This Tummy Tuck Surgery

is not for wimps. I'm just sayin'. I'm glad I'm taking another week off work to drive down to Oregon (ignore that part) and veg on Kim's couch. It's Saturday, and the thought of going to work on Monday makes me want to cry. Ouch!!

It's not that I'm in so much pain - I'm really not. I'm very uncomfortable. My belly is swollen. There's a lot of bruising from my mid-section to my upper thighs. You may think wearing a crotchless compression garment for six weeks is sexy: I assure you it is not.

This morning my belly swelling is lopsided, which probably just means I slept funny. But of course you have to run through all the frightening possibilities. Thankfully, since it doesn't hurt or look especially awful, it only took me a moment to dismiss my fears.

So, I'm not yet two weeks out and already I feel very much like it was worth it. That's gonna be one tiny belly when this is all said and done! But it's not something to enter into lightly either! Wow, my belly is rock hard, and not in a muscular way. So very many incisions, too. :)

I'm allowed to get out of the brace every day for a shower and even long enough to wash and dry the garment. Yesterday I did exactly that, but I was pretty pokey about getting back into it, I'll admit. Well, after a few hours, my body was SCREAMING for the comfort and confinement of the compression garment. Even though as I was putting that sucker on - no small act of patience in itself - my body was also whining about not wanting to wear it.

Luckily (?) I've endured similar before. In late 2004 I had a spinal fusion and had to wear a soft back brace similar to this for months (without the fun of the crotchless bodysuit aspect, luckily).

I give up the suit on either Christmas Eve or Christmas morning, depending on my interpretation of six weeks. :) Either way, it will be a very happy day!

Oh, speaking of Christmas: oops. I was so excited about the timing of the Veteran's Day and Thanksgiving holidays to minimize my time off work. So excited about the minimal impact on my cycling since I'd be laid up during the bad weather.

I forgot what a hole this would shoot in the Christmas season. Normally this weekend I'd get the tree and decorations up. (I bought a fake tree after the divorce, which I will tolerate one more year - I miss the real trees!)

Hauling in decorations will be tough. Shopping will be a grind. Generally, I just want to lay in bed right now. (I miss my bike terribly, though!)

This all sounds whiney-hiney, it's not. :) This is just the first weekend the kids have been home and I'm beat. It's been my first opportunity to realize how tough the surgery is and how much longer of a recovery I have ahead! It will continue to get easier, though, and honestly, I will just scale back the Christmas festivities to match my ability level (and especially my older two are getting really super helpful in so many regards!)

In other happy news, my 13yo daughter had me plot out a mile-long route from our house on the odometer. This morning she was up and at 'em early and walked it once and ran it once. Proud of my baby.

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Day 9 Post-Op

Oh, maybe someday I'll regret posting these pics but I say if you were going to vote for me for public office you'd do it whether it not you'd seem my BEAUTIFUL FRANKEN-BELLY! Today is the best day, for sure. The swelling continues to go down. And look, those are gonna be ABS! My own abs!

Finally! A Few Minutes Alone at the Computer

Seriously, though, seem to have become the world's worst typist, so I'm not sure the full sized keyboard will present any new advantage to me.

I had my 6-day post-op check up today and my surgeon says I'm perfectly perfect. No longer do I need to walk in a hunched-over 'L-shape' to protect my stitches, and it's a good gawd-damned thing, too, as I completely suck at it. This morning, in fact, I actually threw a tantrum at my father over it.

I needed help. Jeez, I'm really terribly at asking for help, but I needed it. I wanted someone to help make my bed, throw a load of laundry in and bring the clean stuff up for me to fold. Now, my parents would do anything for me, but for some reason, they opted to come over and watch SpongeBob while I got ready. So I was already pretty pissed. :) Then I come downstairs and my dad hollers, "Bend you back!" and I very nearly lost my shit on him.

Oy.

Well, I don't need to do that anymore anyway. I can stand straight as an arrow, thank you very much. And no, no one helped me make my friggin' bed.

The hard part is behind me though. Sleep in whatever position I'm comfortable, take drugs if/when I need them, drive myself wherever as long as I'm not stoned. I'll go back in for a re-check on Monday, sans parents, and see about returning to work Tuesday.

Oh gosh, I wish I could sit more comfortably and write, but I do think the drugs have my brain scrambled because it is just a million typos and it's driving me nuts. We'll see how it goes tomorrow.

Back soon!

Oh yeah, I can't post from the blogger site

Instead, I have to email in my posts, which means no formatting and no spell-check. So you know how bored I must be if I'm trying anyway, right?

Donkey balls? Diminishing. I might actually have a normal va-jay-jay someday. Not that ill need it. I was supposed to play with Lance Armstrong Sunday and didn't hear from him. "Umm, Lance," I said, "where did you go?" You were supposed to come over after hiking. Yes, but I got tickets to the Seahawks game, he said. Yes , but it would have taken you two seconds to text me that. Yes, he's sorry - he's not really the boyfriend type - he's all about him. Umm, have I noticed this?? No Lance, you are not the boyfriend type. You are the fun to play with sometimes type. Plus, your body is quite remarkable. We are done, sir, even your biker body is not worth the headache (plus you are smoking freely now and it stinks). Plus your body is very beautiful but your tattoos are really stupid abs I think you are a bit scrawny for my tastes, as long as I'm putting in an order.

The Clint Eastwood squinty eyed motorcyclist has checked in with me a couple times this week, but nice as he is, that man is just flat. Ugh.

My MTB friend has kept me highly entertained and seems to project actual concern for my welfare, as does my sugar daddy. This is the aisle I need to shop from, I tell you. (Not the gay aisle.)

My new cycling friend has called and emailed three times this week. Is my picker that broken?? I didn't answer either call today, but I have been hallucinating and such and probably good not to involve strangers. You don't know how long I waited for my daughter to bring me a Popsicle before I remembered she wasn't home, hahaha. And I told my invisible X to cuddle me until I remembered how STOOPID of an idea that was, and I told him so. Again, not here. Probably time to kill the drugs tomorrow. It just hurts. Have you seen franken-belly? Argh!! I would love to stare at it constantly but I am trying to honor the spirit of wearing the suit 24/7 and I can't tell you how much I hate to put it on. Tomorrow ill bet ill get to skip the poise pads on the scars as in I'm not draining, and that will make me much less whiny. Neosporin plus silicone strips plus poise pads plus snaps and zippers has me feeling like the hot spinster who's cats are waiting for her to fall so they can eat her eyeballs.

Other than that, all is well!! Feeling much better today!! Dr appt at 1:30, mom and dad are taking me. There will be SBUX, if I have to hold them at gunpoint to get it. I come from non-SBUX people. :)

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Howdy from La-La Land

Well, I do wish this were one of those blog that would be simply life-alerting to read as you live through my tummy tuck blow-by-blow with me, gleaning all sorts of usual information. Sadly, I have opted for lots of painkillers and sleep instead, so you get what you get.  I am thinking of you, though, and will have coherent and cogent thoughts to share one day again, it is just not today. :)

I am feeling pretty darn good. Lots of drugs, though, and I'm taking them liberally. I am also taking showers! And eating people food!

I rented a recliner on the advice of many tummy tuck blogs, and this was a good thing. I could have easily done without, but I am also enjoying it, so I'm glad to have it.

SRSLY the typos are making me insane. I thought they'd be better on the computer than my phone but they are not so I give up. Back to bed with me! :)

Will update more later. All is well.

Skin puddling

You may recall me posting a pic awhile back of my skin puddling when I laid down. There is no more skin puddling :). Right now it feels like skin stretched taut over a bowling bawl. And I have to get back in this thigh-length compression suit right after I wash and dry, but I am allowed the daily luxury of washing and drying it and showering. Today I walked around the block and again up to the gas station, so I'm getting out there. I'm also staying heavily drugged, as I am out to impress no one with my toughness at this point in my life. :)

He is the shakiest photographer

And I wanted nothing more than to go back to bed a slather myself in neosporin. :)

So not ready for street clothes yet

I made poor Blake take a couple pics of me in street clothes today. I am still so swollen, I have no business in anything but my compression garment and nightie. In fact, I woke up so swollen in the suit I had to yank it off. Sigh. It's a long recovery. :)


Nonetheless here I am in a shirt I would never wear because of my muffin top, and my favorite jeans which were waaaay too tight. Surgery weight was 139, yesterday was 146.6 and today 143.3 so I am still battling a lot of swelling.

Whee! Still on the mend

No pictures for you today, but they look look like yesterday's anyway. A little swollen, a lot carved up. I got to take a shower this morning, which was way cool. Still have one drain, which ill yank tomorrow. I'm still poppin drugs and am not in much pain.

Today's "what they'll never tell you" story is about my va-jayjay. Lots of lipo there, remember? Well, they don't tell you you swell up like horse's balls Dow there. It's horrific. If I should you a pic, it would be unrecognizable as a part of human anatomy. Doesn't hurt, just. Really. Ufcks. With. Your. Head. Something about the gravity and blood settling and what not, believe me it is the stuff of nightmares. :)

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Pain Pump

When I booked the surgery, I was given an option of a $500 pain pump that bathed your ravaged muscles in lidocaine or some other numbing med for three days after surgery.

Optional, but recommended. Yeah, I think I woke up at 4a when it emptied out today. By my 11 am appt I was like, so couldn't we just refill it? By 6:30 tonight I am drugged and missing my pain pump. :(

If you are ever in a position to choose, get the pain pump! I have a feeling this would be a very different week without it, haha.

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