Baldy

I am happy to report that I can officially say my hair loss is slowing down. Not stopping - not even to the extent that it's not creepy or gross to wash my hair. Just slowing down. I am not as yukked out as I have been when I wash my hair. Therefore, it is getting better. :)

As an aside - I had decided that washing my hair was creepy, and coloring it was unnecessarily harmful, thus resulting in additional hair loss. My dear friend said to me one day when we were sitting outside at lunch, "You know how you always talk about your hair loss, but I haven't been able to see it? Well, I do notice it today - what's going on?" I said that I had not washed it this morning and have not colored it in a few weeks because I lose more when I color it. We agreed that the very preventative steps I was taking were the ones that were making it more noticeable, haha. Plus, we were sitting in the sun, so it was showing the roots a lot more. Point taken - I colored it that night and have washed it, trying not to be skeeved out by the hair in the drain.

Oy, I am dead tired. I got plenty of sleep last night, but I am thinking that the only thing that is going to cure this exhaustion and stress is the big move on Thursday. I have been chasing a terrible headache with drugs and anything I can find for a week now, to no avail. Just stress! Plus, I am feeling F-A-T today - I am in my size 12s and I wish I were wearing sweatpants. I have been eating too much. Not eating "bad" things, just too many things. Stress, stress, stress.

On a happy note, I did see a moving truck in front of the new house yesterday, along with three pickup trucks. The family that is in there qualifies for the show "Hoarders," I believe. When I drove by again at 7p (yes, I am stalking them!) the moving truck was still there, and the garage was still packed with stuff. Hopefully they will get it all out before Thursday so I can do one smooth transition between homes. I think I will. Even if you have a ton of stuff, it's hard to stretch out a move over a whole week when you have trucks and everything.

True to my cycle, I am squarely in the ovulation days and I just feel like I could sit and cry and cry! Funny, hormones. Imagine when I will be able to use all this hormone energy for a good cause, haha. I had a wonderful weekend with the kids, and my next door neighbor and his son, who is good buddies with my youngest. We sat outside in the sun all weekend watching the kids play, shared a bottle of wine and illegally lit kiddie fireworks until 10:30 pm or so. (I don't have my kids on the 4th this year, so we move holidays around as necessary.) It reminded me how good life can be! I confess, there is nothing that makes me happier than sitting out in the sun drinking a glass of wine. I am fairly low maintenance in that regard, I think, haha. Put me on a *warm beach* with that drink and I just feel like I've died and gone to heaven. I am seriously contemplating a move to a warmer climate. On Sunday morning, with a bazillion and one things to do, I took the garbage out. Walking into the bright sunshine (even with a low-grade hangover) you just feel so alive. I was thinking I should take the kids camping (maybe I am a hillbilly at heart, because whenever I am in the early morning sunshine, I think about camping). I bought "Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Cowboys" on iTunes (the Waylon Jennings/Willie Nelson version, because why buy Willie when you can get Willie and Waylon for the same price?). I sang at the top of my lungs while I packed the kitchen. This was a nice weekend. I desperately crave sunshine - I tell ya, I feel 1000% different about life when I get my vitamin D going!

Oh, wine. I have to be careful drinking wine post-op. Two glasses puts me on my lips! I am barely able to drink hard alcohol at all - it kind of burns in my stomach. I can drink red wine, but don't often have the occasion/desire to do so. Pre-op, two glasses was plenty of wine, and that is the amount I am accustomed to drinking. Now, however...it hits me harder, even though it still tastes just as good. I split a bottle with the handsome neighbor the other day, and splitting a bottle is really a bit too much for me. I don't mind a good wine buzz (especially since I was already at home), but I also woke up with a little hangover, and this, I do not like at all. Alcohol should be enjoyed, then out of your system, no lingering allowed. Plus, my 10-year-old said that he thinks I was a little drunk. His reasoning? When the incredibly crabby old woman came over and SCREAMED at us about lighting illegal fireworks and destroying a $350K parking lot paving job, I just laughed at her. "Usually, if someone is going to yell at you," my son said, "you would just yell back. But you just laughed at her." Ok, Mr. Observant: 1) The neighbor had it under control. That in itself was nice, because my X would not have taken charge of a similar situation. When old lady dropped the f-bomb, he shut her down immediately. Call the cops if you need to, but move on. You're not going to stand here and swear in front of a bunch of kids. 2) I am now afraid my son is going to be offering me wine whenever I'm in a bad mood. I'm not necessarily afraid, I suppose, I'm just afraid I won't resist the temptation. ;) Life is better with wine. I normally do not drink at home and I cannot think of whenever I've drank in front of the kids. But aren't we all happier when mama's happy?

I confess to crushing on handsome single next door neighbor. How could you not? My two girlfriends met him a couple weeks ago and said that we should all be so lucky as to have a neighbor like this. We should. He is gainfully employed, is a great dad, and a nice guy. He qualifies for the antithesis of my ex, too, and that is widely appealing to me. I use him and another male friend as the models of the type of man I am looking for - smart, funny, sexy (oh, when I was married, my ex wanted a motorcycle and I always said no - now seeing men on motorcycles is just the sexiest thing...even if it does shorten their lifespans, haha).

A Moving Post

I have been neglecting my blog and all my favorite blogs lately! It's not for lack of thinking of them. I am busy, busy, busy! My daughter has been struck by back to back serious illnesses: last week it was strep throat and this week it is walking pneumonia! Oy! She is doing better, but is definitely quite ill. I dragged the kids back to Seattle Children's urgent care the other night because she kept spiking these high fevers, and even though she was on antibiotics for the strep, she just didn't seem to be improving. They did a chest x-ray and found the pneumonia. While we were there, my five-year-old puked all over the men's room! I was worried that he was getting ill, but thus far, it seemed to be a complete anomoly (he is not a puker). Yesterday, my 10-year-old was feeling awful, as well.

Okay - you know, especially if you are a parent - how much you love your kids and worry when they are sick. But since I am also a single parent who is moving next Thursday, you *have* to know how hard I am praying that I don't get sick, too! OMG that would make life so much more difficult.

Even my nanny has been feeling ill - yesterday morning she walked in doubled over in stomach pain and collapsed on the couch. Uh, have a great day? Wow, something is sure going around our house! By yesterday afternoon, she said she was feeling a bit better, too. I am hoping they are all doing better today: I talked to my ex this morning and he said everyone was on the mend. They will be at my house later this morning and I'll check in.

We are SO EXCITED about the move! (Well, not the move itself - I am full of dread and anxiety there, but once we are moved in - YAY!) My ex actually arranged for the moving truck and movers. This was a very sweet gesture and I appreciate it so much. I am also afraid to count on it - not because I think he'll let me down, but because if he did let me down, I would have to kill him. And my children are so attached.

I also arranged for movers and a truck - but X (my term of endearment) assures me I can cancel them. I do not think he is bankrolling the move - but have not questioned him about it. His friend is a part-time mover and they have negotiated a discounted rate. I will cancel my truck and movers today and spend the next several days worried sick about it. I am still hopeful that my *whole* move can take place on the 30th. If it doesn't, well, I will have a moving truck full of stuff parked in the driveway overnight at my new place. And no movers to bring it in. Eep! It will work out. I am still penciled in with a moving company to unload the truck on the first (although they have told me they will not hesitate to cancel me in favor of the first paying customer). I have different movers lined up for the 30th that I may be able to move to the 1st. Either way, you know I'll figure out a way to unload that truck. It will all work out.

(I have a friend who says "Let go and let God..." I am not especially religious but I like this expression and have tried to incorporate it into my thinking this month whenever I am on the verge of complete mental breakdown. Which is often, haha.)

Speaking of breakdowns - I have had a killer headache for the last four days. No medicine known to man will make it go away, or even really dull it. When it first started, I was concerned it was a sign that I was getting sick. But no, I have decided it is purely stress- and anxiety-induced. It is just a very busy time with a lot of unknowns. A week or so from today, things will be much calmer!

Oh - and I will offer one more exhibit of the stress I've been under. My current landlord, God-bless-his-heart-he-means-well, left me a message that he has a carpet cleaner coming on 6/29. The day before I move. Now, I already have 80% of my stuff packed and in boxes in the dining room. I have three children, I have a mandatory volunteer meeting the night before my move, and I will be up all night packing that night to put away all the really, really last minute stuff that couldn't be packed. And he has scheduled a carpet cleaner.

Hell, no.

I did get ahold of him and explain that I did not think that would be good value for his money. Our daughters are friends - I am trying not to devour him when I hear stuff like this. But my boxes cover much of the downstairs carpet, I would not want my boxes getting wet, I will have movers in the house the following day and it has been raining a lot lately and may be muddy. Let's skip the carpet cleaners. Why in the world they are allowing the new tenants to move in THE SAME DAY I MOVE OUT is beyond me - but they will have to figure out the logistics of carpet cleaning without me. Call me unreasonable. Grr.

What a Difference a Year Makes (Photo 6/20/10 and 6/20/11)

Barb and I just did our 60-flight run and took a picture. I noticed, when I posted it to facebook, that it was a year ago that I took this picture with my daughter at her school. Amazing difference! I feel soooo much better.

Monday, Monday

Happy Monday! All is well here. I have a signed lease in hand for the new place (that's signed lease in very shaky hand - the higher rent amount has me shaking in my shoes, but I will make it work). The owner is confident that the current tenants will be out by the end of the month, so I am putting all worries aside.

My landlord (whom I have been thinking of as my-landlord-bless-his-soul-he-means-well) let me know that they rented my condo, but the new tenants need to move in on the 30th. Uh, my lease says it's my condo until midnight on the 30th. I do not need the extra stress of accommodating someone else's move-in while coordinating my own move-out. I'm actually figuring I'll be out early on the 30th, anyway, so I'm trying not to stress about it. I will tell him that once we have had an amicable resolution to the question of how much security deposit I'll be getting back, we'll talk about whether or not I'll relinquish the keys early on the 30th. Sheesh.

My weight loss is dead in the water. I've been bouncing between 191 and 194 for eternity now, it seems. Yes, on 6/4, I hit 191 pounds for the first time. Since then, it has been bouncing back and forth over these same several pounds. I'm not terribly worried about this, but if I were analyzing any contribution of mine to the slowdown, I would say it is a) lack of exercise and b) drinking wine. I've definitely noticed that I can (and do) eat larger portions than I did in the time following surgery, but I don't think that is out of hand. Today, for instance I had my protein salad - I am maxed out in stomach capacity at four ounces. It is hard for me to feel badly about eating a four ounce meal, haha.

However - wine drinking. I don't feel terribly about this one, either, as I've only had wine twice this month: 6/5 and 6/11. I had several glasses on both occasions, though! Must be mindful about drinking my calories, especially when it involves fun times with friends. These are the times that wine sounds mighty goooood!

Exercise. Oops, this one has really fallen by the wayside. I have been so stressed out, my time with my friend Barb really turned into Julie-sobs-while-Barb-comforts. We traded stairclimbing for therapeutic lunches lately. I think the stress of the move has just completely wiped me out, because as the day draws nearer, I am actually feeling quite a bit better. (Note: it's not that I'm feeling all that badly - I think it just lurks right underneath the surface. A kind or concerned word from a friend - hmm, maybe Barb is using my vulnerability to get out of stair climbing - has just opened the floodgates to all the stress right now. Yes, Barb is probably thinking, I don't want to do the stairs today - I'll just ask her how that move is going, and we'll get to sit and have lunch, instead! Clever girl.)

Anyway, we're back on track today, planning a P1-62 run early this afternoon. My goal is to get on a P1-62 run twice a day. Today, we'll just do it once, though. Baby steps. That day I did it twice in one day (uh, the last time I did the stairs), my calves were really very quite sore for several days. When I am an exercise addict, the pain will not deter me from working out again. Right now, however, I am not an exercise addict.

Truly, I need some new clothes. Tops, specifically. I have maybe a half dozen shirts. They come in two varieties: my old plus size shirts that hang off me, and several cute size large shirts that my tall and skinny friend Kim gave me on my visit (e.g. one of my drunken wine days this month). The size large shirts are just a skoosh too small for me to feel comfortable wearing (refer to the stomach "flump" or major muffin top). The plus size shirts droop down and expose my bra to everyone. I am, as they say, in between sizes. And yes, I have reached a size where my tall and skinny friends can hand me down clothes. It is a divine place to be. :)

My protein salad (this is my riff on the Pagliacci Pizza salad, yummy stuff):

Pagliaccio Salad

Lettuce tossed with garbanzo beans, diced red pepper, kasseri cheese, salami, red onion and our own dijon vinaigrette.

Julie's WLS version (who has room in their stomach for lettuce?)
2 cans garbanzo beans, rinsed
1/2 cup-ish dry salame, chopped
1 red bell pepper, chopped
3 or 4 green onions, chopped
3/4 cup-ish greek yogurt (I use 2%)
fresh dill, chopped
1/2 cup-ish mozzarella cheese, chopped
salt and pepper to taste
Toss, refrigerate, eat. Yum.

Flirty Girl

Wuhl, I can't talk about my weight loss progress all the time (especially when I'm in the midst of the two-week lull that follows a period of loss, haha). So I'll tell you about the "Flirting 101" workshop I attended this week.

I have been following several groups on the Meetup.com website, including a singles group. It's run by a Seattle matchmaker. Even though I follow the groups, I had previously only attended one event, a whale watching tour for single parents. We all had a great day! It was nice to be out with a bunch of other single parents, chatting and enjoying ourselves.

I was much more apprehensive about attending a singles event, though. I have been trying to get over it, because they put on a lot of good things! Bowling, game nights, etc. I also follow a couple other groups that aren't singles-related, but food/arts/culture-type things. Even though I am not a shy person, I get totally apprehensive about showing up by myself to meet with a group of strangers. (Well, who the heck wouldn't?? haha)

Anyway. The matchmaker offered a "Flirting 101" workshop at a posh local members-only type club. I've been to this club a few times, and it makes me tense, too. I call it "Club 90210," ha. Very hoighty-toighty. So, talking myself into going to the event would be two challenges to myself! I figured the class was a good first step, because I wouldn't have to *do* anything, just show up.

And, so, I went. It was nervewracking walking in, asking where the "dating class" was being held. I got there early enough to order a glass of liquid courage wine. The place started filling up quickly. I actually started chatting right off the bat with a couple women with whom I'd hang out all evening.

The class was about what you'd expect, nothing earthshattering. What led me to this post was a flirting exercise we did. We were paired off - me with this nice man who was probably in his late 40s, early 50s. He's in the process of getting divorced. He was nice friendly enough, but here a couple of gems he imparted:

- You've been divorced almost two years, and not found someone? Hmm, I'd be thinking what's wrong with you? Hmm, well, look Jack, my ex walked out on me and our three kids, the youngest whom was only two years old. I started a new job the next day, and moved my kids thirty miles to be near the new job, but away from my parents and all the support I had. The last two years have been about freaking survival. How come you're not even divorced and you're out signing up for a matchmaker? 'Fraid to be alone, much?
- He actually used as an example to the group, as in raised his hand to relate a "learning experience" from our conversation, that he had made a joke (he did not volunteer the fact that it was an incredibly lame ass joke) and I had taken him seriously. What the flip are you supposed to say to someone who starts a conversation with "Did you drive here, too? Are you the one who nearly ran into me in the parking lot?" Uhhh, no, wasn't me. (Although, with my driving, I am obligated to at least consider the question, haha.)

So, he was a jerk (and a shorty), but the experience illuminates some of the challenges of dating. You are not "supposed" to talk about kids or divorce when meeting someone new. It is amazing how quickly parents and divorced people turn to talking about kids and divorce, though. Really - who wouldn't? The parents in the group all agreed on this subject. You're not going to sit around and tell someone how great your kids are, what projects they're working on in school, but yeah, they're pretty intrinsic to your life, even if it's only related to the logistics of having free time to date. And look at online dating sites! The questions they ask you - the answers they show you about every potential match, lay it all on the table right away: Do you have kids? How many? How often are they with you? Do you want more? Do you mind if your partner has kids?

Eek. Hmm, this was meant to be a lighthearted post, but it's not turning out that way! Dating is a tense subject. A friend razzed me about going - this friend is not yet divorced but already seeing someone else. It was all I could do to keep from saying that it is much easier to not worry about dating at 40+ years old if you take the time to line one man up before leaving another. For people I know, it's a frequent "are you dating yet" conversation starter to remark to me how difficult it will be to date with three young kids. Yes, I know, I know, I know. But it's always presented to me as if it's the first time anyone's ever thought of it. In the elevator: "So, are you seeing anyone? Wow, it's going to be really hard to meet someone with all your kids being so young!" Sigh. Yes, I think you've cornered me in the elevator and told me that before, remember? I don't exactly relish the thought, and honestly, if I heard of a divorced man (providing he was divorced less than two years, lest there be anything wrong with him) with three young kids...well, I'd already be wondering if that would be a can of worms I'd be interested in opening.

And so, I'll just press on. I am interested in dating, but what I'm really interested in right now is expanding my circle of friends. There are things that I am very interested in doing but none of my current friends are, and that is where things fall short. Also, it has really been bothering me lately that I do not have a community for my kids. My family is very small and they tire of being around the kids for long - if at all. My friends either do not have kids, or their kids are grown. When it is my 50% of the time with the kids - it is just me and the kids. When I grew up, there was family, and tons of friends, and group camping trips and all sorts of fun stuff. Now, my kids get that with my ex, whose girlfriend is very tight with her family, so the two families (his and hers) are always together. I'm glad they are getting that community, but it irritates me, too. And my 10-year-old, a very deep thinking young man, frequently asks me why it is just us when we're together, and not family or friends.

Sigh. Well, I decided to post because I was laughing to myself about something said after the flirting class, when a bunch of us stayed for a drink. I should have opened with that, because my hormonal heart took over and took the post in a different direction. Oh well! :)

Skinny Bitch

A coworker I haven't seen in awhile called me a "skinny bitch" today. I just about kissed her. :)

5 Month Post-Op Pictures and a Fun Weekend

Ooo, ooo, I'm five months post-op! I lost ten pounds this month, and I am down 72 pounds overall. I am feeling great! This month's challenges have been feeling run down and hungry.

Run down: I think this is stress related. I'm doing a decent job getting my calories, protein, vitamins and such in. I am under an incredible amount of stress with the pending move, and I think it has taken a toll on me this month. In keeping with trying to understand my body's signals - I will say this is stress-related. Everything is going pretty well on the other fronts. I am being especially mindful of taking my iron pills, B12 and such. Oops - I have completely forgotten about my vitamin D, I will need to get back on that!

Hunger: I have had several HUNGRY days in the last week or so. Like 'what will I eat next, what will I eat next?' sort of days. I have been trying to counteract that with lots of protein and liquids.

Yum - I made my own shredded chicken. This solves a lot of problems for me, because I have been buying shredded chicken tacos from the restaurant in my building. At $3.26 for a soft taco, I am only eating the chicken and sour cream out of the taco, and it is a ridiculous waste of money. My friend told me to cover chicken breasts with broth in the crockpot, sprinkle liberally with taco seasoning and cook the heck out of them. I cooked two breasts overnight (10 hours) on low and they were YUMMY!! Next time I will throw in a can of tomatoes, as that flavor was definitely lacking.

Ah, I had a fun weekend with Kim at 23 Imaginary Friends! She indoctrinated me into the world of a sports mom: we saw two basketball tournament games for her daughter, and small parts of two Little League games for her stepson. We also took in a hot rod show near the ballfield. I ate 1/2 the pulled pork from a sandwich and foolishly bought a big bag of caramel corn "for my kids." I had to lock it in the trunk on the long drive home! It's going to work with me tomorrow - my coworkers can feast on it. The kids and I do not need it in the house. (My 12 year old daughter is 200+ pounds and we are going to talk major incentive program to get some weight off her this summer, so caramel corn seems like a stoopid idea to bring into the house.)

After all the sports activities, Kim and I hung out at a beautiful winery in the sun. Yay! Warm sun and cold drink - one of my world's most favoritist combinations. Kim dug through her closet and sent me home with some great hand-me-down shirts, along with a "It's Willamette, dammit!" apron from the winery that I have been coveting since I saw them the store last year.

I dare say we are even more beautiful than we were in high school! :)

There is a slight height differential between us. :)

Wordless Wednesday

 

Fat Pants

Oy, the mass consumption of wine caught up with me and the scale reflected a four pound jump in weight! YIKES! I am going to plead water weight for at least some of this. But I've been feeling fat and the scale confirmed my weight gain suspicions, so this morning I put on my "fat pants," the size 14s. (I have three identical pairs of jeans, haha, 14s, 12s and 10s all in the Gloria Vanderbilt stretchy jeans that Costco sells.) Sexy boot day photo was taken in the size 10s. Today I am schlumping in the 14s.

Even for fat days, the 14s are really too big for me to wear. :) That's a nice pick-me-up when I'm feeling a little blue!

I have eaten more today, too, which confirms to me, for the bazillionth time, that I am an emotional eater. I am not hungry - I am feeling fat. Ipso facto, overeating to compound my problem.

Shake it off, girl. I threw the remainder of my food in the garbage to get it out of my clutches. I shouldn't be eating rice and beans anyway. (Or, in another "Dave Ramsey" nod to Rachel and Kim, I *should* be eating rice and beans....but I shouldn't be eating rice and beans...but I *should* be...) Oh dear, the conundrum...

Accomplished Wino

Wine blending was fun! I didn't know what to expect: would we be adding essence of chocolate, fruity pear, oak, hints of blackberries??? Nah, we were crafting a mix of three wines, a sangiovese (my current red wine fave, although I am a Pinot Grigio girl most times), a syrah and a cabernet. Mix to your pleasure. It was a lot of fun - we had six people in our group, and we adopted the remaining couple at our table. Wine was drank, beakers were filled, glass pipettes were carefully handled. Less carefully as the evening wore on! Then we got a four-course dinner, yum! Four course dinners post-op mean you don't want to leave on a stretcher. That is a very cool feeling! I had some of the roasted potato and veggie salad, the chicken off the polenta lasagne, some of the yummy spinach and feta salad, and several of the crispini crustini topped with a mixture of sour cream and goat cheese. The dessert was some sort of salty truffle. Am I the only one who doesn't like salt with my sweets?? I don't care what Alton Brown says, I don't mix my sweet and salty! I don't even care for kettle corn.

I had enough wine and other general badness this weekend that I psyched myself out of getting on the scale this morning. Back on the wagon tomorrow! Really, I guess it was just the wine, not a lot of food. But there was quite a lot of wine, comparatively speaking. Ah, the lazy days of summer!

That's a Lotta Meatballs! Seventy-two Pounds Gone

Woohoo! Seventy two pounds gone! The scale was kind to me this morning. So kind that I had to hop back on it a couple times to see if maybe the battery was on the fritz, haha. Well, that is just super exciting! :)

The weight loss has really been visible lately. I'm getting lots of compliments and lingering once-overs when people see me. I can see it a lot in my face, neck and chest. This morning in the shower I was telling my butt that it was looking pretty damn firm. (Yes, I was talking to my butt - a little kind word or compliment now and then does a lot for her self-esteem.) Big hangy gut is, well, still big and hangy, but even she is tightening up quite a bit.

Yesterday I was so pleased with my size 10 jeans that I vainly snapped a picture of myself in the bathroom at work. I don't have a full-length mirror at home, so sometimes those big mirrors at work are really exciting!

It's a cheezy shot, but woowoo, it's me! It's working, it's working! And look at me, rocking my cute little black boots. I wouldn't quite say it's a *habit*, but I am making great strides in wearing cute shoes (okay, one of the two pairs of boots I have) instead of my standard Keen tennies. Lawd knows I feel so much prettier in them! That is not always enough to convince me to wear them, though, haha. And as I grow lighter, or at least more used to wearing them, it's not the exercise in agony that it once was. I wouldn't take a long walk in them, but it doesn't hurt to wear the boots now.

Oh! My fun day completely fell apart last night. It started with such promise and then tanked. I didn't get to go see my dancing puppets sound suits. My friend had to go home after work to pick up her kid, and it just seemed like a headache to re-organize. I was quite bummed. Instead, I came home and bought a bottle of wine and camped out with my book. You know I was pissed because I don't drink at home, generally, as it's just me, and I am always skeptical about drinking wine after it's been open a couple days. But last night, I didn't care. I actually planned on going to the art museum event by myself (for years I have barked at my single friends that they don't deliver Mr. Right to you damn front door, ya gotta get off your couch). But it was a bad day and the couch seemed like the perfect place to be.

Today has started off much better, though, with a big win on the scale and another beautiful sunny day. Hoping to get a lot of moving preparation done! Here's wishing a wonderful weekend to all of you!!

Fun in Da Sun / What the Hell Kind of a Doll Are You?

I will follow Jen's lead and capitalize Sun in this post, because here in Seattle, it is Sunny today! And it is supposed to be Sunny all weekend! You have no idea what delirium a little Sunshine brings about in the community unless you have slogged through Seattle's nine months of winter. We are crazy stupid with the thought of bright skies. And on a WEEKEND?? Unheard of!!

Yesterday, I read Sleeve Pixie's post about the Meyers Brigg test and her ENFP result. I, too, am an ENFP and fit very squarely in this category. There was a description, though, about ENFP's being silly:

ENFPs have what some call a "silly switch." They can be intellectual, serious, all business for a while, but whenever they get the chance, they flip that switch and become CAPTAIN WILDCHILD, the scourge of the swimming pool, ticklers par excellence. Som etimes they may even appear intoxicated when the "switch" is flipped.

Hmm, I thought. I don't have a silly switch. I'm not particularly great with kids (first thing that comes to mind when I thought "silly."), I'm not the life of the party, I do not care for slapstick humor, etc. Nope, no silly switch here. Fun loving, yes! Silly, not really. I don't do funny voices, and um, in contrast to the article above, I am *not* a tickler par excellence. (Although the phrase was surely stuck in my head all day after reading it!)

But. Maybe I am silly. Because when I tell you tonight I am going to SAM (Seattle Art Museum) Remix Party to see the Nick Cave Meet Me at the Center of the Earth exhibit for the *third* time, just so I can have the rare opportunity to mix alcohol, live music and the dancing soundsuits...well, that just seems silly.

I am lucky I was not arrested for touching the soundsuits during my first two visits to the exhibit. I took my kids once, and my five-year-old *did* touch one - I was beside myself with jealousy. These things CRACK ME UP! And tonight the exhibit is closing, so they are doing a party which will be PACKED (they have these parties quarterly, I think). There will be music and people watching and alcohol, and FreeJulie using every bit of restraint to keep from touching the people dancing in the sound suits!

So yeah, I've got a silly side, I suppose. But I still hate Rob Schneider movies and would run Carrot Top down in a crosswalk (mostly out of fear).

Tomorrow, I will spend in pre-move preparations. Cleaning and packing, getting rid of stuff. I am reading the second Hunger Games book, and I will have to be careful not to start reading it too early in the day or I won't get anything done all day. Love these books! Thanks for the reco, Kim! My manager has read them, too, and we were joking yesterday that they are juvenile and have an unsophisticated plot line and pander to the readers. But then, they are written for pre-teens. Sigh. Very enjoyable reads. :)

Sunday - I am attending a Wine Blending Workshop and Four Course Dinner with friends. Uh, none of us know what wine blending is. But it's my buddy's birthday, and this is what she wanted to do, and we got a decent deal (it is hard for me to be unbiased about the value of four course dinners since I can only eat *a* turkey sausage link for breakfast, hahaha). So, we will learn how to blend wine, and then we will bring home our own custom blends that hopefully fare better than the homemade perfumes or scented lotions we've done as party events for my daughter's sleepovers in the past. Peeee-Yeeew. (I suppose that could just be "P.U." but I need for you to drag it out when you read it.)

Oh! And Guys and Dolls last night! (My, I sound like quite the socialite, don't I? Parties, events and alcohol, flitter, flitter, flitter. See me on my other favorite weekends - laying on the couch watching Law and Order reruns.) What fun! I did not know the story line at all, and as I was told, I did recognize of a few of the songs. (Luck be a Lady, Sit Down You're Rocking the Boat, Can Do.) That was a great show, but it kept me out well past my bedtime. Very enjoyable! I have not been let down by these Broadway-type performances before, although there have been some that I've been dragged to a little unwillingly.

Hmm, weight loss blog...topic, topic...I am rocking my size 10 jeans today! Yesterday, a strange man in the elevator was chatting me up and then fixed my coat collar. It seems my invisibility cloak is slipping off.

Edited to add - "What the hell kind of a doll are you?" Absolutely the best line of Guys and Dolls. It is surely a question people ask about me all the time, too.

Melancholy

Since I removed that Mirena IUD I am noticing an interesting pattern the last couple months. This isn't weight loss related, but it's part of that whole process and thus, I'm making the observation here for posterity.

So, I went back to regular cycles immediately in my post-IUD life, which was nice, considering I'd pretty much been having my period non-stop since surgery prior to that, blech. And last month and this, when I am coming up on ovulation (thank you, super handy "iPeriod" app for my iPhone!), I get...

wait for it...

it's not what you're expecting (wuhl, unless you made a mental note of the title of this blog entry, duh)...

Melancholy.

Maybe, what I'm really getting is all the amped up hormonal find-a-mate-make-a-baby instinctual stuff, but since I don't have a mate...well, it's manifesting itself as melancholy.

Lonely, isolated, sad. Intensely so. Easily hurt. Quick to feel rejected.

I don't like feeling like this. I suppose it's good to be experiencing my normal cycles, but if this is what the week of ovulation is going to feel like, I gotta say I'm not loving the experience. It's interesting, at least, to be able to tie it so directly to the calendar. Look at me, learning from my body! Yay!

Today I have just been fragile. I am not usually fragile. :) I sent my buddy a text with a picture of my melty-and-about-to-toss frozen chocolate yogurt, saying "I prefer my men chocolatey but my froyo less so," which just CRACKED ME UP and oh gosh, she is probably WORKING but nonetheless, not hearing back from her was just the final nail in the coffin today. (And yes, I think in a strange instinctual self-protection mode, the men I am generally attracted to now are the POLAR OPPOSITES of my ex-husband, haha, and it's not by design. Interesting, yes?)

My massage therapist (himself a delicious chocolatey treat since he is also a yoga instructor - my first yoga instructor from way back, actually, and still my favorite), whom I just look forward to seeing so much every week, broke up with his longtime girlfriend and even though we had a great discussion about the merits of ending such relationships, it furthered my sad mood, instead of boosting me up as these appointments always do.

Anyway, there are my observations. Days like these remind me that it hasn't been all that long that my life has been feeling put back together and on a good track of happiness. I am okay with that, as I know I've come so far! But I am trying to figure out my body's patterns and head off moods like today's. It's good to at least understand what's happening, though.

Oh! Tonight will be fun. This was a good story - earlier this week my buddy and I were talking about doing something on Thursday night. I am kid free and neither of us had plans. We talked about how my moving expenses are going to be such a killer, and we needed to do something free or cheap. I said, "Well, let's just plan on getting together, something free or cheap will come up."

And wah-lah! Yesterday morning she asks if I want to go see "Guys and Dolls" at the 5th Avenue Theater in Seattle tonight. (Hmm, not really, but I'm sure it will be great once I get there! I had the same hesitation about seeing "Chicago" last year and it was wonderful.) The price? Free! Her brother couldn't go and passed the tickets on to us.

Naturally, I said that we had put it out into the universe and were rewarded with free tickets. So...the next logical thing to say was, "I sure am looking forward to meeting the rich - oh hell, not even rich, just self-sufficient is good - man of my dreams this week!"

We'll see. I haven't stumbled onto him yet, but I did mention to the universe that I'm planning a July 2013 or 2014 wedding. My buddy is on board, too, and we agreed on a double wedding in the Bahamas or Virgin Islands.

Hey - ya gotta put it out there, anyway. ;)

In My Line of Sight - 25 Pounds and What it Means

Hrumph. I do not feel "obese" anymore. I plugged my weight into the BMI calculator and see that I have exactly 25 pounds to go to get out of the "obese" category and into the less insulting "overweight" category. It seems so far away!! So I am writing myself this entry to remember when I do step into the overweight category, which I'm sure will not be too terribly far away.

Today, however it feels far away. Twenty-five more pounds! How can I do it, when I've already lost 69? How on earth did I get myself to such a weight where I'm throwing around these numbers?

Hey - I can't begin to tell you how happy that little ticker at the top of the screen makes me. I am on the downhill side, baby! I just feel great whenever I look at that. I am already thinking of my next goal, besides goal, I mean. I am going to lose 1/2 my body weight, getting me to 131.5 pounds. I need to be able to tell people that I am half the size I was, haha. It seems like some internal imperative, so we're just going to run with it. Look for me to be a hit in the line at the grocery store, haha. "Oh, you like my shoes? Thanks! I like them, too, because I LOST HALF MY BODY WEIGHT!" (Relevance to the subject at hand has never been a priority for me.)

While I'm rambling aimlessly, I'll give you an update on my hair loss and baggy skin issues. Both topics can be summed up simply as:

ARGH!!

Yes, still losing scads and scads of hair. Yes, my skin is doing strange things that I am refusing to let alarm me. I have read many, many times for instance, that people get turkey neck, but then it tightens up and goes away. I hereby officially invite my turkey neck to tighten up and go away. This morning, I caught a glimpse of my side boob in the mirror. I am used to side boobs, we have known each other a long time. But today it was an especially deflated, wrinkly look. Hmm. My breasts themselves, besides some crepe paper issues, are staying full and round. Other parts of me...well, let's just say I'm glad the weight is coming off, anyway. ;)

Thus ends my rambly update that was born from concerns about how long it will take to lose another 25 pounds. It won't take that long, I'm sure. Chill. A note to future self: See, it wasn't too bad, was it? And look at you now, girlfriend! HAWT!!