One of the beautiful things about having an iPhone is having iPhone apps. Today's favorite is the iPeriod tracker, in which I dutifully track which days of the month I shall be a morose, lonely, spinster-in-need-of-a-few-cats.
Ovulation day. Some women get PMS, I get OMS. For months now, I have verified with my little tracker that I am an emotional basket case for two days right at ovulation in my cycle. I wonder, in all seriousness, if I would not feel so desperately lonely and sad during this time if I had a man in my life. I suspect not. I think I am generating a lot of hormones, and those hormones take the path of least resistance out of my system! ;)
File these musings under thoughts related to removing my Mirena IUD all those months ago, which I blogged about here (and am too lazy to link). Anyway - very interesting. Sad, but interesting. It all ties in with the WLS blog how? I will flag that one "emotional eating." I have simply stuffed myself this afternoon with shredded chicken (hardly a crime, but again, I am stuffed), and I think it's just comfort eating.
I have been thinking about what I need to do to feel fulfilled, less lonely. Gosh, I do a lot of fun things with my friends. And I'm busy as heck raising my kids. I work full-time, I volunteer. I read. I exercise. I am a terrible housekeeper, haha, but there is *plenty* I could be doing at home if I focused. There is no reason for emptiness. I get lots of hugs from my many good friends, I get a massage every week, and I always have a pile of kids laying on me. Thus, I am not touch-starved.
But still, if I don't have every minute of every day filled up, I feel lonely and bored. And lately, I have been bored with my friends (whom I love dearly). I want to do something different, but I don't know what! And I am not scared, but not especially embracing, doing it alone.
Sumpin's gotta change. And I'm working on it.
Edited to add: Oh! I frivolously applied to my alma maters (UW and Seattle U) to have my degrees (BBA and MPA) reissued with my maiden name. I see that both schools have cashed the checks, so I am looking forward to soon being a new graduate again. :) Actually, it wasn't terribly frivolous, I applied to a board and listed my degrees (of which I have no idea where the diplomas disappeared to in the divorce). Since I don't have the diplomas and I don't travel by that name anymore...well, I figured it was time to get them reissued. Exciting!
Sounds to me like you need a new hobby or goal to work towards.....do I see more running in your future?
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean though, sometimes you just get bored on life. Finding the right tweak will make things better. :)
Oh yeah, I know O day by the frequency at which I grab my husband's butt (among other things, ha). And he knows that means "O day" too so he runs away, lol. But I'm with Jen, sounds like you just need a little tweak or two and then you'll be more excited to wake up every morning. :) And cool on your new name diplomas!
ReplyDelete