100 Pounds, Beeyatch!

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(Note: the blog author means no insult whatsoever to beloved friends and readers by entitling this entry, "100 pounds, bitches!" It is simply the only title that will enter my head this morning - and it is yelled with jubilation and great zeal.)

OMG! I did it! I've lost one hundred stinking pounds! Do you know what this means??? I can't even begin to tell you all the happiness and joy this makes me feel. (Okay, and always a little bit of sadness that I got myself into such a mess where I *needed* to lose 100 pounds.) 

I got on the scale this AM, and I'll tell you, the first time, the scale wouldn't give it up. "ARE YOU SHITTING ME??" I yelled at it. (Wow, this is an especially rowdy post, haha.) I decided to pretend I hadn't weighed, give the scale another chance to come to its senses while I turned on the furnace and puttered around a bit. The second time, yeah, baby, that scale had wizened up!

It's a bit silly, I think, to have my last post be about 99 pounds lost and this post to be about 100 pounds lost, and I gotta say, I don't care. :) What a milestone!! For the first time in FOREVER, I get to say, "Oh yeah, I've got 20-something pounds I want to take off."

The last time I remember being at this weight, I was in my very early 20s. I expect I had already married, but just. I really started packing on those pounds after I got married. (Perhaps because you married the wrong man, dips*hit.) Anyway, I remember talking with my doctor, who was applauding my weight loss and telling me that really, I was in a great weight range, and only had about 20 pounds or so to go.

Uhhh, I think I started gaining it back immediately. What a goofball. Open the door to complacency to me, and I will barge right through it every time. Oh, am I practically a normal weight? Well, I get to eat like a skinny bitch, then, don't I? Because I'm normal! 

Tread carefully here, dear Free Julie. You are freeing the beginnings of a really banging little body, and you don't want to screw it up. Keep at it, work hard, feel good. God bless this little vertical sleeve, because although I am sure it is possible to screw it up, my sleeve keeps me pretty firmly affixed to the straight and narrow through greatly limited portions and a high degree of food intolerance. My brain is finally catching up to my body, where my brain says smart things like, "Well, I'm damn sure not eating any of that, it hurts."

Thank you, brain. I need you. The overeating compulsion is very strong in me, and I really, really need you on board to make sure I don't get myself off track. Between new-found responsibility on my brain's part, and my sleeve saying, "really, I'll just make you puke that crap up or make you sorry you ever ate it," well, I'm pretty well grounded on my path to success, haha.

Banging body. Oh, these size 12 levis that called to me from my closet are really just TOO STINKING BIG now. It is time to part company, soon. I keep wearing them because damn, who doesn't feel hot in a pair of levis? And I went to Lane Bryant the other day to get a push-up bra (the style is called "Plunge," I believe.) I told my friend yesterday that what this bra does for my tits is outright false advertising! Cleavage! Lifted! Hot!

It's what happens when the bra comes off that it all gets a little frightening, haha. Between the ultra-compacting control camisole and the hottie cleavage bra, well, I am really strutting my stuff out there. For the first time in a million years!! Wow, I don't even need an audience, I cannot even BEGIN to tell you how good it feels for me to look at ME and not feel...hatred. Self-loathing. Shame. Embarrassment. 

Nuh-uh. One hundred pounds lighter and I feel sexy, confident, strong, proud and incredibly optimistic. What an amazing freaking feeling. I can't even begin to express what a gift this operation was to me. Sometimes I feel like approaching morbidly obese people and telling them, "It doesn't have to be like this!!" But then I think how I would have felt if someone had done that to me, and I keep my mouth shut. :) But seriously. It feels so freaking great.