A Big Lunch

It's still a WLS blog, doncha know? It just doesn't feel like it all the time. Today, however, I'm posting a picture of a "big lunch."

I knew, as I bought it, that I should only get two California rolls. But, as usual, my eyes are bigger than my stomach. I got three. I've eaten two now, and I am very, very full. I still have about half the broccoli left.

My, how times have changed. Here's my pre-op lunch post from 12/1/10. Oh, hey, and a post-op lunch follow-up that was almost exactly a year ago today!

Hawt Mom

At lunch, I made Sabrina take pictures for my online dating profile, because day-um, I've got it going on today! I have gotten so many compliments today on my hair (which I almost stopped to buy a hat to cover on my way to work) and my outfit and my weight loss. "Sabrina!" I said, "I need some pictures for Manhunt 2012! Today!!"

Naturally, she obliged. And she made me take one with the kicky foot, too, but I'm not using it. That girl loves the kicky foot pose. I'll stick it here for your reference, but it's not going on the dating profile. :)

I'm challenging myself to give myself a break. I'm so hard on everything about me. Seriously, I about cried with my lack of hair styling skill this morning, I was so frustrated. It was a hard morning. I yelled at my kids (at least 1/3 of which had it coming), I have been letting myself feel unlovable (did I tell you the final straw on Friday night when I dumped Cappy? He dropped me off at my place - this after all the texts from Navy - and said, "Ok, kiddo, I'll see you later." Kiddo. I very nearly went medieval on his ass. Last night, texting about whether we were getting together on Thursday night, he said, "Hit me up." This. is. not. going. anywhere. All pretense is gone on both our parts.

Nor should it go anywhere, I think. Last Friday was kind of the breaking point for me, although Navy did a lot to exacerbate the situation. Seeing Cappy dressed in all black, including shorts and knee-high Doc Marten's ("20-holers" he called them) to go to that club...I was really just thinking, "we are so freaking different." Standing outside for an hour in the rain with people half our age to get in? This is not me. Not me. Not me. (Still a very fun night, though, haha.) 

Okay, so that's how I'm challenging myself. Lighten up. I have so much. SO MUCH. My family and friends - they alone are worth the world to me. My job (err, I need to get back to work). Health, a home, all that good stuff. I am feeling much better, but wow, is this ever an incredibly challenging time in my life. Sometimes, I am completely and utterly exhausted. Hell, USUALLY, I am completely and utterly exhausted.

Edited to add: I post five gabillion pictures of myself on this blog. I do that for a couple reasons: I re-read the blog myself when I need inspiration, to remind myself how far I've come, to prove to myself how far I've come, etc. I also do it because before WLS, I scoured and poured over every WLS blog I could, *needing* to see how people had progressed, needing to see success stories. If that helps anyone, I want to be there for them, too. (I think I almost have Amy W.'s blog memorized, I spent so much time with it before and following WLS.) But I promise you, I don't need you to comment on the pictures. :) Oh, Julie, it's Wednesday! You look as great as you did Tuesday! And Sunday! And last Thursday! Hahaha, really. I completely love and appreciate all the support of friends and fellow bloggers who read my blog. Really. With all the pictures, I'm just finding my way on my journey.

Kicky.

Randomness

First off, Kim over at 23imaginaryfriends tagged me on a runner's thing that was going around. I think there were running questions that prefaced the individual questions Kim asked, but I'll skip those. ;) Here's my responses to her questions:

My 11 questions

1. Do you have a favorite reality TV show?  Why?
I have three that I will not miss (even if on DVR or On Demand): Top Chef, Project Runway and ack...omg...I am getting so old...I cannot remember the third even though it was in my head just one moment ago. Let me come back to this.

2. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, which one is it?

It wouldn't be a long life, I guess, but I loves me some skinny crunchy breadsticks. Or good tortilla chips and pico de gallo.

3. What is the last Groupon you purchased?  If you don't Groupon, what is the last "great deal" you purchased?

I think the last one I purchased was for $25 bowling for $50. My two friends also each purchased one. We better get the hell out there before those coupons expire!

4.  What was the first run/walk race you finished?

I haven't done one. I'm almost on the verge of sort of caving into pressure and doing a 5K. We registered for the Seattle St. Patrick's Day one last year, but then it was a rainy, miserable day and we all bailed.

5.  You just won a round trip ticket to anywhere on Southwest airlines.  Where do you fly to and why?

Oh, someplace warm and sandy, please!

6.  What were your wedding colors?  Or what do you want them to be?

Peach and mint green. Ack. Next time, it's courthouse to airport, baby. See warm and sandy, above.

7.  Do you eat breakfast?

Very rarely, although I am dedicated to getting my Earl Grey tea ASAP every morning and I keep it flowing all day.

8.  Salty or sweet?  What is your favorite?

Salty, hands down. I can generally avoid sweet pretty easily.

9.  iPad or laptop?

Laptop. But I have an iPhone, and I do almost all my computing on it.

10.  To bed early or sleep in late?

Both, please. I am such a slug these days. But really, I tend to go to bed early and get up early(ish).

11.  Go grab your iPod.  What is the first song that pops up or is on your first playlist?


Bahaha, I confess, I let Cappy fill up my iPhone with his...uh...different music. The first song on shuffle is Aviador Dro - Antimateria. Umm, I don't even know which is the band and which is the song. It's club music. This one's in Spanish. I have music from all over the world, so I don't even try to listen to lyrics these days, haha. Ray's music is decidedly different from anything I've ever listened to, but it's really quite good. I'll put in the headphones and get going at work, it's good background. 


********************


Have I blogged here that I have noticed I get very sad/depressed when I ovulate? Well, why on earth wouldn't I have told you this before? I tell you everything! hahaha. Anyway, I wonder how I'll track that now that I've been rendered barren. My womb is a hostile place where no child will grow, thankyouverymuch. I'm thinking I won't have trouble tracking it, because THOSE WILL BE THE DAYS THAT I AM ABOUT TO SLIT MY WRISTS. I'm hoping today will be better. But I did pull up my little iPeriod tracker, and sure enough, this is ovulation time. It has been a hard, hard, hard couple days. I am feeling better thus far this morning, though, so I think the worst is behind me. I really need to time this right with a nice man and see if, umm, a diversion of sorts would help change my attitude. 


Men. I got nothing. Cappy and I are like the Odd Couple now. Or Golden Girls. The other night when I dumped him, I confess that I did it because I was a) slightly intoxicated, b) really, really mad at that Navy guy, and c) he called me "kiddo" when he dropped me off. Yesterday afternoon he texted me "Happy Single Awareness Day" (which is actually what I posted to my facebook yesterday morning, so we do think alike, haha). Sooooo not a boyfriend. I recanted the dumping though, because I do have such fun with him, and, really, what else have I got going on? We have dialed it way back, though. It was that we were spending every free minute of my kid-free time together.


Weight loss. Having goal within sight has rejuvenated my commitment, and I've been eating tuna packets and hard-boiled eggs again. Uh, until yesterday, when I feasted on a small piece of fudge (very small, actually), a couple handfuls of chocolate covered almonds, a bite of a chocolate-covered caramel (which I threw away, I hate those - I was tricked), and probably a half-dozen Dove chocolate-cherry hearts. This was not weight-loss eating. T'weren't nothing compared to how I would have eaten pre-op, but it was a lotta candy.


And I think that's about all I have for you today. Still can't remember my third don't-miss reality show. I always like Amazing Race, but my interest in that has waned over the last several seasons. It's not Survivor or any of those. Huh, maybe it's just Top Chef and Project Runway. :) 

Things Someone Else Has Learned - Hilarious!

I am copying and pasting this from obesityhelp.com but here is the direct link. I can't stand the formatting on that site - maybe it is my browser. Anyway, this post-WLS list is funny, and so true. Thank you, "Bikerchikk"!


Here's the link to her actual obesityhelp blog.


Things I have learned
posted on 10/4/10 8:30 am

 I have decided to write down all the things I have gotten from this experience so far. Here are the little things I have learned, some NSV's and some funny things that I just can't get out of my head.

 1) When I first started this journey, the thing I learned is it takes forever to get to your surgery date. Even if it is only a month away.
  2) Then right after surgery I learned that if you are a newly pre op, that if you think you have to pass gas, sit on the toilet. Never trust a fart right after major surgery.
  3) Sip and wait. It may stay there, it may not. If you drink too fast it hurts and thinking you are going to burp and then having water or crystal lite dribbling out your nose impresses no one.
  4) Bite sizes change after surgery. I use to take bites the size of a gum eraser, now I must take bites the size of a pencil eraser that has been used for a while.
  5) If you drink after eating, you will regret it.
  6) A boiled egg sounds like a good idea, but my hearing is bad.
  7) A kitchen timer is my new best friend early out. One to two minutes between every bite chewed well, one hour before drinking.
  8) Taking an acid reducer gets rid of shoulder pain and makes water easy to drink. I had no idea i had an acid problem, but I guess I did, because now I don't toss every thing i eat and I can drink more.
  9) I use to avoid booths at restaurants because I did not like my boobs sitting on the table. Now I avoid them because I feel like a 3 year old because the table is so far away.
  10) Store clerks find it funny when you do not know what size you wear. But some find it fun to help you and dress you up like a life size barbie doll.
  11) Scales at your friends houses are evil. They tell you you have gained or lost weight you have not.
  12) All Dr's have graduated from the Spanish inquisition school of torture.
  13) You become linked in an unhealthy way to your scale and miss it when you leave the house for more than 24 hrs.
  14) A kitchen scale and a food journal is the only reliable way to keep track of your eating. I use fitday.
  15) Corn is grown in hell and if you eat it too early out it will take you back there with it.
  16) You are no longer going to have a bowel movement every day, you just don't eat enough. You will have one when ever it is most inconvenient during the week. Like a big presentation or when you are driving through no where USA with no toilet in site. Or at a concert with a half mile long line.
  17) You will forget to eat. In my life before weight loss surgery, I have forgotten my keys, my wallet, my phone, my phone number, after one really great party I forgot my name for a while, but I never forgot to eat. Now I do all the time. Once I passed out from low blood sugar or some damn thing. I set the alarm on my cell phone now to remind me to eat. I used to think that you would have to be pretty damn stupid to forget to eat.
  18) If you are in a stall you are losing inches. I did not lose a pound for 6 weeks once but I went down sizes in pants and lost 3 inches in my waist and 4 in my hips.
  19) The faster you drop a pants size is inversely proportional to how much you like a pair of pants. If you find a great pair and they look great on you, they will fit a week and a half tops. If you find a pair that are just ok, they will fit for a month and a half.
  20) You will soon hate things you use to like to eat. And suddenly you will like things you never used to like. You will also get in food ruts.
  21) I find if I get in a food rut, where I am eating the same thing basically every day, I stop losing weight.
  22) If you eat carbs, you will crave carbs, if you eat salts, you will crave salts. If I eat corn syrup in anything, I throw up. Just say no to carbs. One or two bites once a week in an evening is ok, but if you eat carbs early in the day, you are going to want more all day long.
  23) Get off your butt every day. Even if all you do is walk a block. Park at the end of the parking lot, play with your kids. Whatever, MOVE. You will feel better.
  24) If you start saving right after surgery, by the time you have lost all your weight and are ready, you will have a down payment on all the plastic surgery you swore you would never have.
  25) Protein drinks still come in handy on days when you just can't get in your protein.
  26) Your boobs start out looking at where you are going but end up looking at your feet. I figure they are just amazed to see feet down there. Either that or my belly was just holding them up.
  27) Sex is amazing when you can get in all these new positions and get your feet up next to your ears.
  28) Painting your toenails becomes amazing simple
  29) You are daily area amazed at the things you can do and how easy things are. You find that you are not afraid of breaking things by sitting or standing on them.
  30) You also find things are a bit harder when you do not have as much weight behind you. I got pulled off my feet by the roll door of my friends shop. They thought it was hilarious. I went to roll the door up and it kept going and up I went too.
  31) People have actually called me skinny and I have looked around to see who was standing behind me.
  32) Takes a lot more lean to turn my motorcycle now. You use your weight to turn and since I have lost over 90 pounds total, it takes a bit more effort.
  33) You have to have money and like to shop to lose weight. I have spent more money on clothes and new leathers in the last 6 months than in the last 10 years before that.
  34) If you don't drink enough water you feel like shit and you don't lose weight.
  35) You need to have your vitamin levels and iron checked regularly. I have become anemic and had to have an iron infusion and now take twice daily iron pills. I feel much better and have twice the amount of energy.
  36) Learning how to tuck loose skin into your pants is an acquired skill.
  37) If you want to really piss off those hard bodies at your gym, let them see how much your weight drops every time.
  38) Working out becomes fun when you can do it with out seeing spots in front of your eyes after only 10 minutes.
  39) People treat me different now I am a size 7/8 than when I was a size 20/22. The other day a good looking (if dumber than a box of rocks) 29 year old was trying to pick up on me.
  40) I feel younger. Really, I recommend this surgery to anyone thinking of having weight loss surgery.
  41) Make sure you take your measurements and take lots of pictures before you start so you can compare. 

Depression

First off, let me say that I am so glad I am only *seven pounds* off my first goal weight! Yay! I'm seven away from being "normal." Normal BMI, that is.

Secondly, let me say that I am bottom of the barrel depressed right now. I go through periods of this, where my life is just completely and utterly...exhausting. Meaningless. Undesirable. A lot of it is the time of year. This time of year in Seattle is tough, but unfortunately, it only gets worse from here. The long, miserable gray days really get to me. I can't blame it on the weather, too much, though, because we have actually had some pretty stellar days lately! Lots of sunshine and blue skies.

I could blame it on the men. Dating is exhausting, and while fun in some ways, it is not at all fun in most ways. It's nervewracking putting yourself out there, it makes me nervous to meet people for first dates. It is frustrating, disappointing, and hell, even a little SCARY when you meet someone like Navy who then proceeds to freak you the hell out.

Credit to my good instincts, though, as well as my volunteer training as a domestic violence victim support team member. By the time Navy was grilling me on Friday afternoon about where I was going and with whom, my little alarm bells were already ringing. The bazillion texts and phone calls that night made it an easy decision to kick him to the curb, and quickly. After working with so many domestic violence victims...well, the stories all have a lot of similarities, let's just say that. And it starts with the man being hella-concerned about where you are and who you're with.

Besides Navy, though, my quasi-non-relationship with Cappy is bringing me down. Sure, on Friday night I told him to call me if/when he is ready to date. By Saturday morning, I recanted. I just enjoy being with him a lot. I tell myself he is "filler" and someone fun to hang out with until he either decides he wants me or I meet someone else. But really, that feels like a bad decision. I'd take him in my life even as a good friend...but I'm thinking this is not a good dynamic for me. And yet...I am having a very hard time pulling the trigger.

And he's not even someone that I would say is a "great fit" for me. He's got some off the wall interests, things that I can participate in, but it's a bit of a stretch for me. The underground dance club on Friday night, for instance. It is not lost on me that we were roughly double the age of most people there. :) Sure, there were some grown-ups, but for the most part...not so much. I do not relish standing outside in the rain for an hour waiting to get in ANYWHERE. I don't know that I'll ever be interested in dressing up cutesy-Goth for a night at the dance club.

I hate dancing, too. That, I feel like I need to overcome, because the only reason I hate dancing is because Fat Julie Doesn't Like Looking Silly. I am not Fat Julie anymore. I don't look any sillier than anyone else. I dance at home, I enjoy myself. So I am actually trying to break out of my shell in this regard, because this has been a lifelong desire to not draw attention to myself. It's not a genuine dislike of the dance, haha.

Anyway. It just feels like my life is a freaking mess. I am lonely, and depressed. It's funny - you always think, or at least I do, "if I lost all the weight, I'd be happy." It's not true. There's still the lingering issues even after the weight is gone. And the simple fact of the matter is that I do not like being alone. I've got single women friends who are perfectly content being alone. I am not one of them.

One time, and I may have blogged it here because it really struck me, a friend said, "I enjoy my own company." I do not enjoy my own company. I get bored, and restless, and I feel like I should be doing something. I don't accomplish things around the house even when I have ample time and energy. I know I'm still sort of in recovery mode from my surgery, but all I did this weekend was watch TV and read and feel sorry for myself.

Ah, what a whiny post. I am not happy. I'm at one of those times where everything seems like an imposition. Helping my 6-year-old with Valentine's cards tonight, not knowing if my 5th grader needs them or not, blah blah blah. My life stretches long and painfully boring in  front of me. What a downer day!

On a positive note, yesterday I actually bought some more of the vacuum-packed tuna packages and brought them back to work to keep in my desk. They are quick and easy filling food, so hopefully I can stop rattling around the building hungry but not knowing what to eat. Also, I brought my tennis shoes in to leave at work so I can get my lazy ass back onto those stairs. Grr. I think I am also suffering from a complete and utter lack of physical activity these last several months.

Man MELTDOWN!

Holy crap. What a difference a day makes.

So, as I said yesterday, I had a man-packed weekend on the agenda. I spent Wednesday evening with Cappy, Thursday evening I met Navy for a great first date. Last night I spent the evening with Cappy, and was scheduled to spend the day with Navy today (and plans with Cappy tomorrow). It was quite the equitably divided weekend, haha.

Yesterday, Navy called in the late afternoon and I told him I was going out with a friend. Here, yes, I admit I lied - I did not tell him about Cappy. Since Cappy and I are not "dating," per se, at this time, I just figured, eh, I don't owe anyone an explanation. For the record, Cappy does know that I intended to start dating again. While he and I have a wonderful time together, and I do positively adore him - either the time is not right for us or it is not right for us, period. This is due to issues on his end - we have talked openly and a lot about it. It is not really what I want, but I've been clear that while I love to see him as a friend, I want more, and if he is not going to be a boyfriend, then I am going to continue looking.

Okay. So last night I talked to Navy, again, shortly before Cappy picked me up. Everything still seemed fine, although by know my instincts were prickling a bit. I thought maybe Navy was a bit hurt that I was going out, a little strange but oh well. Cappy picks me up, we go to the the (highly stressful) underground dance club, which turned out to be a BLAST (Cappy has never steered me wrong, but as we were waiting to get into this place for almost an hour last night - I'll admit, he was completely trying my patience and I was having a hard time maintaining a positive attitude. But then, of course, it was a blast, as I had known it would be.).

As we're waiting in line, I notice Navy has texted a couple times. Hmm. I tell him my cell phone battery is dying and I'll talk to him to tomorrow. He calls. I let it go to voice mail. He calls again a few minutes later. Again, I let it go to voice mail.

From 9 pm onward, this guy texts me twenty-one times, and calls me five times.

• R U downtown?
• Still want a pic
• Eric Clapton change the world
• Wear r u?
• R u downtown?
• R u downtown?
• Give me a call
• Hey hi
• Hey
• Call me when u r going home
• R u back home
• R u out
• If I were a king
• Honey? 
• Hey u
• Army Navy game
• And then
• Scary
• R u home
• R u there?

The first one was at 9 pm, and the last was at 1:23 am, about the time I walked in the door. At 1:45 am, I texted him,

• Navy, you have freaked me out tonight with all these calls and texts. We just met last night, this is way too much for me. This is not going to work out, please don't call me again.

He replies almost immediately: 

• That's great, sorry

Then a few minutes later:

• That's great

And a half-hour later:

• That's nice

And an hour later, at 3:25am:

• Sorry
• Great, sorry

WTF???? WTF????

It's 9:15 am now, and I don't doubt that I'll hear from him today. I was so freaked out last night, I almost had Cappy come back and stay with me. While we were out at the club, I told him about my date the night before and how this guy was BLOWING UP MY PHONE with freaky-ass texts and calls. At that point, I was freaking out - I was fucking pissed. 

By the time Cappy dropped me off, I was pretty irritated with this whole man-mess I've created. I am totally smitten with Cappy, but this friend thing does not work for me. I wish it did, because I just enjoy the hell out of being with him. Anyway, it was maybe not the time of best judgment, because I was *really* pissed at Navy, and I had had a few drinks over the course of the very long evening. Cappy had not drank at all, so there may have been a difference in clarity between us. :) Nonetheless, when he dropped me off, I gave him a hug and told him to call me if/when he is ever ready to date for real. He was so shocked - I was too, kind of. 

It would have been a sendoff straight out of the movies, but then I got into my dark house alone and my phone was still blowing up and I called Cappy. I wanted to text Navy to tell him to leave me alone, but I wanted someone to know. Navy doesn't know where I live, as far as I know, but he does know my full name, and I did see a few weeks ago that my name and address are listed on one of those stupid white pages sites - I have no idea how this happened. I unregistered - hopefully it's gone by now. But I gave myself a good dose of the willies last night. Poor Cappy and Kim, I forwarded them Navy's information, photo and pictures of the bazillion texts. Cappy was FURIOUS and wanted to call Navy but I told him no. I think that would just make a bad situation worse.

Anyway - so that's how my man-packed weekend blew up, and instead, I plan on laying around reading. :) I am not sure how I'll leave things with Cappy. I think I followed my instincts and it's the best thing to do, but omg, I will miss him hella bad if I don't see him.

Big sigh.

Boy Crazy

It's not as fun as it sounds. :) But I did have a totally great first date with Navy last night. He was super nice, and lots of fun to talk to. We went to dinner at The Rock Wood-Fired Pizza. It's a yummy small chain around here. Kim, one is opening in Hillsboro, OR soon. It's good.

What I liked about Navy: when I walked up to him outside the restaurant, he exclaimed, rather genuinely, it seemed, "Wow, you're adorable!" This is not a bad way to start any evening. :) He went on to say I was even cuter than my pictures, and he liked my pictures. He also complimented my hair, and I even said that I had done a real bait and switch on him with that one, as my hair was long in the picture he first saw, then after we started talking, I got my hair cut. He had seen the same picture I posted here, but still, it was pretty dramatic, haha.

Anyway, very nice guy and I had a great time. He was easy to talk to, and we have a lot of the same interests, and he's just an all-around appealing guy. He asked if he could see me again this weekend, and I happily said yes. Then he texted when I got home, said he had a great time and he was looking forward to seeing me again.

I've been feeling pretty great about the whole thing, but then I have to say we took a bit of a stumble this afternoon. I think the ship has been righted (ooh, that's an appropriate analogy for Navy!). We'll see.

This afternoon, we had been texting back and forth a bit, and then, completely unexpectedly, he says he "has to get to the gym after work or he'll be cranky." And he sends me one of those awful shirtless-man-in-the-bathroom-mirror pictures. Sigh. (Okay - before I start complaining, I'll just say it - he's cute! And, while I hate shirtless man in the bathroom mirror pictures, he's definitely packing some heat under that shirt. Working out, volleyball, etc. It pays off.)

Ugh, but those pictures feel so skeezy to me. And with online dating - you see a whole lot of those pictures. And you get a whole lot of skeezy messages. Getting that from him was so unexpected, it really took the wind out of my sails, unfortunately.

I should toss out here, for the record, that I am NO PRUDE. :) Before the shirtless picture, I even told Kim that part of this guy's appeal is that he's a Scorpio, and I read up on them, and they are universally known as the sex machines of the zodiac. >;) So, no, I am not a prude. Heck, I could have a perfectly perfect platonic relationship with Cappy (I do, actually) and if that were enough for me, then I wouldn't be out there dating again, would I?

But still, what a bummer. Not one single bit of our many texts, phone conversations and now meeting have been skeezy or hookup-y or anything but fun and nice, getting to know a nice guy. We lost a lot of ground with that picture, because now I'm not nearly as excited to see him tomorrow.

However. :) He did ask me out for Saturday, and he did call this afternoon and he was the same very nice, very genuine guy that he has seemed to be from the outset. I think we're going to the Asian Art Museum tomorrow afternoon, that's the plan we're working on, anyway.

Anyway, I'm chalking it up to online-dating-really-sucks-and-being-single-is-hard. For men and women. Everyone steps in it now and then. I'm thinking of it like Animal Kingdom, where the male peacock has to puff out his chest a bit and show off the plumage. :) And hell, if I had a body like that, I'd probably be sending y'all shirtless photos, too, and posting them here on the blog.

Hopefully we'll be back on track tomorrow. And tonight, I'm going out with Cappy, although I'm running a bit skeered on that one, too. We're going to, uggggghhh, one of the hippest places to dance in Seattle. Underground dance music scene. Closes at 4am, reeks of BO, according to the yelp reviews. I am already feeling ancient. WTF am I supposed to wear to something like this?

(Secretly, or not so secretly, I adore Cappy. Just adore him. But we are not right for each other. He needs some offbeat club girl who would jump at the chance to do this tonight. I will always feel uncomfortable at places like this. I am, after all, 42 years old and I don't dance. I need some mainstream boy that will do more than barhop - well, that's not fair, Cappy and I have lots of fun shopping and hitting cool stores and such. But while he is fun, fun, fun it is seeming less and less likely that there's anywhere to go with this other than out for the evening occasionally.)

I am secretly willing him to change his mind - ugh, ugh, ugh. I am not hip. I am not underground dance music. Gosh, I have so much fun with him, and I know if we do this, it will be a blast, but every cell of my body is yelling....ddooooooooonnnnnnnn''''''ttttttttttt gggggggggooooooooo!

You would think it would be fun to have two men to spend the weekend with. Instead, I'm a little, "Hmm, maybe it's not so bad being single. I should take up knitting." :) Tonight, Cappy; tomorrow, Navy; Sunday, plans in the works with Cappy. We'll see what the weekend brings.

Big Milestones! 115 Pounds Lost

Wow, what a fun trip to the scale it was today! I knew I was due for a drop, and felt like it was happening. My body is still changing all the time, even though the weight loss has slowed down (thank you, wine and crispy bread sticks).

OMG. I just typed out "115 pounds lost" in my title line. Astounding. I can't even PICK UP 115 pounds. And now it's gone from me. Yay!

Also, I got to mark off another goal from my list to the right - A BUCK AND A HALF! Me! I weigh less than 150 pounds! So that's goodbye to the...
260s,
250s,
240s,
230s,
220s,
210s,
200s,
190s,
180s,
170s,
160s
and 150s. :)

Great day! I have my two-week post-op appointment this afternoon with my WLS/gallbladder surgeon. I have a date with a new guy tonight, eep! I've been talking to him a couple weeks. Seems very nice, very has-his-act-together. I don't anticipate he'll be offering to rub my feet and feed me chocolate covered strawberries. This man, we'll call Navy, because, well, he was in the Navy. (I was going to say Popeye at first, but then I thought, gosh, what if I really end up liking him, and I've got this Popeye thing going in my mind??) Anyway - very nice guy and as far as my own health and positive track for my life, probably a better match. He plays volleyball and bikes and loves to be on the water. More than anything, I love to be in, on, or around the water, but it just doesn't work out that way very often for me.

We're meeting for dinner and I am greatly looking forward to it. I am still seeing Cappy, we went to dinner last night and had a great time. But we're just buddies at this point. Not sure if that will change, or if I want it to change. I enjoy him so much, but have hit a real frustration point and am losing interest quickly. But as a friend - he is just so fun to be with, it's hard to give up. But I am looking for love, and he is looking for companionship. I love his companionship, DAMN, he is fun - but I know I can find someone who brings both to the equation.

Woohoo! Back to walking on air for finally breaking out of the 150s. EIGHT POUNDS TO GO to my first goal! AMAZING!! This is gonna happen, baby!!

Groundhog Day: I Saw My Own Shadow!

Who is that girl?

Last week, on the way out of my post-op check with the surgeon, it was gloriously sunny. And as I was walking out to the car, I did a double-take on my own shadow. Who dat girl? I think, sometimes, the reality of my changing body is best seen in little moments like this. I remember months after my surgery, I was walking down the sidewalk and someone opened a glass door as I walked by. I caught a sudden look at my reflection, and it was such a strange sensation. Seeing me, but not seeing what I expected.

Anyway, that was the kind of funny moment I had when I saw my shadow on Groundhog Day. A happy little double-take! I've still got a little ways to go, as you can see. But, wow, what a difference.

I am stuck at 151. This is because I eat crunchy bread and drink to excess. Well, no drinking since my surgery, but I have definitely been drinking more often than I ever have. (Not in a "oh, she's drinking to excess" way, although I did, of course, just say that I am drinking to excess. I am drinking too much to be able to reasonably expect to lose weight.) And so, while I get myself back on track, the scale has refused to budge one little bit. It's great, actually, to be back to work, because I eat much less when I'm at work! As much as I would love to be a wealthy lady of luxury, I think if I were, I'd actually just lay around and watch TV and eat. :)

My near-eleven-year-old son actually did me an inadvertent favor RE: crunchy bread. Last weekend was my daughter's slumber party, and we went to a specialty bakery to get a cake. While there, I bought a POUND of bagel chips (okay - it was $4/pound, and it turns out a pound is about a grocery bag full, haha). And a pound of skinny bread sticks. Apparently, I lost my ever-lovin' mind while at the bakery. I told myself the girls would eat it for snack food, but really?? They wanted cheetos, not pepper bread sticks. They did eat a lot of the bagel chips. I ate the rest.

Leaving me with the pepper bread sticks. Yum. I have been eating waaaaaaay too many of them, always at night before I go to bed. Seriously, I should get some counseling for this nighttime eating. Well, my son is currently grounded within an inch of his life (and yes, he did call my ex to report what a horrifically bad mother I am) for egregious and unacceptable behavior. And last night when I went to munch on my bread sticks, I saw that he had retaliated by PULVERIZING my bread sticks! I actually found this pretty hilarious in a I'm-gonna-beat-that-boy way. Besides my bread sticks, he also disconnected the TV cable box in my bedroom. I guess if he doesn't get TV, then neither do I, haha.

I have dating updates to share, but I will come back to that later, gator.

Bloggy Buddies

Hey - I met my first bloggy buddy, and one of my earliest and bestest blog friends: Jen at Runner...Maybe? Jen and I are actually pretty darn close to neighbors, living just 10-15 minutes apart. Jen was super-kind enough to pass on a couple of nice coats that she had shrunken out of, and my daughter will make good use of them, I think. Thanks Jen!

I assured Jen when we met that I would not leave without a picture. :)

Besides being just the cutest thing ever, Jen also has the cutest daughter ever (I didn't meet her, I just love the personality and zest in all her pics).

After meeting up and chatting with Jen easily and happily, I told her I wished that dating could be so easy. :) I had a blah-to-odd date last week with a man that I initially thought I'd go out with one more time to see if it improved. Then he sent me a couple odd-ball texts, which I will quote here for your amusement:

(immediately after date)
"Thanks for the fun date, you sexy beast, lol! I'm going wild, buying peanut butter blended with cinnamon and raisins!" (we had eaten at a restaurant right next to a grocery store)

(next day)
"Well, I'd love to go out with you again, you're the short smart sexy girl next door with an unfiltered wit and firmly tied tubes - all good things! As opposed to a firmly tied wit and unfiltered tubes...we can cuddle on the sofa and watch one of your "gritty" TV shows...and eat fresh strawberries dipped in melted dark chocolate!"

Erg. Did I mention we had only gone out once, for dinner for an hour? Anyway, how did I end up telling this guy I had my tubes tied? Not something I would normally share, except, oh, with the Internet, of course. But his odd little texts were like him...very nice, a little odd, a little too *something* for me to be interested.

But chatting with Jen was loads of fun and none of the "eek, this is a little strange" that I had on the date a few days earlier. Am very much looking forward to seeing her again! Maybe we'll cuddle on the sofa and eat chocolate-covered strawberries!

Kidding!! Thanks again, Jen, you are awesome!

Oh! I should say that Jen is one of my earliest blog friends because Kim at 23imaginaryfriends demanded it be so. :) Kim was an early reader of Jen's blog and just adored her, so she commanded suggested that I start reading it, as well. Jen has had an incredible journey of fabulous weight loss success through a feigned forced cultivated love of running. And, as usual, Kim was right, I loved Jen's blog and always enjoy her insight and adventures, although I have not yet been moved to run, myself. :)