Freakout Weight - Revisited

Boo. Stupid winter. Stupid foggy Seattle weather. Stupid hibernation eating. Remember back here in July, when I established the original freakout weight? And then again back in October, when I revisited the new lower freakout weight, just to make sure it still freaked me out?

Hullo, freakout weight. I was hoping not to see you again. I didn't want to step on the scale this morning, but I knew I had to do it, or it would just continue to get worse. Today's weight was 146.2. Oops. Up a full ten pounds from my lowest weight. Well, I can't really claim 136 pounds as  my lowest, because honestly, the scale just touched it one day. My body likes to weigh 137-140. I would like my body to weigh 129-135, but apparently this is not happening.

Okay - so what's been going wrong?

• I am barely exercising.
• I am eating too much.
• I have discovered Clif bars, after a lifetime of hating all bars and successfully avoiding them. Thank you, Mr. Wonderful, for filling my stocking with them, haha.
• I have been so doped up on pain killers and muscle relaxants for the last couple weeks due to my aching jaw (hmm - can I blame the snow tubing accident on Mr. W, too? Could he possibly be a VILLAIN in this story??). Do narcotics make me feel hungry? Or just not give a damn?
• It is winter, and I hate winter, and I am depressed and so over the foggy gray Seattle skies.

Oh look, I'm not immune to science! If I overeat and don't exercise, I will gain weight. Boo!!

I did go on a short bike ride with Mr. Wonderful on Saturday. I begged off the long hilly ride on Sunday because I had my kids, and 2/3 of them have been very, very ill for the last week. It seemed mean to leave them on their own for the afternoon. Lonely, sick kids. But Mr. W and I did go for a quick hilly ride: he got to see my ugly side, because I DID NOT WANNA GO ON THAT BIKE RIDE. He finally lured me into it when I said I needed to get to the library to pick up a book that was waiting for me. He pointed out the library was only a couple miles away and would make a nice bike ride. Argh. We spun it into a longer loop and rode up a badass monster hill I've been wanting to do. So even though it was only an eight mile ride I was pleased with myself. (Also, I remember posting late last summer when I started riding that I rode TWELVE MILES! WOW! Now anything less than twenty is a fun little fake bike ride, not a workout, haha. Amazing how times change.*)

*Although, as I said, I'm barely cycling at all right now, so those fun little fake bike rides would probably push me out of the freakout zone if I did a couple, haha. Slacker.

Okay - so what's the solution?

• I'm going to call today about re-activating our YMCA membership. I turned it off in conjunction with my plastic surgery.
• I told my daughter I'd look into buying a treadmill on craigslist. She has/had been doing so well at running in the neighborhood, but it is cold and yucky out. I don't like her out there in the dark when she gets home from school.
• Back on my stupid liquid diet for a few days. Stupid protein shakes. 
• Clif bars are treats to eat on long bike rides only. Period. I'm moving my stash out to the garage with the rest of my biking stuff. Not in my dresser drawer to hide from the kids and make a delightful bedtime snack.
• I am going on my group's regular Wednesday night ride and Sunday's hilly bike ride if it kills me. It may kill me. I have missed so many Wednesday rides I am really not even part of the group anymore! Last Wednesday I skipped to go out with two out of town friends. Drinking many beers and eating much food. It was counter-productive to the goals of the bike ride.
• Might I even start climbing the stairs again at work? Perhaps?? I should talk to Barb about going for The Big Climb like we had wanted to do last year. Oops, no, it's sold out. Bah.

I really screwed the pooch on my winter training. My problem was that I forgot to factor in my utter depression and lethargy during the winter months. I knew it was coming: that's why I made the goal to force myself outside even in crap weather. Where I fell short was getting a solid plan in place before the doldrums took over. Now biking seems too hard, running seems too hard, etc. etc. etc.

Wow, did Mr. Wonderful *ever* get a dose of my whinyness this weekend. After last Sunday's ride, which was 37+ hilly miles, I said I was done with winter riding. Even though I totally love it and had a blast! Once I'm out there. But it was wet and miserable and cold and I was always switching gloves and adding and removing layers, and freezing to death on the flats and burning to death on the hills, and and and. He tried to lure me out for at least part of this Sunday's ride: it was three adjacent loops that would have been easy to do one, two, or all of them. But nope, I would have nothing to do with it. Call me when you're done. Period.

Oh, that guy. I should tell you, I'm totally falling for him. He is still a complete geek: I was changing the light bulb's in Reid's room and replacing the old-fashioned glass cover. It had an extra washer that made it difficult to screw the base back on. "Should you just disable the washer?" he asked. I stopped, looked at him and said, "Do you mean, 'throw that f*'er away?" Yes, he laughed. See, he always laughs. I am really too much woman for him but he hasn't figured that out yet, so I am just rolling with it. I am really crass and vulgar and pretty obnoxious. He's, um, not. I know I heard him swear once. I think he was quoting someone.

I could make you a list of 1000 nice things he's done for me since we started dating. But you wouldn't believe me if I told you. Or you'd think I'm being really, really spoiled. :) I'll write more about him sometime soon.