Tuesday, April 17, 2012

The Elephant in the Room: Loose Skin and Dating

Ah, y'all are so sweet. Thank you for your nice comments and emails about this post, in which I talked about dating and loose skin. I feel like I should address it a little more, because I sure understand where y'all are coming from!

It didn't make me feel great that he brought up the subject. However, I should be clear: the loose skin is the elephant in the room. It's not, "Oh, I'm 42 and my body is not perfect," it's not, "I've lost a little weight and my tummy is saggy." It's not even, "Wow, look at that loose skin!" It's OMG, WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED HERE???? It's relevant to the situation to bring it up, in other words. It's a tiny little frame (mine) with a whole lot of ummmm, visible damage. He'd have to be blind, or even a little stoopid, not to notice it and even comment. When I am leaning over, which I have done in the mirror to torture myself, it's this massive, uh, yuck, hanging there. My breasts, once full and round, are empty sacks of pendulous skin. Even my butt, tiny and toned from all those stairs, has hanging wrinkly bits.

I wouldn't trade it for the excess weight for nothing. And when I wrap myself in spandex and a good bra every morning, it does a reasonable job of concealing the mess.

So I don't begrudge him for bringing it up. It's the same with scars, or tattoos, or any other relevant subject of conversation as you're getting to know someone new and the package they come in. :)

I still haven't divulged the true extent of my weight loss, nor have we talked any more about it. I did actually print off my one year weight loss collage to show him, but never got around to it. I will. Because yes, I do believe that in a long-term relationship, you know each other's secrets and pasts. It is something I will be open about, and I am open about the surgery and the fact that I don't eat a lot, etc.

Here's the thing. Right now, I want him to fall in love with me for who I am NOW. I'm not that 263 pound girl anymore. I don't even know her or remember her. He doesn't need to know her, because that person is gone. Yes, at some point, he can know what I remember of her, which mostly just exists in pictures and the exciting journey it has been to release the real me from all that extra weight.

Maybe he'd be proud of me for all that weight loss. I know my friends and family certainly are! But right now, I want ME to be what he thinks about, not the old me. As we progress along, we'll have lots of chances to talk about our pasts and our challenges and our successes. This particular one is one that I don't mind playing a little close to the vest right now. I may be being overly cautious, but it's what I'm comfortable with!

Rushing this entry a bit because I have to scoot, but I wanted to make sure you all knew how much I appreciated your comments and love. And I wanted to defend him a little bit for posing the question, because he is really an awesome guy and I don't consider that a defining moment in our relationship. :)

xoxo

5 comments:

  1. I think of this when I think of my loose skin!

    enjoy - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5jyNui_IBA

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jen, ewww!!! Yup, that's about right. Ugh. :)

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