An Homage to 'Once Upon a Time...in the Land of Cheese and Sunkist'

Ever since I posted my swimsuit pictures this month, I have really been thinking about a particular blog and how much it has meant to me. Amy's blog over at Once Upon a Time...in the Land of Cheese and Sunkist was one of the very first weight loss surgery blogs I discovered when I was thinking about surgery for myself.

Man, I devoured every word of her (extensive) blog! Here was a woman who had been incredibly successful with WLS (in this case, the lap-band instead of my own gastric sleeve). She had started blogging early, and had kept it up regularly throughout her whole journey. And she is funnier than hell!

Amy had the guts to post her swimsuit pictures, and to talk candidly about all the trials and tribulations of her process. And best yet, lots and lots of pictures! As I was starting my own journey, pictures really did tell the story - it is amazing to watch someone's body changing as the numbers on the scale start to come down.

When I started my own blog, I knew I wanted it to be a lot like Amy's. Lots of pictures, lots of truths - shared with humor and humility. I wanted my blog to be an honest depiction of my experience - it would not all be easy, it wouldn't be the magic wand I was secretly seeking, but it would be real and it would be me.

I have shared pictures and bits from Amy's blogs with friends I don't know how many times! She reminds me a lot of myself - happy at her highest weight, happy at her lowest. Fun and funny and full of life. I'm writing this today because, ugh, seeing those swimsuit photos of me come up on my own page makes my skin crawl. :) But I think about the people out there who are starting the same journey I did, who feel both hopeless about their situation and so hopeful about the future. Who want to know what it's *really* like to have WLS and experience this incredible rebirth and rediscovery of all that life has to offer.

Thank you, Amy! You're the best! To all bloggers, I would say, there are people reading, and your tales and photos and anecdotes are impacting a lot of people in many positive ways. Keep it up! I'm reading!

Fun Giveaway - Shutterfly Holiday Cards

Check out the very cool giveaway over at Kim's blog for 25 free holiday cards from Shutterfly! I fully intend to win one of these three sets of cards, but I invite you to try for one of the other two freebie packs. :)

Sick!

I haven't been feeling very bloggy, because I've been sick this week with a stupid cold. I'm all hopped up on Dayquil and Sudafed. I have been reading news forecasts that this winter is going to be very snowy, so I am dragging my germ-riddled body to work, trying to save my paid time off. If you have ever tried to balance a career with unexpected school and daycare closures due to snow - well, it ain't always easy. Last winter I took a ton of unpaid leave to stay home with the kiddos when schools were closed.

Life is good - I am hovering at 167 pounds (!!!) and I am feeling fly! There's a song with the line, "I'm sexy and I know it," it's on the radio all the time right now and it is my theme song. ;) I am feeling really good!

You know, except for my head being filled with phlegm.

Quick - Think of Something!

It has been too long since I've blogged, and I've got to write SOMETHING in order to get those swimsuit pictures off my front page! Ack! Every time I pull up the blog, I think, 'Oh crap, I've got to do something about these pics.' I was going to take them down, but decided not to.

I have been HUNGRY the last several days. Oh my. It's amazing how much more vigilant you have to be about eating as that sleeve-capacity really does change. The surgeon said it's in part due to swelling, etc. and in part due to you learning how to eat with the sleeve, e.g. chewing better, etc.

Either way, I still can't eat a lot, but I have been surprised at the amount of food I packed away this weekend. Fall is such a rough time of the year for me. I truly think I'm meant to be hibernating. The big slider food this weekend was microwave popcorn. I simply ate too much, I think. Plus I've got my period, which seems to make me more inclined to eat, as well.

Nine Month Post-Op: Swimsuit Photos! 96 pounds lost!

Wow, nine months have passed already! Sometimes it seems like I just had the VSG surgery yesterday. Other times, it seems like I've been living this way for-EVAH!

Fun story with those jeans. They are a Levi's Misses size 12. The last time I tried to put them on...uh, it wasn't happening. That actually wasn't too long ago! I grabbed them to wear for my volunteer shift this weekend, and wow, they are almost too big! You see they are pretty baggy in the legs, also in the butt and waist. Mama feels day-um sexy in them, though! And today I am getting lots of compliments - I think it is a combination of just looking good and then *feeling* good, too, because on a day that I am getting compliments, I am generally getting LOTS of compliments. Attitude is everything, haha.

Also, I was talking with a new contractor of ours today. It's a bad news/good news sort of thing, because this will be a long relationship we're entering into. He and I were chatting, and he was TOTALLY talking to my ta-tas the whole time. Eyes on me, then eyes drifting downnnnnn...then eyes on me...then down...

Okay, this kind of thing annoys the crap out of me, but also, WELCOME BACK, HOTTIE! Hahaha. I was a little vexed, thinking, oh jeez, this is the first day of a three-year contract - oy, it's gonna be a long one. But also, "yeah, I'm hot, I know it!" ;)

Let's see, on each monthly anniversary I try to impart some post-op wisdom or lessons learned, or challenges I am still facing...

• Nighttime eating continues to plague me. It doesn't take much to make me feel overly full, but I can't seem to go to bed without feeling overly full!
• I am still drinking while I eat. I still do not think I care. It doesn't seem to make me eat *more* or *more often*, so I will not stress too much. I'm not drinking A LOT - I am just letting myself sip normally with food.
• Exercise. Oy. I am just so not into it. I am taking my iron, though, and I had the IV supplement last week, so I am hoping I continue to perk up.
• I did go to WLS support group last week, also. I was glad I went. But I also do not feel like I need to go regularly. I'll continue to go when it fits into my schedule.
• New people that I meet do not know I was ever fat. This is weird. Someday I'll expound on that, maybe. Basically, I've got people I've always known who love me whatever size I am; people I've always known that are seemingly ASTOUNDED that I was hiding an attractive woman under all that fat; and new people I'm meeting who have no idea that I've lost weight and thus I am just "normal." It's interesting.
• My weight loss and changes in eating have seemed to have zero effect on my overweight daughter. It is heartbreaking. She is not quite 5'0" and 215 pounds, at 12-1/2 years old. The nutritionist at WLS support group asked me about it, and I'll admit, it kills me. It is extremely difficult to think or talk about.  As the pediatrician and her counselor (who specializes in eating disorders) said, the psychologist leading our support group also said, "this is her issue to face when she is ready. You provide the unconditional love and support, and don't put body image issues where there are none now. When she is ready to face it, she will face it." Still, that sucks. And for all the people who muse, "Should parents of fat kids (fill in the blank) - lose custody of their kids, be fined, be publicly flogged," etc. F*** you. If a kid is going to eat, they are going to eat. You may think you have all the answers - you do not. Before I had kids, I tended to be rather judgey about parenting issues. With my diverse menagerie of children and childhood issues, I have pretty much learned to keep my goddamn mouth shut. Parenting is hard.
• /rant :) Sorry - it's a real sore spot for me. Try feeling like such a major success with your own weight loss and watching your baby's weight continually climb. A good way to make yourself feel like crap on a daily basis.
• Back to the good stuff - the dairy- and gluten- free diet will be very good for my little household, I agree! Thank you for the nice comments, and thank you Taylor, for your offer of help navigating our new eating! I will take you up on that! It's a difficult diet to implement, but it's hard to feel anything but positive about the potential benefits - both for my youngest and for the rest of the family. My intended emphasis is to avoid processed- and substitute- foods. Mainly because they are so flippin' expensive. I really need to read up on the macrobiotic eating - this sounds like the direction we're heading! Whole foods, unprocessed foods. I am full of both dread and optimism. :)
• Swimsuit photos. Well, it's been nine months, so it's a good time to post swimsuit photos. I haven't taken them in months and months! It would be better if I had a new swimsuit, as this is the original one and it is really hanging off me. I could never wear it for swimming! Wow, it is so exciting to see the differences! Amazing. I had such high hopes the night before the surgery (when the originals were taken), but I don't think I dared dream of this wonderful journey.  As you can see, I still have a ways to go, but I'm well on my way!

1/10/11

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Rainy Sunday

I am doing the domestic violence volunteer gig today, from 11-7, or in police-speak, 1100-1900. It is *POURING* down rain! I am not pleased, but really, people probably tend to have worse days on ugly, rainy days than on gorgeous sunny days...so maybe I'll be more helpful today. As per usual, I have waited until the last minute to think of any food to bring with me to the station...I almost always bring the police a treat, but it almost always makes me almost late to my shift, haha. EVERY TIME, I think, "I'm going to make them something!" Uhh, I never have. Yesterday, I thought I would make them snickerdoodles, when my mom mentioned a yummy snickerdoodle recipe at simplyrecipes.com. But my parents were here ALL DAY yesterday, and we all went to my son's football game, and, and, and. It wasn't meant to be. :) A more diligent chef would have stayed up late and made the cookies, but I am not a more diligent chef.

Down another pound - I am closing in on the 100 pound mark. Astounding. It feels wonderful, and also pretty crappy that I had allowed myself to get where I needed to lose over 100 pounds. :(

I have been taking those iron supplements consistently, and I gotta tell ya - it's making me as constipated as hell. No fun!

A couple weeks ago, we had food allergy testing done on my little wildcat (six-year-old son). The results came back super allergic to all dairy and super allergic to all wheat. Sigh. Okay - actually my ex had the testing done, as a prelude to trying any ADHD meds on him. I am more skeptical about this sort of thing, in part because my ex has dug in so hard on it, and we've gotten into a push/pull dynamic here. Anyway, we are planning a dairy- and wheat-free diet for him. For all of us. Oy. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD THAT IS?? There is actually a lot of info about it, and I know for many parents of autistic kids, they swear by a GFCF diet (gluten free/casein free). My son is not autistic, but he is off-the-charts ADHD. I had bought a book, The ADHD and Autism Cookbook, some time ago, as this is something my ex and I have discussed for awhile. We've both wondered if this diet would help my son. It's only been my reluctance to jump into it that has held me back. So much work.

Anyway, we're on! I'll probably blather about it endlessly here for awhile, but I haven't started formulating a plan yet. It kind of stinks that I had such a great day with my parents yesterday and have the full volunteer shift today, because ready or not, the kids will be home tomorrow and I have to figure out a plan for the week.

Have a great day!

Ninety-Five, Baby!

Hmm, slim pickings on cute '95' clip-art.

O.M.G. - I am very close to losing 100 pounds! Ha - let's sidebar here and discuss my failure to "be present," as I've discussed in previous blogs. Ninety-five freaking pounds - that's incredible! But of course my first thought is "almost to 100!" Woman, enjoy where you are at!! You may remember my enneagram personality type that I was reading up on (but got distracted away from) said that my type struggles to be happy, because when they are experiencing something that should make them happy - they are already busy thinking about the next thing that can make them happy! Oh boy, is that ever me to a 'T'.

Anyway! Back to the triumph at hand: 95 pounds lost! I think that I need to have some days that I just let myself eat more. I've actually wondered if I maybe don't eat enough, and if that affects my weight loss, too. Because let me tell you, yesterday I ate like they were going to stop making food any moment - and today I was rewarded with more than a pound lost. 

Yesterday's eating (HAHA, I post for my amusement on what was "gorging" pre-op versus now.)

• Earl gray tea, lots of it, mixed intermittently throughout the day with whole milk, skim milk and half and half.
• A 2 oz bag of BBQ potato chips from Jimmy John's.
• An "unwrap" turkey sandwich with cheese (no bread, in other words)
• 1/2 of a mini chocolate frosted donut, because it was still warm from the Pike Place Market, and how could I refuse?
• 2 chocolate Chukar cherries
• 3 ounces low-fat frozen yogurt with chopped strawberries
• 5 ounces of red wine
• 1 cup frosted mini wheats, dry

A new 'froyo' frozen yogurt place just opened in the building next door, and you can expect that I'll be eating there often. Remember that Seinfeld episode with the supposedly non-fat froyo? Hopefully this won't be me!

Seinfeld Non-Fat Yogurt Clip

Grr - the first video I tried to embed wasn't the right one. Maybe this will work.

Iron Update and Ugh, That Hair!

Looking at my pictures from yesterday, I can only say...ugh, that hair!! I know I have lost 50% of the thickness. No lie. And all my life my hair has been stick-straight, and now it's just downright curly! I think that's an aging thing, though, not a weight loss thing. Curly is fine - it's just so odd, since it just keeps getting curlier and curlier.

I went looking on shutterfly.com for a picture of my hair back when I had my first kiddo - but all I can find is me, blonde, when second kiddo was coming up on a year old. Wow, have I ever changed!

August 2002

Anyway - I am having another iron IV infusion tomorrow afternoon, and I am excited! Plus, I have successfully taken the iron supplement at bedtime for four or five days now. I am taking it with food, and it is only making me moderately ill. Blech. The IV supplement is much faster, though!

The hematologist did some blood work last week on my liver, kidneys and thyroid and all was well, so he thinks another 1-2 IV infusions ought to get me where I need to be. 

Darn the luck, I had to reschedule tomorrow's massage appointment to this afternoon to accommodate the IV infusion. Self-care is torture! ;)

Chubby Bunny! Not Obese!

Goodbye to the 260s, 250s, 240s, 230s, 220s, 210s, 200s, 190s, 180s, 170s, 160s...

Woooo-freaking-hooooo!! Hells no, I'm not "OBESE" anymore, I am merely "OVERWEIGHT!" Who would have thought a one pound loss this morning would have me feeling so good? I would have, that's who! Besides onederland and goal, getting out of that godforsaken "obese" category is my biggest milestone. Heck, maybe bigger than both of those! Onederland was such a mental mindset, the pain and shame of weighing over 200 pounds at only 5'3"...goal is such an elusive place, since you know DARN WELL that I will be rocking it when I am approaching, but not yet meeting, goal.

Heck, it doesn't matter! Overweight! What a wonderful feeling! Bounce, bounce, bounce!!

What an amazing journey - I am so pleased. As I am adjusting to my new body, I am turning an (unfairly) critical eye on myself more and more often. Look at this saggy, baggy skin, look how much weight I still have to lose, etc.

This whole blog has been a celebration of my progress, but it's also been a forum for agonizing over the imperfections. Today is all about how incredibly far I've come in my health in such a very short time. YAY ME!!

There is a Judy Blume book - oh, I cannot think of which one it was...there was a very buxom girl in it with a nickname...can't remember that, either. But looking at these pictures made me think of that book. ;)

And yes, I am wearing yoga pants and a t-shirt to work. Sabrina, my invisible fight club friend (@Amy!) made me put on her earrings before she'd take a picture, haha.

Clearly This Isn't Working

Time to play catch-up on the ole blog! I shouldn't let so long go between entries - the week just got away from me.

Regarding my license plate, "IM HIGH," it's my last name. :) I got it in celebration of reclaiming my maiden name when I got divorced. The guy at the DOL said he would accept my application, but that I would never see the permanent plates out of Olympia. So imagine how shocked I was when they showed up! For awhile, I was pretty nervous - afraid it would result in me being pulled over a lot, when I am already a uhhhh, questionable driver at times. (I have lost 93 pounds now, but not one single pound of it came from my lead foot, haha.) I am happy to report this is not the case.

I have had several cops pull up beside me laughing their heads off. This is always a bit disconcerting, because when a police car pulls up right beside you...well, at least if you're me, you're not generally thinking they want to share a laugh with you! I'll admit, I love parking in the police parking lot when I do my volunteer shifts with them.

There is one drawback of the plates, though. I suspect they will one day get me rear-ended. Many's the time that I've been driving along, minding my own beeswax, when I notice a car ON MY BUTT for no reason. Invariably, they either have a passenger taking a pic (good) or (bad) they are taking a picture themselves while driving.

And, oh the kids! Wow, do I ever get a lot of teenagers honking and laughing when they pass. Uhh, I am probably a bad role model. That's okay, I am just having fun. I cannot wait until the day my cute license plate is on my super-cute little red convertible or other fun car. For now, it stays put on my little econo-sedan.

Oh! I felt skinny this weekend. Why? It was freezing cold and raining when I went to my son's football game. I shouldn't have felt skinny - I was wearing leggings with jeans over them, and a spandex cami and two long sleeve shirts with a coat over it.

That's actually *why* I felt skinny. Never in a bazillion years would I have been willing/able to dress in so many layers a year ago. Nuh-uh. I would have felt like the Michelin tire man. Yay me!

There was a downside to that day, too, besides my son's team getting yet another shellacking on the field. I had rinsed my hair, but not washed it. It was not looking good. I stuck it in a ponytail, but it was truly a bad hair day. And my poor hair has lots of bad days now - it has just thinned so darn much. Anyway, not a good hair day.

Before I say this, I need to say that I love that blunt little ten-year-old of mine to death. Almost literally, sometimes. I could. just. wring. his. neck. But I love him. He seems to have appointed himself my handler, especially since the surgery. "Should you be eating that?" "I thought the weight loss would be faster," etc. Happily, he has also thrown in such concerns as, "How will you stop losing weight when it's time?" and "You won't let yourself get too skinny, right?"

Anyway. Those are nice concerns - but the one he carelessly voiced after the football game nearly got him tossed outta da car. "What's going on with your hair?" he said. "I could see your scalp from the field. Just lots of white scalp. Isn't that kind of embarrassing?"

Pardon me while I remind myself how much I love the little bugger, and he didn't ask with one ounce of meanness. Concern. A gentle nudge to bring my A-game to his games, haha. This from the same son who suggests we start going to church, "so maybe you can meet some people."

Yes, it was a terrible hair day. It was raining and my hair had gotten off to a bad start, anyway. I had mowed the lawn at 9:00 am and then ran out of time. I hope, hope, hope it starts growing back soon, and stops thinning. This weekend I swept the floor in front of my mirror in the bedroom, where I usually blow dry. My (naturally) cherry-red brown hair blends pretty well with the hardwood floors. Uhh, there sure was a damn pile of it there. I am forever cleaning the wheel of the vacuum cleaner, too. Ugh.

It's worth it, it's worth it, it's worth it. But it sure is disconcerting.

Iron. (Wow, I am cramming like five blogs into one entry today!) I went to the hematologist on Friday. I will have another iron IV infusion this week. Can I get a YAY??? The hematologist confirmed my suspicions. In February, my ferritin was 76. In August, it was 40. We are trying to get it above 50: when I first saw him last October or November, it was 0. That, he attributed to my extremely frequent blood donations (every 56 days on the nose) and my long run of menses from putting in, then taking out the Mirena IUD.

Now, he says I could just be absorbing less iron because of the surgery. I do not see how this is possible, since pre-op I rarely ate meat, and post-op, it's practically all I eat. Oy!! Anyway, I have not been taking my prescription iron supplements, since they are prone to give me a hella bad stomachache. Since the appointment, however, I have had good success taking them at bedtime with some food. This morning, I also took my vitamin D and calcium. I have officially qualified for rock star status in my book!

I have two doctors: my hematologist and my general practitioner. I cannot beg, borrow, or steal prescription vitamin D out of them, even though my number is at the very bottom of the scale (30). This vexes me, but it also concerns me for all the peeps that are on high dose prescriptions - of which I have three good friends taking it. Both my doctors are convinced this will cause later bone density problems in women. I'm told to take 2000 IUI 5x/week, no more. Grrr. I told my hematologist I would like *JUST ONCE* to know what it feels like to be mid-range in vitamin D and iron!

Anyway - the hematologist thinks the extreme cold I've been feeling, as well as my lethargy, will be remedied by jacking up my ferritin levels again. I think he's right! There's definitely a peak to how I felt in February-ish versus how I feel now. It's like I have the desire to work out, to keep working on my body, but absolutely no energy to do it. He alluded to an invisible line in my iron levels where I feel great, versus where I feel exhausted. He wants to keep me above the line, and I am all for it! Thankfully, you feel pretty good pretty quickly after those IVs, within a week or so I noticed a difference, I think. Will this be for the rest of my life, do you think??? Not sure. He encouraged me to keep experimenting with taking the oral supplements successfully. People generally don't have problems with the prescription supplements (except for the bazillion dollar price that is not covered by insurance, ugh).

Oh - back to the title of this entry. Without exercise, my weight loss is DOA. I hit 170 pounds this weekend, a new low, but only a pound in almost a month. And it bounced back up to 171/172-ish again, where I have been hanging out FOREVER. I need to exercise to kick this back into gear, or at least feel like any failure to lose is because I'm gaining muscle mass, haha. Point being, if I was working out, I would not feel as stressed as I do about the lack of loss. I don't want to stop here - I've got a lot more to lose and I want it gone!

Edited to add: I had some more good experiences this weekend. I took the kids to a arts/crafts/street festival nearby. My ex's brother and his wife had a stand there (they do concrete kitchen counters, etc type of stuff). I haven't seen that side of the family since the divorce, except my ex-FIL. Anyway, yesterday, we saw a bunch of that side of the family. It was nice to see them again, for one - I adored my SIL, who came into the family just as I was leaving. Ironically, BIL and my ex have gotten a lot closer since the divorce, which I had always pushed for *before* the divorce. (I should do the same with my own sister and her husband, sigh.) Anyway, everyone was really complimentary about my weight loss, which was a nice feel-good boost for me, especially since the weight loss has slowed so much. Also, that evening, we ran into another uncle on that side of the family at Target - he didn't even recognize me when he walked by! (Laugh - or the kids, even though he had cracked up at Reid saying that "daddy bought that kind of peanut butter and it makes me wanna barf!") Anyway, I flagged him down and we caught up a little bit and he said that I was looking really great. It was nice.

Edited to add more: OMG how many times did I say "nice" in the paragraph, above, talking about seeing my ex's family?? Divorce is odd - even a couple years later, there's strained feelings and awkwardness around it all. We did not end badly, but we are definitely divorced. He and his family are good people. It was nice to see them. :)