Clearly This Isn't Working

Time to play catch-up on the ole blog! I shouldn't let so long go between entries - the week just got away from me.

Regarding my license plate, "IM HIGH," it's my last name. :) I got it in celebration of reclaiming my maiden name when I got divorced. The guy at the DOL said he would accept my application, but that I would never see the permanent plates out of Olympia. So imagine how shocked I was when they showed up! For awhile, I was pretty nervous - afraid it would result in me being pulled over a lot, when I am already a uhhhh, questionable driver at times. (I have lost 93 pounds now, but not one single pound of it came from my lead foot, haha.) I am happy to report this is not the case.

I have had several cops pull up beside me laughing their heads off. This is always a bit disconcerting, because when a police car pulls up right beside you...well, at least if you're me, you're not generally thinking they want to share a laugh with you! I'll admit, I love parking in the police parking lot when I do my volunteer shifts with them.

There is one drawback of the plates, though. I suspect they will one day get me rear-ended. Many's the time that I've been driving along, minding my own beeswax, when I notice a car ON MY BUTT for no reason. Invariably, they either have a passenger taking a pic (good) or (bad) they are taking a picture themselves while driving.

And, oh the kids! Wow, do I ever get a lot of teenagers honking and laughing when they pass. Uhh, I am probably a bad role model. That's okay, I am just having fun. I cannot wait until the day my cute license plate is on my super-cute little red convertible or other fun car. For now, it stays put on my little econo-sedan.

Oh! I felt skinny this weekend. Why? It was freezing cold and raining when I went to my son's football game. I shouldn't have felt skinny - I was wearing leggings with jeans over them, and a spandex cami and two long sleeve shirts with a coat over it.

That's actually *why* I felt skinny. Never in a bazillion years would I have been willing/able to dress in so many layers a year ago. Nuh-uh. I would have felt like the Michelin tire man. Yay me!

There was a downside to that day, too, besides my son's team getting yet another shellacking on the field. I had rinsed my hair, but not washed it. It was not looking good. I stuck it in a ponytail, but it was truly a bad hair day. And my poor hair has lots of bad days now - it has just thinned so darn much. Anyway, not a good hair day.

Before I say this, I need to say that I love that blunt little ten-year-old of mine to death. Almost literally, sometimes. I could. just. wring. his. neck. But I love him. He seems to have appointed himself my handler, especially since the surgery. "Should you be eating that?" "I thought the weight loss would be faster," etc. Happily, he has also thrown in such concerns as, "How will you stop losing weight when it's time?" and "You won't let yourself get too skinny, right?"

Anyway. Those are nice concerns - but the one he carelessly voiced after the football game nearly got him tossed outta da car. "What's going on with your hair?" he said. "I could see your scalp from the field. Just lots of white scalp. Isn't that kind of embarrassing?"

Pardon me while I remind myself how much I love the little bugger, and he didn't ask with one ounce of meanness. Concern. A gentle nudge to bring my A-game to his games, haha. This from the same son who suggests we start going to church, "so maybe you can meet some people."

Yes, it was a terrible hair day. It was raining and my hair had gotten off to a bad start, anyway. I had mowed the lawn at 9:00 am and then ran out of time. I hope, hope, hope it starts growing back soon, and stops thinning. This weekend I swept the floor in front of my mirror in the bedroom, where I usually blow dry. My (naturally) cherry-red brown hair blends pretty well with the hardwood floors. Uhh, there sure was a damn pile of it there. I am forever cleaning the wheel of the vacuum cleaner, too. Ugh.

It's worth it, it's worth it, it's worth it. But it sure is disconcerting.

Iron. (Wow, I am cramming like five blogs into one entry today!) I went to the hematologist on Friday. I will have another iron IV infusion this week. Can I get a YAY??? The hematologist confirmed my suspicions. In February, my ferritin was 76. In August, it was 40. We are trying to get it above 50: when I first saw him last October or November, it was 0. That, he attributed to my extremely frequent blood donations (every 56 days on the nose) and my long run of menses from putting in, then taking out the Mirena IUD.

Now, he says I could just be absorbing less iron because of the surgery. I do not see how this is possible, since pre-op I rarely ate meat, and post-op, it's practically all I eat. Oy!! Anyway, I have not been taking my prescription iron supplements, since they are prone to give me a hella bad stomachache. Since the appointment, however, I have had good success taking them at bedtime with some food. This morning, I also took my vitamin D and calcium. I have officially qualified for rock star status in my book!

I have two doctors: my hematologist and my general practitioner. I cannot beg, borrow, or steal prescription vitamin D out of them, even though my number is at the very bottom of the scale (30). This vexes me, but it also concerns me for all the peeps that are on high dose prescriptions - of which I have three good friends taking it. Both my doctors are convinced this will cause later bone density problems in women. I'm told to take 2000 IUI 5x/week, no more. Grrr. I told my hematologist I would like *JUST ONCE* to know what it feels like to be mid-range in vitamin D and iron!

Anyway - the hematologist thinks the extreme cold I've been feeling, as well as my lethargy, will be remedied by jacking up my ferritin levels again. I think he's right! There's definitely a peak to how I felt in February-ish versus how I feel now. It's like I have the desire to work out, to keep working on my body, but absolutely no energy to do it. He alluded to an invisible line in my iron levels where I feel great, versus where I feel exhausted. He wants to keep me above the line, and I am all for it! Thankfully, you feel pretty good pretty quickly after those IVs, within a week or so I noticed a difference, I think. Will this be for the rest of my life, do you think??? Not sure. He encouraged me to keep experimenting with taking the oral supplements successfully. People generally don't have problems with the prescription supplements (except for the bazillion dollar price that is not covered by insurance, ugh).

Oh - back to the title of this entry. Without exercise, my weight loss is DOA. I hit 170 pounds this weekend, a new low, but only a pound in almost a month. And it bounced back up to 171/172-ish again, where I have been hanging out FOREVER. I need to exercise to kick this back into gear, or at least feel like any failure to lose is because I'm gaining muscle mass, haha. Point being, if I was working out, I would not feel as stressed as I do about the lack of loss. I don't want to stop here - I've got a lot more to lose and I want it gone!

Edited to add: I had some more good experiences this weekend. I took the kids to a arts/crafts/street festival nearby. My ex's brother and his wife had a stand there (they do concrete kitchen counters, etc type of stuff). I haven't seen that side of the family since the divorce, except my ex-FIL. Anyway, yesterday, we saw a bunch of that side of the family. It was nice to see them again, for one - I adored my SIL, who came into the family just as I was leaving. Ironically, BIL and my ex have gotten a lot closer since the divorce, which I had always pushed for *before* the divorce. (I should do the same with my own sister and her husband, sigh.) Anyway, everyone was really complimentary about my weight loss, which was a nice feel-good boost for me, especially since the weight loss has slowed so much. Also, that evening, we ran into another uncle on that side of the family at Target - he didn't even recognize me when he walked by! (Laugh - or the kids, even though he had cracked up at Reid saying that "daddy bought that kind of peanut butter and it makes me wanna barf!") Anyway, I flagged him down and we caught up a little bit and he said that I was looking really great. It was nice.

Edited to add more: OMG how many times did I say "nice" in the paragraph, above, talking about seeing my ex's family?? Divorce is odd - even a couple years later, there's strained feelings and awkwardness around it all. We did not end badly, but we are definitely divorced. He and his family are good people. It was nice to see them. :)