Forty-Something

Well, it has been a very long time since I was "only" forty-something pounds overweight. What a nice feeling! I am happily enjoying my status in the 260s, 250s, 240s, 230s, 220s, 210s, 200s, 190s, 180s. Plus, it is is a nice feeling to only be a few pounds off my drivers license weight. My license has been a bald-faced lie for many, many, many years! Ironically, I did just go in and update my license with the new address, but the wait to have a new picture done was over an hour. My other option was to drop off the change of address form and have a new license with the old picture sent to me. I picked the easy option. :) I will go in around my next birthday, when it expires, and have a new picture taken.

I have said many times lately that all this weight loss is like "aging backwards." It is, really. Things that used to hurt no longer hurt. Without thinking, I grab the first available parking spot at the back of the lot. I'd rather walk than hassle with looking for a spot up front. When my friend and I started climbing stairs, I was near collapse after 12 flights, now we are meeting to run "a quick 20." I fit in places I haven't fit in a long time: my smaller body is just squeezing in narrow spaces to grab something, move something, etc. Again with the parking, I don't worry about how much space is between me and the car next to me, or grabbing an end spot that leaves a controlled amount of space on the drivers side.

I'm not as tired. I wake up easily at 5:00 or 5:30, usually without the aid of an alarm, and I am ready to start the day. I'm not sweating very much. I naturally sweat a lot, only on my face, which is its own form of humiliation...standing around mopping the sweat off my brow. I did this even when I was thin - it's just part and parcel. But when I was morbidly obese, I did it a lot, and I *hated* it. Now, it's just a minor annoyance to deal with sometimes.

This week, I started riding the bus again. In a cost-cutting measure, I gave up my $200/month parking at my building and take the neighborhood bus. Parking had really become a ridiculous luxury, as the neighborhood bus picks me up 100 yards from my front door and drops me off a couple escalator rides from my office. When I started driving to work, it was post-divorce, when all the kids were consumed by stress and anxiety (or just being his wild self) and I was constantly rushing over to pick some sick kid up from school. Things have settled down now where I can take the bus. I *hated* taking the bus as a fat person. You just know everyone dreads you sitting next to them. I am very touchy, feely with my friends and people I love, but cannot stand strangers mashed up against me. Now, I just easily slide into my seat and don't have to feel too squished.

It is hard to imagine my frame with another 40-something or 50-something pounds gone! I know, of course, I have a lot more weight to lose, but I'm getting into "regular" proportions. Size 10 or 12 jeans, size L or XL shirts. It is a nice feeling. :) I am not thinking extra skin is going to be a huge problem. Things seems to be shrinking up in relative proportion to the weight loss, especially considering another 40/50-something pounds to go. I can see I will have flaps and flabs, but I don't think I'll look like I'm wearing an oversized skin suit.

All in all, it is a time of great celebration and feelings of accomplishment. I am holding my own feet to the fire, because I have been getting lax with both my eating and my exercise. I still have a lot I want to accomplish. But it is a really, really cool feeling to know that I have gotten into manageable territory. That's what ultimately pushed me into the surgery: a feeling of complete and utter despair, an inability to see how I could possibly improve my situation. Now, I just feel like the path rolls out in front of me, ready for me to run.