Thursday, June 21, 2012

Just Stuff

My plan to smash into my 130s was foiled this week by a super-salty sushi dinner with my daughter the other night, I think. Well, I didn't even have sushi: she's eating vegetarian, so I just split some dishes with her. Agedashi Tofu, Vegetable Gyoza, Edamame Croquettes, and a Garden Roll. Oops, and an order of Veggie Tempura. Although I didn't eat too much, I think the salt content pretty much dashed any hopes of dropping that half pound I was looking for. Oh well. Soon.

Post-WLS eating is interesting. See, when I ordered all that food, I was thinking it would be good nibbles and my daughter would get to try a variety of stuff. I know what *I* can eat, and it's not much. Although I did eat a whole piece of Papa Murphy's Garlic Chicken w/ Bacon and Artichoke pizza this morning, so I can certainly eat more than I used to do.

But what I don't think about is how much *others* can eat. I'm not kidding when I say that now, when I go to a restaurant and see those MASSIVE portions - it does a little number on my brain. It's weird to think of how much food people eat. How much I used to eat. I know my portions are quite small and I am still not losing weight: how does anyone lose weight with those GIANT MEALS??

I had a point here: it was that my daughter ate all that food I ordered. I felt badly for ordering it. Maybe it wasn't all that much, but to me it seemed like A LOT, and I felt like a bad mama for putting it in front of her. She is mama's girl, through and through. I always ate such big portions, too. Ah, I guess she didn't eat the tofu - we took that home for her lunch the next day (ew, which must have been a little soggy, but she said she didn't mind). Still. And then we had time to kill before the concert we were attending, and I split a giant cookie with her. Ah, food is love, how to break the cycle??

Tonight, we're back at the Y and I am planning to TEAR IT UP on the treadmill. It will just be Alli and me, the boys will be with their dad. I'm celebrating what I'm calling Day Four of my smoke-free existence.*

*It's not really Day Four, but it's my math and I get to count it the way I want it. I smoked Monday morning before I got the Chantix prescription. I had one or two after that, then one on Tuesday (which sucked and tasted horrible). None yesterday. So, you might think that yesterday was Day One, but you are sadly mistaken, because today is Day Four. Just let me have this. Capisce?

Today is also the day where I'm supposed to double up the prescription and take a pill in the AM and the PM. Then in a few days, the dosage for both AM and PM doubles. But my plan is to stay at this low dose.*

*I'm not a doctor, but I have seen people playing doctors on TV.

The reason I'm sticking with the low dosage (for now) is that I am DONE smoking. Boy, has it ever been bothering me when I smoke. And it was interfering with my work outs. Plus, it really sucks to smell cigarettes while you're running. And then realize it's you. Plus, I got an iron IV infusion yesterday and I thought about what a SLAP it is to go to a cancer doctor, sitting in a room where people are receiving chemotherapy, smelling like cigarettes. (I didn't, but because I was driving, I wanted a cigarette, which made me think about walking into the office smelling like smoke. Ugh.) 

They really baby you during those iron IV infusions. You can't see the juice and snacks, but I had 'em.

Importantly, I'm sticking with the low dose because I'm worried about side effects. We've all heard the commercials. "Chantix may cause depression, suicidal thoughts or ideations, bad dreams or nightmares..." Well, who wants that?? Not me. And since I'm prone to all that nastiness, anyway, well, I don't want to tempt fate. Last night, I caught myself talking in my sleep. I've always been a sleep-talker, so it wasn't a huge surprise, but it generally triggers around stress or big changes, or, oh, I don't know, prescription medication that affects your sleep. 

I tell ya, I'd forego the prescription entirely if I weren't so friggin' over this ridiculous bad habit and the sheer stupidity of fighting it for over twenty years. (Well, I did quit for over twelve years when I was ready to have babies...right up until I got divorced, but I wouldn't say I battled the urge much during that 12 years.) I just want to be DONE. Hell, I *am* done. And, God help me, please don't ever let the stupid idea of lighting one more stupid cigarette ever take hold in my brain again. I am *not* someone who can have "just one." Heck, I'm not a "just one" kinda girl, anyway.

Anyway. No smoking. Tearing it up on the treadmill tonight. I spent the night with Greg last night and I did not smoke when he did. I noticed him noticing that I was not smoking, but as is the superstitious way of quitting smoking, he did not comment on it and I did not volunteer anything. There's a high "jinx factor" in this process, I'm afraid. Ugh, I hope he will quit, too. It takes a much higher degree of resolve to be a non-smoker paired with a smoker. :(

My doctor says you can take Chantix for a few months. I don't know how long I'll take it. I've got a month's worth of pills that at the low dose will last me a lot longer (because I'll be breaking pills in half and only taking it once a day). I certainly don't intend to refill it. Let's just put some distance between me and Day One before deciding, shall we?

Oh, yesterday was my son's 5th grade graduation. :) We are very proud of him and have absolutely no idea whatsoever how he will possibly manage middle school, with seven classes and corresponding homework to attend to. Oy, that boy. But we'll figure it out. And as you can see, he is terribly cute. Here's a picture of him with his dad and me. (p.s. It's okay to tell me how much better I'm aging than his dad, and how we have beautiful children but you just don't *see* us as a couple, and whether the authorities got involved when an older man came chasing after such a young girl, and...)

Proud parents and a boy who wanted his mom to stop kissing him at school.


  1. Read it as tearing (as in crying) it up on the treadmill. hahahaha.

    And, why yes, how could the father of your children be so much older than you?

  2. You count it however you want...I AM SO PROUD OF YOU JULIEEEE!!! And I forgot that your son and my daughter are in the same grade, hard to believe come Aug they will be in MS! Aaack. You look sooooo much younger than the ex, that is FOR SURE! The sleeve becomes you. :-)