Friday, March 9, 2012

Date Night Comedy of Errors

Didn't I tell you I was afraid this home-inspection date would be the end? The tipping point on the scale as he weighs out my young children, the relative distance between us (okay, it's less than 30 miles and we work just a couple miles from each other), and now my slobbish ways and questionable cooking skills? I envisioned him bidding me a sweet adieu: "I like you, but no, sorry. Happy trails."

Well, it didn't quite go like that, but it had potential, haha. First off, fortunately my children did leave the house as clean I as had left it in the morning. This was nearly assured by the fact that I called them each after school and threatened to kill them if that house was not spotless when I walked in the door.

Sparky picked me up directly from work, so I knew I'd have no opportunity to shield him from any damage. I had made Chicken and Gnocchi soup in the crock pot the night before...which had great potential to be delicious, had I not screwed it up! I *KNEW* I shouldn't add the half and half before leaving for work yesterday morning. I KNEW IT!! But I did it anyway. I didn't add the gnocchi, and I didn't add the baby spinach, but I sure did add that half and half. Ugh. It got all curdly and over-cooked looking. It tasted okay, though. How very disappointing. I made him eat it anyway, because WHAT THE HECK ELSE WAS I GOING TO FEED HIM? I did make some yummy turkey and havarti sandwiches to go with it.

Ah, well. Maybe he's a knight in shining armor and he sees cooking as an opportunity to rescue me. :) Well, you know, I am actually a pretty darn good cook! I just don't have a lot of "specialty" dishes that I whip out for special occasions. I have no "potluck special" dish. I throw things together and they come out well. But no date night dishes, really. I love baking, too, but, you know, baking means eating and eating is the work of the devil. Oops! I guess it's not that bad. :)

Okay - so I tried poisoning him with my soup and he still stuck around, so it was time to bring out the big guns. It was a GORGEOUS clear night - 60 degrees at almost ten at night. We went outside to my back patio and took in the stars and chatted. And drank a little of the blackberry vodka I've been home infusing (see, I have valuable skills). And yes, smoked. Shoot me.

Because it was such a gorgeous night, I had no shoes or coat on. And what better time to lock yourself out of the house for the first time?? Got your new guy over to the house for the first time, you have failed to wow him with your cooking, you may have, in fact, poisoned him...what else is there to do besides lock yourself out? I am smoooooooooooottttttttthhhhh like silk, baby!

Hrumph. Of course all the doors and windows are secured. I am stocking footed and coatless, he is coatless. Fortunately, I have a coat and shoes in the car. Unfortunately, I have no spare keys stashed around the place. I *USED TO*, sure, but the kids were locking themselves out frequently and bringing in the spare key from the garage and leaving it in the house. Nope, no keys!

My landlord only lives a couple blocks away, and they are cool. Not so cool that I want to wake them up at 10 pm, but cool enough that I know I can. So, we walk up there. I ring the doorbell, of course it looks like the husband is not home (firefighter) and everyone is asleep. The wife is remarkably, incredibly gracious to have me standing on her doorstep with a large strange man in the middle of the night. Of course, they have two or three big barking dogs and her oldest son, who is almost as tall as a door frame.

And, because I am simply not allowed to keep this weight loss/surgery even the remotest bit private on the rare occasions that I would like to (e.g. with men I am interested in sleeping with), how does she answer the door?

"JULIE! I didn't recognize you!! You've shrunk!!"

Ah well, at least Sparky and I had something to talk about on the way back to my place with the key. :) He was cool and thankfully didn't put me on the spot with any questions about how much weight I've lost, etc. I simply do not want to plant that mental image in his head until my current self is firmly implanted in his mind.

Ah, he's very cool. I really like him. I'm heading to his place for a lasagna dinner after work today, unless he calls and uhhhh, well, he'd like to see me but, uhhhhh, he is very concerned about one his house plants, and, uhhhhh, he's really got to scramble to find an emergency horticulturist. He'll call later, really. Really. ;)

Okay, you stinkers, here is his picture from facebook, which I have secretly appropriated. I don't have his online profile pictures because I deactivated my account, remember? :) And I like this picture better, anyway, even though it is more of a distance shot. I don't like "I took this pic with my cell phone" pictures, and he wasn't smiling in those pictures and he has such a great smile and kind eyes. He is very cute! But you get the idea, and also you can see his pretty truck, which is clean and clutter free, unlike my own car.

Here's a picture to satisfy your nosiness. :)


  1. You must be my sister from another mister because this sounds like my life. Hey!! At least you turned the crock pot ON!!! I've made that mistake, more than once I'm sad to say.

  2. Oh and I forgot to say that my husband is also much neater than I am and he LOVES to cook and has mad skills. When I was in high school my mom used to try and interest me in cooking but I had zero desire. She would say, "No one will want to marry you! " I said, "You're wrong, I'm gonna find a man who likes to cook." She acted like that was a fairy tale. I reminded her that almost all famous chefs are men. Still, she doubted me. Well, I HAVE THE LAST LAUGH! Turns out there are more ways to a man's heart than just good food (insert naughty laugh & a wink wink here). And yes, he did see me as a "sad project" in need of help. He trained me (a little). But honestly, there's not much you can do for someone who can't remember to turn on crockpots and ovens.

  3. Great story! The lock out sounds like something I would do. :)

  4. That is so funny.

    I am ignoring that you smoked. I thought he didn't smoke around you? Dang.

    Using Cappy's vodka recipe on a date with Sparky? Very smooth. Hope it goes better next time.

  5. YAY!!!! You snuck us a photo, love ya Julie! He IS cute and I'm so happy that things are going well.

    -minus the smoking
    -and the getting locked out
    -and the maybe-poisioning

    Glad you didn't have to kill the kids over a dirty house. :)

  6. He is a cutie! Sound like you had a good night (other than the lock out LOL)

  7. He's a cutie!! And this is an awsome date to reminesce about later.. I mean for humor sake. You are so down ti earth that you blogged about it!! Love it!

  8. Ahhh!! you totally have to write a book. This is just like something I would read in a book lol. I love it . Every last bit of it. The locking yourself out and the burning the soup. can anyone say Bridge Jones Dairy?? It sounds like that, right? Oh he's cute too!!