Ex-Smoker

Happy six weeks smoke free to me! Hurray! I am happy to say that I feel confident in my non-smoking status. Generally, I don't think too much about it. When I quit smoking (twice) earlier this year for three weeks each time, I started up again when I was having a hard time with the kids. The stress just got to me. I think I've been doing much better wrangling my three young'uns, and I haven't wanted to turn back to cigarettes. On Thanksgiving, I went to my parents' house. They both smoke - the elusive "light smokers" who have no more than a few cigarettes a day. Anyway, they went outside after dinner to smoke...and that was the first time that I thought, "yes, I'd like one, too." I didn't even go outside with them to chat: I found something to keep myself busy, and the urge was fleeting, anyway.

I will have to be careful, though. Cigarettes sound good when I drink, and they have always been a crutch for me when I am stressed. When I quit in 1998 or thereabouts, I did well as a non-smoker. However, I was getting ready to have children, so I was very committed to it and had finite goal(s) in mind.

I started smoking again, briefly, in 2004. I had to have an MRI for an upcoming back surgery. In the MRI machine, I had a complete and utter claustrophobic meltdown! Oh man, did I ever hate that. I left the lab in tears and went across the street and bought a pack of cigarettes. I sat on the stairs of the store and cried and smoked. Eep. MRIs = nasty. Anyway, I was a basket case over the impending surgery, and I smoked for several months leading up to the surgery, then quit right before it.

Also, this week I had a couple dreams about smoking. This isn't unusual - I've had dreams about smoking every time I've quit. These dreams were humorous, though. In the first, I found a half-pack of cigarettes and lit one, without thinking. After I had smoked it, I chastised myself for "forgetting" that I am a non-smoker. Then I realized it was a dream, and I felt relieved that it wasn't really happening. I laughed about it when I woke up. However, the next time I fell asleep, I dreamed I was smoking: this time I was pissed off because I *knew* I wasn't dreaming (of course, I really was)! Oh, I was so mad at myself in that dream...and still a happy non-smoker when I woke up. Oh, crazy psyche...

So...I will always have to watch myself with cigarettes. They are a big time stress "go to" for me. But today, I am six weeks smoke free, I am proud of myself and have no urge to pick up the habit again. Yay, me!

The original quit smoking meter I was using on the blog doesn't seem to be working. This one is okay - but shows some odd currency sign instead of the $ sign. However, the math still checks out. Over 600 cigarettes foregone! And over $300 saved! (Where in the heck is this money, though??)