Freakout

Freakout weight: 145.1 (more aggressive than July's freakout weight of 149.9!)
Today's weight: 145.1 (hence, the freakout)

I've been eating like a bear going into hibernation for the winter. Why am I so hungry? I doubt I am. I think I get those flipping carbs into my system and I want more, more, more. And with as much biking as I've been doing, it's easy to let myself believe that I need more calories. True, I don't want to re-create the experience of when I bonked so hard that day on the trail (I am not convinced I didn't hallucinate the biker man who was talking to me so loudly that I had a hard time staying on the trail, haha) - but I don't think the risk is so great that I need to eat dry Lucky Charms in bed, either. :)

Reality check. My weight this morning was 145.1, what we are calling the new FREAKOUT WEIGHT. If I'm going to spend eight grand to have my loose skin removed in less than a month, then I better have loose skin to remove, yes??

While it's true the weight loss ticker, above, says my low weight is 136, truth be told, I only *touched* that weight for one or two days. I was doing a really good job hovering at 137-139, and that's where I'm pushing myself to be again. A little lower, even. My goal would be to not be able to push the scale into reading 140-anything, fully clothed. My secret goal is to get into the 134-136 range before going into the plastic surgery. I'll lose 3-6 pounds just from the extra skin...so maybe I can make my uber-happy-ultra remaining goals of "losing half my size (131.5) pounds," and breaking into my 120s. Although that one might be a little stressful, because if I break into my 120s I will feel pressure to not let the scale reflect anything 130.x again. At some point, I need to just embrace a weight and focus on maintaining it.

Hullo, protein shakes. How I've missed you. Not. Also, how I've missed the realization from the last time around that I am so lactose-intolerant the protein shakes blew me up like a balloon. Oh well. :) I picked up some non-dairy protein shakes from Whole Foods last time around and didn't try them. I actually returned them one day when I was back at the store...umm, I can't remember why. They were still sitting in my car in a bag with a receipt, and I was there, and I hated protein shakes and never wanted to see them again.

A smart girl would be able to take this weight back off without resorting to a liquid diet. However, for me, it's a nice way to kick start it back down. It was just my time of the month (although I am SURE I had uterine ablation to get rid of my periods, grr) and for whatever reason I am stuck being bloated and hungry during that time. Hopefully these extra pounds will drop off quickly. Truly, it would be ridiculous to go into the plastic surgery on 11/12 with added pounds, duh. 

I'll start by giving up the dang crunchy carbs. Lucky Charms (which *irritates* the heck out of my 7yo when I eat them), Honey Nut Cheerios, pretzel sticks...I've been on a carb bender again. Not to mention the delicious cupcake featured in the photo, below, haha.

But, hey, great weekend! I didn't get to ride my bike. :( Boo! I did do the Cupcake Classic Virtual 5K with Jen and Alli, though. We did it at the high school track in the pouring down rain while my boys participated in a lacrosse seminar for interested new players. I cannot think of the last time I was so wet.

My fancy new cycling jacket.

(I really think that when I have the tummy tuck and recovery, I'll feel good/better about my weight and accepting myself for what it is. That awful loose skin makes me feel fat and incomplete in my weight loss journey. It's such a weird head game. I look at the above picture and am *forced* to acknowledge that I am tiny. I'm not quite 5'3", that is a women's size small jacket and I've got room underneath it. But you know what I see when I look at that picture...gut bulge. Muffin top. Wait 'til you see my flat tummy - oh, and you will, believe me, you will, haha.)

Jen (runnermaybe.com), me, my 13yo and my 7yo, with cupcakes :)

Happily, I did the whole thing without one little twinge of IT band/knee pain. I am thinking this PT is working well for me. I go twice a week until the Snohomish River Run half marathon on 10/27. Then I go twice the following week to see how my IT band held up for the event. :) 

A quick man update just for those keeping track: I am still "seeing" Lance Armstrong, if by seeing, you mean chatting and texting with periodically and getting together when we can. He found my new super love bike for me, he came out to meet him before work one day last week. We are not setting the world on fire romantically, but he is fun and I like him. He has this really wonderful super-cyclist body and I get to touch it. I call that a win-win situation all the way around. :) He is not Mr. Right. He was smoking last week (SERIOUSLY??) and he quit his good job in anger (SERIOUSLY??) although he does start a new one today that's as good or better. But I'm telling you, we share some impulsive/compulsive personality traits (Hi, I'm Julie-eats-dry-Lucky-Charms-in-bed-while-I-watch-Dexter) and I have mine under better control, I think. But I'm wavery in my resistance, and I'm afraid too much Lance Armstrong would lead to me smoking and him drinking. :) While we cover each other in nicotine patches, haha.

I feel funny putting his picture on the blog. He's cute. Trust me.

(Haha, I re-read that Freakout Weight post I linked to at the top of this entry. In that post, I confess to eating ungodly amounts of Cinnamon Life cereal. At least I am predictable in the ways that I get myself into trouble.)