Hawt Mom

At lunch, I made Sabrina take pictures for my online dating profile, because day-um, I've got it going on today! I have gotten so many compliments today on my hair (which I almost stopped to buy a hat to cover on my way to work) and my outfit and my weight loss. "Sabrina!" I said, "I need some pictures for Manhunt 2012! Today!!"

Naturally, she obliged. And she made me take one with the kicky foot, too, but I'm not using it. That girl loves the kicky foot pose. I'll stick it here for your reference, but it's not going on the dating profile. :)

I'm challenging myself to give myself a break. I'm so hard on everything about me. Seriously, I about cried with my lack of hair styling skill this morning, I was so frustrated. It was a hard morning. I yelled at my kids (at least 1/3 of which had it coming), I have been letting myself feel unlovable (did I tell you the final straw on Friday night when I dumped Cappy? He dropped me off at my place - this after all the texts from Navy - and said, "Ok, kiddo, I'll see you later." Kiddo. I very nearly went medieval on his ass. Last night, texting about whether we were getting together on Thursday night, he said, "Hit me up." This. is. not. going. anywhere. All pretense is gone on both our parts.

Nor should it go anywhere, I think. Last Friday was kind of the breaking point for me, although Navy did a lot to exacerbate the situation. Seeing Cappy dressed in all black, including shorts and knee-high Doc Marten's ("20-holers" he called them) to go to that club...I was really just thinking, "we are so freaking different." Standing outside for an hour in the rain with people half our age to get in? This is not me. Not me. Not me. (Still a very fun night, though, haha.) 

Okay, so that's how I'm challenging myself. Lighten up. I have so much. SO MUCH. My family and friends - they alone are worth the world to me. My job (err, I need to get back to work). Health, a home, all that good stuff. I am feeling much better, but wow, is this ever an incredibly challenging time in my life. Sometimes, I am completely and utterly exhausted. Hell, USUALLY, I am completely and utterly exhausted.

Edited to add: I post five gabillion pictures of myself on this blog. I do that for a couple reasons: I re-read the blog myself when I need inspiration, to remind myself how far I've come, to prove to myself how far I've come, etc. I also do it because before WLS, I scoured and poured over every WLS blog I could, *needing* to see how people had progressed, needing to see success stories. If that helps anyone, I want to be there for them, too. (I think I almost have Amy W.'s blog memorized, I spent so much time with it before and following WLS.) But I promise you, I don't need you to comment on the pictures. :) Oh, Julie, it's Wednesday! You look as great as you did Tuesday! And Sunday! And last Thursday! Hahaha, really. I completely love and appreciate all the support of friends and fellow bloggers who read my blog. Really. With all the pictures, I'm just finding my way on my journey.

Kicky.