Hidden Track

I was going to start this entry by saying I'm feeling back on track this morning, but I realized that not much has changed except my poopy attitude from yesterday. :) But that's quite probably the biggest step!

Fun stuff - I tried on a pair of jeans and a blouse that my coworker brought in, and they fit! I was a little stressing, wondering if they'd still be too small and thus make my crappy mood even worse, but noooooo, I was looking good, baby. The blouse was a little too tight too wear, but that was because I'm still so boobalicious. I'll have to get the jeans altered - I'm a shortie, so it's rare that anything but petite pants fit me out of the gate. Tonight, maybe I'll try on some more stuff. I had to leave the big bag here yesterday since it was raining so hard and I had taken the bus. Today, I drove in so I can make a quick escape.*

*A "quick escape" by car has changed dramatically to mean "A much longer commute home, except for I'll be quite comfortable in my own car." The State recently started tolling a nearby bridge ($7/round trip!!) and everyone has, very, very rudely, moved down to *my* bridge. This has impacted my commute in a most negative manner. At any rate, it has served to make taking the bus much, much more appealing to me. Stupid tolls.

Scale was down to 152 this morning, so for that, I am definitely feeling more on track. I can see that WLS and weight loss has made me a complete and utter scale whore. That bounce from 151 to 155 had me GROUCHY!!! Or was it 154? Anyway - I had several doctor appointments last week and at least then, the scale said 155 and it ticked me off. Shows you what a fickle creature I am! On the morning of my WLS last year, on 1/11/11, the scale said 255 as I went into the operating room. What's a hundred pounds among friends?? A bad day on the scale is all relative, haha.

Tomorrow is my gallbladder, tubal ligation and uterine ablation surgery. The female procedures will leave me unable to become pregnant, which adds value to my life because it keeps me from leaping from the top of my little skyscraper should I become "with child." It leaves me just the tiniest bit wistful, however. But not much. You couldn't pay me to have another baby at this point in my life. This is interesting in a couple regards:

• Cappy doesn't have kids. Uh, that may be the most sexiest thing in the world. No custody schedules to coordinate, no exes to deal with, no blending of families, etc. I may exclusively date childless men from now on, haha. When I first considered dating, I was a little suspicious of men who did not have children. What if they don't have them because they don't like them? Now, I find it just plain *hawt,* haha. I am, however, still suspicious of men in their 40s who have not been married.
• Oh, but the interesting thing about him is that I get the sense that he is not opposed/closed to the idea of having a baby. Not with me, bucko. But will this be a wedge in any future developments? I can honestly say, if it is, it is - this is a non-negotiable for me. And besides, I have scads of them. Stick around and I'll happily share. ;)
• Is a barren womb unsexy? I have enough experience with men to conduct my own sampling, and I have found that men are turned on by the possibility of making a baby. (Conversely, I am terrified by the thought of making a baby, haha.) Will this flip a switch on the hot sex? Ah, I doubt it. No matter.

Well, I am a teensy bit nervous about the surgery tomorrow, and my recovery time. Luckily, I have had gobs of surgeries in my lifetime and have not experienced any complications or detrimental effects. With the exception of when my young nurse actually killed me with morphine following my spinal fusion in 2004, but you know, they did the Code Blue and brought me back, so it's all good. Over the course of the day, I guess I'll get a little more nervous, but it will be manageable. Surgery just isn't something you delight in. And Cappy is spending the rest of the week with me, so I'm hoping I'm not about to walk into the death of this budding relationship because of some unexpected difficult recovery. It's a little soon to have him stand-in for this sort of thing, but selfishly, I just wanted to see him. And didn't want to go back to my mom's and spend the night - I want my own bed and home. By all accounts from doctors and friends, I should be just fine. I'll blog 'atcha on Friday to let you know how it went. Oh, and it's outpatient surgery, so I should be back home within banking hours tomorrow. 

My doctors put down for FOUR WEEKS off following surgery, though! Really??? I will have follow-up appointments next week - I just think that is very unrealistic and unlikely. I am, embarrassingly, asking for sick leave donations from my coworkers, though....eek. 'Cause this hot mama ain't got no Paid Time Off in the bank. Yeesh. One day, I'll be able to pay it forward, when children are grown or at least more self-sufficient, and I'm not always whisking off to a school meeting, doctor appointment or nursemaiding little people at home. Gosh, what an exhausting time in my life this is.

It's times like this that I wonder if I should be looking for a serious relationship, after all, haha. I hope if I find one, it's with someone who is willing to both slog through this challenging time in my life AND be willing to zip around the world laying on various tropical beaches with me in ten years or so, haha.

I'm changing my hair. Maybe next week while I'm home recovering. I'm thinking some sort of soft pixie cut style - just shake things up a bit. And I'm in the market for a cute little black jacket to replace my standard polar fleece I wear around the office. I have a vision of what I'm looking for, now I just need to go find it. Look at me, giving a rip about how I look! There's your post-WLS non-scale-victory for the day, teehee. T'wasn't too long ago that "getting ready" meant getting up and getting out the door, with very little regard for anything else. I am having fun. :)