I'm a hard-core "type seven - the enthusiast" with a side of "type eight - the leader." (oops, from that one I draw a lot of the anger and aggression type issues.) But I'm very much a Seven:
This is just a little cut and paste from online, the books I have are less superficial of an explanation. But that's all largely true. Something about the first explanation of "my type" that I read online caught my eye: BOREDOM. Several places mentioned that for this type, boredom is seen as the ultimate punishment. Last week, before I read the Enneagram stuff, I blogged:
It's a lazy three-day weekend here. The kids are with their dad, and I really don't have any plans! This is both a good thing and a bad thing. I have yet to really fill up my free time on holiday weekends since the divorce, so it can be a melancholy thing for me. Or I can get busy and be glad for the extra time away from the office! I'm trying to push it in that direction, of course.I can't process boredom. For me, boredom leads to depression, so I have to keep myself very busy, or I start down a dark path. But, one of these books spoke to my heart when it said (paraphrasing) you get to doing too many things and not focusing on any of them, then you don't derive pleasure from them, so you get more and more frustrated because you're doing all these fun things but not having fun...so your life must suck.
Uh, that's me in a nutshell. One book advised that what I really need to do is "BE PRESENT." In every moment, so I can focus on it, enjoy it, and learn to be satisfied.
The point of this whole blog is that I am kid-free and friendless tonight, and I have been in a mini-turmoil all day. I've got a 90-minute massage scheduled for 5:00pm (because I am just that good at self-care, haha). Afterward, I have a few options:
- Go to art museum, see exhibit I've been wanting to see and it closes 9/11;
- Go to WLS support group, of which I have not attended in a couple months;
- Go to volunteer program open house to assist, of which I have already been politely turned down as they are fully staffed for the evening;
- Phone a friend;
- Go home and do my damn laundry.
Any of these options would be fine, but I am all spun out not being able to settle on any of them. Going home will leave me feeling unsatisfied and lonely, but I've got tons of stuff I could be doing there. I also acknowledge that if I go home, I will not do any of those items.
So, I've printed out my art museum ticket (free, because I'm a member), I've emailed about the volunteer thing, I've confirmed on my calendar that WLS support group is tonight. And I've gotten more and more unhappy all day, not knowing what to do and not being happy with any of my options.
This is my new area of focus - being present. I am big on "I will be happy when..."
- We move out of the little condo into a house
- I lose weight
- I get a boyfriend
- I get a new job
- etc, etc
I am trying to correct this behavior because I can get very down about not having a boyfriend - but I have had profiles on a couple online dating sites and the men I have talked to are such L-O-S-E-R-S and I know I will not go down that path...I genuinely would prefer being alone over having a boyfriend just to have one. So I know there's this internal restlessness I have to satisfy in myself somehow, or I'll just end up with a boyfriend and want to replace him (I feel this is a strong likelihood, anyway, haha, as something inside me that was jaded with my divorce is just not changing yet...).
Anyway. These are some of the thinks I think.