Wednesday Weigh - In: Breaking Point

Ugh, I am fighting depression, hard. What happens to me, physiologically, this time of year? The weather in Seattle has been very cold but sunny. I expect I'm not getting enough light, but it doesn't seem like I'm being shortchanged *that* much!

A very tough week at home, and a very overwhelming couple of weeks at work as I've filled in for my boss. For the first time in the longest time at work, I was utterly stymied with how to complete a project. What a bad feeling that was! My eight year old, Reid, has been very uber-challenging lately, while at the same time making huge strides at school. Greg's mom went into the hospital unexpectedly with heart problems and he has been down in Oregon with her all week. He and I are not doing great right now. Well, he and I are fine, but he continues to struggle with some aspects of living with kids, and I am torn between the realities of there being some improvements we can make, but mostly, kids are kids. These are very, very good kids, but they are definitely kids. It's a take or leave situation. (I assured him, though, that if he leaves, I will never take his call again. There will be no Greg v3.0, haha.)

2014 looms ahead, and I wonder what the New Year will bring us?

I had a bad episode of binge eating on Monday night. It was the weirdest thing, although not anything I haven't experienced before. I took a muscle relaxant before bed as I was having a rare occurrence of back pain. The pill kicked in and in a semi-sleeping state, I chowed down on nearly a whole bag of potato chips and I don't remember what else. I used to take ambien and especially back last January when I hurt my jaw, I was taking these muscle relaxants regularly. For whatever reason, both medications (if taken around bed time, in the case of the muscle relaxants) trigger binge eating in me. Night time eating has always been my biggest downfall. It's interesting that with Greg in the house, I rarely, if ever, munch at night. And as soon as he left the house, the beast was unleashed, hahaha.

It's been a very bad eating week, actually. I started off strong, but a night out with the girls to dinner and a movie on Friday, followed by a very bad Sunday at home, followed by Greg being out of town...well, things fell apart quickly. Wheat thins, potato chips (which I *never* crave), Lindt truffles, and pepperoni sticks were my nemeses of choice.

Okay. What needs to be done here is a pulling oneself up by one's boot straps. Soldier on. While I am feeling very whiny about my life, there's not actually much to whine about. It's a combination of my struggles with this time of year, my generally melodramatic ways and overly active imagination, and life. Not a bad life, just life.

Today, I wore fake Uggs (thank you Grocery Outlet for your $9.99 fake Uggs that my daughter was begging me to give her, haha) with my yoga pants and hoodie. Sabrina, whom you may remember is in charge of my regirlification, saw the Uggs and said, "I'm giving you to the end of the year to turn this around. No more yoga pants, no more bedroom slippers. I want to see Pretty Julie again. I have been very patient." Haha, she is right. I have been slumming it more and more. My hair is a mess (growing out those damn bangs, remember). My clothes don't fit. All my beautiful tall boots - won't fit over my fat calves.

Pulling myself out of the slump - without hard work and concentrated effort, I know it only gets worse from here, not better. This isn't something I can just wait for it to pass, unfortunately.

So, all this a long prelude to here's a picture from the ufcking scale this morning:

Puke.

And just to end things on a positive note, here's a picture of the sunrise out my office window this morning. It was glorious!

You could hear the angels playing their harps, I swear.