner. He has a 16-year-old son and a 14-year-old daughter. They were great: very nice kids. Very warm and welcoming and pleasant. Easy to talk to. Now, I would have thought this was too early, myself. But he and I talked about it and he wanted us to meet. He had assured me the kids were fine with him dating and having a girlfriend. I would have thought it would have been better to wait and see where this relationship goes - I wouldn't want to complicate kids' lives with a here-and-gone girlfriend, and if they didn't like me...well, I wouldn't want to complicate our relationship with unhappy teenagers, and no foundation for our own relationship to try to weather through it.

He was coming from a little more of a practical angle. I have my kids half time, he wants to be able to see me as much as possible. He doesn't want to have to skate around his kids, and he doesn't want them feeling unwelcome or that they have to "schedule" time to see him. He said he'd rather have us know each other and be comfortable seeing each other so his kids will feel welcome. They don't have a set custody schedule. The kids are older and have busy schedules and friends and such: he says he just tries to get as much face time with them as he can.

Anyway. It was a little awkward and a little soon, but he was very confident in the decision, although he was sweet and said if I was uncomfortable with it or wanted to wait, he would definitely make other plans. Argh, I agonized over it. Not that it felt wrong to me, but it just felt *soon.* My friend Barb, who remarried several years ago, and said she and her ex met each other's kids after only a couple dates (she was a f/t single mom) said, "Check the rule book. Oh yeah, there is no fucking rule book!" (Pardon my language, haha, but really, it's needed for emphasis here, don't you think?)

So, anyway, the kids were great and I liked them and they seemed to like me. No icy or chilly vibes were in the room. And while I'm spewing my guts, I might as well say that I have also met his mom, who is up here visiting from his hometown in southern Oregon. I have myself a real country boyfriend. ;) His mom is very cool, as well.

Whew! So last night was my first of two kid-free nights, and Sparky had starting making invitations and arrangements for me to spend them with him before I had even left his house this weekend. Yesterday I came to work with my little overnight bag and I rode the bus down to the P&R after work, where he was waiting for me. Today we rode in together, along with his coworker buddy, whose truck was in the shop. Yes, I've met the buddy, too. He was a very nice man who teased me about the perceived-to-be-wealthy suburb I live in, calling me "Miss Medina" and "Bill Gates' friend." And when I got out of the truck at my office and told the buddy to close his eyes because I was going to kiss Sparky now, he said, "Damn, Greg, my wife hasn't kissed me like that in over ten years! Hang on to her!" (Oh, yes, Sparky has a real name, it's Greg, haha.)

The boys are picking me up after work, and I get one more night with Sparky before I go back home to the kiddos tomorrow. I wonder what's for dinner?? ;)

Oh, it all feels very fast but I am having the time of my life and am very happy. And as friends have said, Sparky and I have both come from long marriages, we both have our lives in order and know what we like and don't like and what we're looking for. So it's okay that things move along a little more efficiently. I can honestly say I have SCOURED this man and his life for red flags and I have not unearthed a single, solitary one. He is just a fantastic guy and I am really liking him a lot.

p.s. - Happy 11th birthday to my son Blake, who would like a cell phone, a facebook account and an XBOX live subscription. And no time limits on the computer. And no bedtime. Somebunny's trying to grow up too quickly for me! ;)


  1. My daughter turned 11 on 2/28. It is a special time. And she does have facebook account on which she posts all sorts of silly little girl things with her friends.

    I had a roller coaster romance once and I know what you mean. Sometimes things just come together like that. You don't have to apologize. It sounds like you are being careful and enjoying yourself.

  2. Wow! The packed lunch is a nice touch! Things sound like they are going really great. And it appears you've met everyone and their mother...literally!! lol...I am so happy for you!

  3. Love that there is NO RULE book!!! And so happy that things are going great! Thanks for cathcing us all up!