Slogging Through Winter

Winter can't end soon enough for me. It seems like it's been foggy every day for a year in Seattle. This probably isn't true. Tonight, it's super windy: heads up - wind is my favorite winter weather. I love windstorms, as long as I'm not the one who has to clean up after them. And it is garbage night, so when I pulled the cans out to the street, I made a quick wish that they don't blow over.

Why am *I* pulling the cans out to the street, you ask? When I have three able-bodied children? Hmm. I wondered the same thing. My now 14yo daughter is actually pretty darn helpful around the house. Garbage duty is loosely owned by my 11yo son, but he is afraid of the dark. Zombies, specifically. So after his lacrosse practice, I nearly made him come back outside to haul the cans to the street, but I'd have to stand out there to protect him anyway...well, I just went ahead and did it.

I saw a new doctor today - I'm in search of a primary doc as mine retired last fall. He was my GP from the time I was 12 or 14, so you can't say I'm not loyal! This woman seemed very nice. I sought her out in search of help for my aching jaw and teeth. It's been a month since my snow tubing calamity and I am still in so much pain. It's amazing how chronic pain affects your mood! Grr - I have been foul this last month. Anyway, she's trying me on another med, a nerve medication this time, to see if it helps calm the nerves in my teeth and jaw. I'm trying it tonight: I guess it makes you pretty sleepy. Here's hoping! She also referred me to an ENT (ear/nose/throat) doctor for follow-up care. 

Amazing to me how close we came to not even snow tubing that day. Grr. We had already snowshoed all afternoon. The place was closing in two hours. We had dinner plans. But it was cheap and looked like fun. We almost didn't do it. Imagine how much pain, time and expense I would have been spared, sheesh.*

*unless by going snow tubing I was averting some other more serious calamity, haha. With me, you just never know. I'm the type that would step out in front of a bus while busily texting away. :)

Okay - I'm fattening up again. Yikes. Seriously over winter. Today at the doctor's I weighed in at 148. Holy isht. Yes, I was wearing jeans and I had a very full belly (uh, there's part of the problem - I seem to always have a full belly these days) and a very full bladder. But still. Put the fork down, fatty! This is not all cycling muscle weight, since I'm cycling, oh, once a week at best these days. Argh!

Serious winter depression. Talk about the WORST TIME EVER to have a new boyfriend. I am just no fun in winter. I did go get my blood work done and my ferritin was in the crapper again and I'm having an iron IV on Thursday. But they said my vitamin D level was fine (40), so no prescription vitamin D for me. Boo. 

No bike ride tomorrow night. Mr. W and I are celebrating Valentine's Day early. My X's mom was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and she is having surgery on Thursday and X wants to be at the hospital, of course. So I'm keeping the kiddos an extra night and Mr. W and I going out tomorrow. I had planned to go buy a pretty dress tonight, but a busy evening schedule with the kids the last couple nights made that plan go bust! I talked to X's mom today - they caught the cancer very early and are super-optimistic about her outcome. She's a strong woman - my money is on her being just fine. Still, it's very nervewracking, for her and everyone who cares about her (myself included).

Oy, Mr. W. I am crazy about him while at the same time he is driving me crazy. Truly - he's about the best thing you could ever ask in a boyfriend. He is just so freaking head over heels for me...what a ridiculous complaint, I know. It's probably the pain and the pain meds screwing with my head, and for that reason I have committed to just continuing along happily with him for now. Plus, I'm trying to get whatever life lesson I'm supposed to get out of this! He is *exactly* as moony-crazy-in-love over me as I was over Greg. I remember Greg saying things like:

- I think it's great that you want to spend all your free time with me, but...

- I think it's great that you want to do whatever I want to do, but...

You get the idea. I'm trying to figure out what Greg could have said or done to get me to MELLOW THE F OUT. The nice thing about Mr. W is that he is super easy to talk to. He's just so damn gung ho. Oh, I don't know.

But he's fun. :) On Sunday, he rang the doorbell and I came down the stairs to see him through the front door window. He was down on one bent knee (tying his shoe). I opened up the door with, "You have GOT to be kidding me!! I told you this is TOO SOON!" He was so shocked, then he got it and we were both cracking up.

But seriously. If I told him tomorrow I was ready to be engaged, I'd be wearing a ring by the end of the week. Sabrina says he's already bought it, haha. She also makes a mean face at me if I even so much as allude to breaking up with him. And she reminds me what Kim said, that "you know you're the problem, not him." Ahhhhh, friends. What in the world would you do without them? I feel a bit as if I'm in an arranged marriage, though, haha.

It's too much for me right now. Winter and this CONSTANT PAIN are wearing me down! No life changes allowed during this time. If I told you all the wonderful things Mr. W says and does for me - you'd think me insane for being stressed by them. Really insane. That man has outlayed unthinkable amounts of time and money on me since we started dating - you wouldn't believe.

Anyways. I am crazy about him - truly - but I'm just not at the same speed or intensity. He tries to back off for my sake, but then it's just like a car revving its engine next to you at a red light. Not really backed off, just ...holding. Barely.

Example: We saw each other Saturday evening (briefly - I was very sick w/ flu this weekend), all day Sunday, and dinner with the kids last night. He texted me today, "I miss you!" I haven't had time to breath, let alone miss him or anyone else. We spoke on the phone tonight and he said he thought about me all day. See, I think about him, too. But I think he thinks "I can't wait to swallow her whole in one giant all consuming love bite." Or something like that.

One giant love bite. (Thanks for sending this, Kim!)

But, I remember when I was seeing Greg. If I hadn't heard from him by the afternoon, I would have been in conniptions. The couple evenings we didn't speak, wow, those were long lonely nights. 

What to do, what to do. I know it's the pain. And winter. And the pain meds. I am not myself.

So...on the exercise front...I have not reactivated my Y membership yet. I did talk to the woman today, finally. I emailed her three times before I finally called and got her today. See, before, I was getting a small amount of financial aid that I found very helpful. I would like to have that re-instated, thus the waiting patiently to talk to her part. She sent me the appropriate forms to complete. I make too much to warrant a genuine financial hardship, but I'll probably get some token $20 off a month or so, which is big money for my squeaky budget!

No ride tomorrow, no ride this weekend. I've got an extra 6yo boy this weekend, as I'm watching my friend's son. He is totally taking advantage of me, in that these sleepovers are never reciprocated, but he is also a single dad and has 100% custody of Reid's buddy and I feel for him. I try to help him out when I can, because although single parenting is hard - I get lots and lots of free time. He does not. He's our old next door neighbor from the condo and I like them both a lot. He has a girlfriend (they met at their high school reunion!) and she has a daughter who is about 5. All together, that's a very nice blended family combo...boy/girl, close in ages, each only having one kid. 

I digress. No bike ride this weekend. Next weekend is Chilly Hilly, an annual organized ride that's about 40 miles and whatever hilly elevation gain. We are doing that at least, so I will be back on the bike sometime this month. (weak, self-pitying laugh. Cue unbuttoning top button of too tight jeans.)

Let's see what I can do to pull myself out of this funk!