Picture Reprieve - You're Welcome!

No pictures of me today - Merry Christmas! Haha, sorry, I know I've been bombarding the blog. In my defense, when I was pre-op, before and after pictures were my life's blood...I was reading blogs, forums, wherever I could soak up pictures of people who had gotten out of my miserable situation. And so, you see, I post a bazillion pictures because I care about humanity. Take that, altruistic spirit!

I am, however, date-ready this morning. I am being picked up right at the park and ride after work, and we are going to dinner and a movie. We're planning to see "Like Crazy," which won Sundance awards and looks good. Truthfully, the movie is already a bit up in the air, since the timing is going to be tight and we have already both agreed it might be more fun to spend more time hanging out and talking and walking around the mall. We also both have side missions - office Christmas parties on Thursday for which gifts must be purchased. I don't actually think we'll be making the movie.

Which sort of wrinkled my plans for the evening's attire! I was planning to wear "the boots," you know, the sexy high heel black leather boots. This is not a problem for dinner and a movie. It becomes questionable for an evening walking around a huge, crowded mall with someone I don't know very well. He shouldn't already be subjected to me being whiny and bitchy. That's the sort of thing you have to dole out in small doses, haha.  To compromise, I did not wear the boots to work today - instead, I am in my cute new tennies with my date outfit. This will preserve some longevity for walking around in those mofos tonight.

(Hmm, I feel like I'm going to have to post a picture of me today, anyway...we'll see. I'll check with Sabrina when I see her and see if she wants to photograph me or chuck my camera at me when I ask. Such a naughty photo whore I am these days!)

I will give you a couple pictures, though. Firstly, I want to say that I have lost the equivalent of this boy. He is 106 pounds, and I have actually now lost 107. I intend to take a picture of him on my back, but I picked him up last night and he is freaking HEAVY! Holy smokes!!

My boy, Blake, who loves his mama so much and is always trying to pick me up now. :) This kid is pure gold.

And here's another picture - your dose of blood and gore for the morning! Mind you, I had a *busy* morning planned! Dress for the date, make sure I have everything, take out the stinking garbage cans to the street, get the kiddos fed and off to school, etc.

As SOON as I stepped out of the shower, I hear my daughter coming up the stairs sobbing. She stepped, barefoot, on a piece of broken glass. Stupid fluorescent light bulb fell off a shelf in the night (it was NOT there when I closed up the house last night). I removed this hunk of glass that had gone *straight up* into the sole of her foot. It was so awful. I pray that none broke off in her foot. Our house looks like Helter Skelter with the blood trails and pooling. She is very sore, but seems okay - I am calling the pediatrician this morning to confirm that her tetanus booster is up to date. Poor little baby. :(

Holy crud, that hurt both of us.

Kicky New 'Do

I am woefully behind in my preventive maintenance spa treatments. I got that cute hair cut earlier this year, but have dreaded maintaining it because my budget is so tight it squeaks! $70 haircuts are not my style. But today I went back to my old guy, who is right across the street from work and I can pretty much drop in. He's "only" $45, and he's super great, anyway. Stick with what's easy and convenient! I also jetted over and had my eyebrows waxed. Yes, I am getting myself "date ready" for the weekend! ;)

Anyway, here's my kicky new 'do (not much different, just back to where I had it). And I was reading through the blog from the early days, so I'm including a couple reference pictures.

Kim gave me this shirt when I saw her this summer. It was too tight then, it's much looser now!

This was the week after my surgery, before I got my hair chopped.

Here's me on another jeans and t-shirt day (e.g. most days) right after my surgery.
I have come so far, it's just incredible. I can fit my whole self into one leg of those pants now, and back when I posted this, I was happy to be able to fit in them again. :(

11 Month Post-Op: Down 106 Pounds!

When Sabrina took my picture this morning, she told me to pose like I'm showing all those pre-ops how wonderful it is to experience this...convince them the same way other people's photos convinced you! I thought that was great advice.

Who Dat Girl?

It's that time again - the monthly before and after picture! And today, I was all set for work in my jeans, baggy t-shirt and tennies, but I remembered...picture day! So you KNOW I did a quick wardrobe change, and the word of the day was "form fitting," haha.

Let's see, how shall I pontificate on the eleven month surgiversary? I am feeling GREAT. My body - let me tell you, it LIKES having the extra weight gone. Gimme a little spring in my step and everything!

I could be losing faster if I focused better. I'm eating more carby stuff than I should, and my sleeve knows the difference. Last night I ate *maybe* two ounces of a turkey burger patty, and I was filled to the gills. No more food going down that pipe. Carby stuff goes down much easier, and is much more the food that calls to me. I will spend this next month kicking it back into high gear, because mindfulness will help around the holidays.

Pre-op, I always wondered about post-op eating. I read online that people said they could eat a lot more when they got out this far. This is true. I think it will be fantastic maintenance plan - I really can eat (almost) any type of food, and not in quantities that would be embarrassingly/uncomfortably small (in a social situation, I mean). But eating smart foods - turkey burgers, hard-boiled eggs, fish, etc...that's where you see the limitations/restrictions of the sleeve. It's really a tiny tummy. My kids laugh at me because if I eat to much I get the hiccups and/or the sneezes. Last night my turkey burger had me in the hiccups for quite awhile. I am getting much better at not eating too much, haha. So, for a "regular" meal that you might find at a restaurant, I'm guessing I can eat 1/4-1/3 of a serving. For dense protein, I'm good with just a couple ounces.

I do notice a difference in how much food I can eat and whether or not I am drinking with the meal. This continues to be a real challenge for me to practice. I do not like it.

As an overeater, I continue to battle with STOPPING EATING. My stomach can't hold much. I frequently ask it to hold more than it wants to comfortably. I am happy to say, though, I am getting better and better at honoring its wishes. We get along so much better that way. :)

That's the end of the weight loss update for today. :) Now, we shall talk about boys. I am digging this new guy, and looking forward to this weekend, which, with small exceptions for some stuff I already had planned, will be spent largely with him. Yesterday, I abandoned my children snuck away for an hour and met him for coffee, it was very nice. He is easy to talk to, and smart and funny...I dare say that I figured out who he reminds me of and it is...(drumroll please)...Johnny Depp. Not in a movie star, OMG I'M DATING JOHNNY DEPP, way...although he is very cute and does have the same dark coloring and there is a resemblance. It's the kind of vibe - goateed, a little beatnik, a little offbeat, a little sumpin sumpin. When it popped into my head, it was definitely "oh yes, that's who he reminds me of," no question about it.

And hey, that's a great thing. :) I have nearly 30 years of Johnny Depp fantasies to act upon. JD has always been my "if you could run away with anyone, who would it be?" guy. I started on 21 Jump Street young and have been a loyal follower ever since. To date someone who reminds me of him? Well, that's looking like quality kid-free time to me!

Winner, Winner Chicken Dinner!

(whhhhhyyyyyyy do I have these ridiculous phrases trapped in my head? The other day it was W00T! and I'm not even sure I understand that one. What's with the zeros??)


Hello, and happy Friday to you! Oh goodness, I am right on the cusp of my 11-month post-op day (Sunday)...I will need to arrange to have kiddos take pictures this weekend. We have a busy agenda of doing gingerbread houses tomorrow and a kid's birthday party on Sunday. Maybe sneak in some pictures with Santa. So much to do! I have not bought one single Christmas present, so I need to get on the move there, too.

Okay - last night's first date goes down firmly in the win category! I'll try not to blather but I did tell a friend this morning that it was validation for getting divorced and getting to date and find someone who is a good match next time around. Other dates have been good, I've met some nice men, etc. but there's always been things where you think, 'eh, we're different in that regard, but that's workable,' etc. You know my stance on men who do not drink, haha. (inserting the now-standard blog disclaimer that I Am Not A Lush [IANAL]*, maybe I'll just make that part of the blog's acronyms so I don't have to keep saying it and you don't have to keep thinking, "sure, sure, you're not," while you mark a little tally in the "she's talking about alcohol again" column.)

*Needs better acronym

Anyway - this is funny, because I'm actually finding myself a bit hesitant to say much about the date here because I can actually envision copping to this blog's existence to him one day! He purports to love my writing and uhhh, here's gobs and gobs of it. Catching up from the beginning? That'll give you a good dose of get-it-out-of-your-system!

So, I will strike a balance between wanting to give you scoop, and wanting to pass the red-face test of "hey, I read your entry about our first date...wtf??" Okay...we met at a nice bar near my house, pretty shortly after both of us got off work. I was completely nervous, I am not a skilled dater (a coworker met her husband online and she basically made a business out of it, going on 4-5 dates per week until she ultimately met the man she would marry. Then they had a baby within a year, very much according to schedule, I'm guessing. There's some adherence to a life plan! Wooboy. Not my strategy.) and there are still some mental misalignment issues of fat-Julie and hawt-Julie that can mess with my self-confidence at times like these.

Digressing. I got there just a minute before he did so I didn't have time to a) guzzle down a glass of wine to calm my nerves (IANAL) or b) sit around and get nervous I'd be stood up. I needn't have been nervous - we clicked (Kim, that is not an online dating term, that is just a social interaction term) immediately. Ah, I was still nervous, but you know, it was good. We actually hung out there for four hours just talking and getting to know each other and having fun. Afterward, he walked me to my car, remembered my kid-schedule and asked me out for my next free night. Gave me a nice kiss and away we go! He emailed this morning that he'd had a great time and was looking forward to seeing me again. Brought up a suggestion for a third date next weekend to see if I'd be interested.

Tie that sucker up with a festive bow, that was a great first date!

Few things:

• For no particular reason, I have not disclosed my weight loss surgery status. Sabrina asked me about that this morning and I was a little befuddled. Yes, we've emailed a bunch and talked a bunch, but it just has not come up. The internal Dr. Freud in me wonders if I have not wanted it to come up? It's the sort of thing I talk freely about with friends and family and many coworkers and the World Wide Web, but nope, I haven't brought it up. I'm not ashamed of WLS or anything...maybe just not wanting to paint a picture of my former self before my current self is established in one's mind. 
• I had the opportunity, last night, I suppose, as I suggested we split a burger and then of my portion, you know I only ate a few bites then turned it over to him...really, this would have been a great time and I did think of saying something but we were busily chatting about something else. I did not feel like saying "Pardon me, I would like to interrupt this interesting conversation to say that I have a teeny tummy."
• This is really just a general dating observation and even more so a commentary about myself, but prior to the date I was full of little mini-reservations...he's so nice in his emails, what if he's a puss pushover? (He's not, haha. I saw signs of that same sorta-crass humor and he's very much at my energy/spirit level.) BOY - can you see my divorce scars? My ex was a real mild-tempered fellow and I have to say, I walked all over that... Haha, I thought I had a list of reservations that I could address here, but really, I think that was the one I feared most. You are articulate and funny and smart and I have been enjoying the hell out of talking to you...please God, don't be TOO NICE or I will be so incredibly disappointed. I am ridiculous, I see this now. :) But at the same time, I am me, and that's how I roll. No milquetoasts allowed at my party.

Okay, so there's the restrained version of the date recap. I really did have fun and am looking forward to seeing him again. Also, the potential there leaves me with clear conscience in doing what I told my Sugar Daddy yesterday I was going to do, whether last night's date was win, lose or draw. I'm taking the online profile down until after the holidays. This dating stuff is mentally exhausting!

Weight Loss Stuff and Life Stuff

It's a WLS blog, and don't you forget it! At very nearly 11 months post-op, there aren't a lot of new revelations about the weight loss process or the surgery itself going on right now. I'll jot down some thoughts I've been thinking:

• Gastric sleeve is the new normal. I honestly feel "normal" and don't feel like a bariatric surgery patient, e.g., I think my mind and such are all caught up with "this is just how I am" now. I don't spend much time thinking about how my innards have been changed, etc.
• The new normal is pretty different, for me, from the old normal. I'm one of the few patients that has different food issues post-op. Primarily lactose intolerance, but I don't "blame" the surgery for that, because I was already struggling with that a bit before surgery. It was definitely amplified post-op. So when I read Sheila's post about yummy Greek yogurt concoctions, I know that whew, boy, I couldn't touch a 6-ounce yogurt without rolling around on the floor in pain! But FUNNY - I can eat frozen yogurt no problem. Maybe since I just get these tiny portions...anyway, I can eat Greek yogurt, too, but just the tiniest bit or it makes my stomach hurt. Cottage cheese also makes my stomach hurt. Spicy foods...tabasco sauce...overly peppery things...these are the ones that pain my heart to have to cut back on so much. Me likey spicy! My sleeve...not so much.
• Oh! I thought of this when I was going through the medicine cabinet this morning. I saw a anti-nausea patch from my surgery in there. At the time, I thought I had screwed up my eyes by touching the patch and rubbing my eyes. I don't think so now - I think after the anesthesia, my eyes were screwed up for a few days. Just a little out of focus. That hadn't happened to me with prior surgeries (and I've had a bunch, ha). It was like old-woman eyes accelerated. And sadly, I am starting to learn about old-woman eyes first hand. Sigh.
• You can be every bit as stupid post-op as you were pre-op. I still have many times where I eat until I'm overstuffed. It hurts, it is a bad feeling. I have long heart to heart talks with myself about how silly it is to cause myself pain with food. So while the physical logistics of stuffing a big tummy are different than stuffing a sleeved tummy, you can still cause damage to yourself.
• I am honestly, genuinely getting so much better with my eating! I've always been a good eater with a big appetite. I eat veggies and nutritious foods and all that. But post-op, it is amazing the choices you make just continue to get better and better (if you allow yourself that wisdom). It's funny how you just naturally start weeding out the bad foods: this doesn't sit well in my tummy, that will leave me feeling hungry soon, this will taste good and fill me up. I feel like I'm making all these grown-up choices I was supposed to be making all along, hahaha. Love it!

That's enough of that for now. I am so happy to be where I am, so happy to have had the surgery. Last night, my parents met me at my daughter's orchestra concert. Of searching for me in the bleachers, my mom said, "I had to remind your dad that we're looking for a tiny woman now!" :)

Life stuff - my needed car repairs turned out to be a non-issue! Well, a bit of an issue. I took the car to my neighborhood shop, which I love, and no one, including blog readers, is allowed to 'dis. Love them and they have been good to me and I trust them.

Which makes it harder to say that I want to kick their arses right now. But I love them, and they meant well, and everyone has a "miss" now and then. My car was intermittently losing power, at the most inconvenient of times. Typically when I was accelerating from a stop light or stop sign. BAM! No power. Lots of engine lights, engine still running but not revving, car not going anywhere. Turn off the engine, wait a minute or two (an INTERMINABLY long time when you are stuck in the middle of an intersection!!)...car starts and runs fine. Little car drives perfectly every second until it is doesn't. And then you're stuck in the middle of the darn street.

The neighborhood shop ran the engine codes, checked things out, said they *hoped* it was the accelerator sticking and the associated accelerator computer module freaking out. They could not replicate the problem, of course. They had it in a couple times (without charge) and said they thought replacement was the best course of action. If it wasn't the accelerator stuff, sadly, it was going to be the car's central computer (power control module) and that was going to be big bucks. So for about $280 out the door, they replaced this stuff. Several days later: same problem. I bring it back in, they say it's going to be that module, which I'll need to take it to a dealership for.

Yesterday, I took it to the dealership. Here's the good news/bad news part. Dealership calls me up: problem is a frayed wire. A something or 'nother resting on a something or 'nother, shorting out, causing the loss of power, causing the engine codes, etc.

That'll be $125 for the diagnostics (that my shop does for free, ummm, when they get it right) and $65 for the labor. "Can I have the old wiring harness to take back and show the shop?" I ask. (They had blah-blah-blah'd about a wiring harness.) No - there's nothing that needed replaced, they just fixed the wire. Uh, I think I bought about $400 worth of electrical tape on this project, plus untold time loss spent broken down in intersections with sweat dripping down my face.

Now. I will take the invoice back to the original shop (not having any frayed wire to produce), just because they will want to know what the issue really is. It's not like they could return the parts they put in my car. I would love it if they would say something like "Gosh, your next coupla oil changes are on us!" But I won't push it. I am a little vexed, but will survive.

Dating. I am meeting the Capricorn tonight after work. We'll see. Gosh, we've emailed so much over the last several days, meeting him seems like a mere formality...but also weird. I don't like online dating. This is something I plan to pull from my repertoire (although that is hard, because really, it's the most accessible path to dating). I'm nervous meeting him - I can get pretty sick feeling about just showing up to the place. Really, he is the one I have enjoyed emailing with the most since I've dabbled in online dating. Smart, funny, interesting. Ugh, he has no money, of course. But a good job and his act together. Really, for this transitional time, I'm willing to accept "can take care of yourself." I believe my online profile actually has the phrase "GROWN-ASS MAN" in it, hahahaha. (Remind me of a little sidebar to this that I should write about next.) It would be so convenient for me to "marry up" next time around. Really, if I met someone who's income matched mine, we could darn near be a power couple. Not one of the 1%, but, you know. Doing good. Also, if I received child support or didn't have kids, neither of which are viable options, I'd be living quite comfortably. Thus is my lot in life, to earn a good living but be cobbling together money for SBUX tea from my change stash in my desk. ;)

Try that Again

Don't say that I didn't accomplish important work on my last volunteer shift. I took this picture, didn't I?

Boy, howdy. I had the WORST day yesterday, I don't even know if I can write about it. But it's over now, and today I woke up sans migraine and all is sorta right in the world. 'Though I am expecting a few difficult phone calls this afternoon (special ed director at youngest's school, auto shop about pricey repairs on car now that I proved, with my broken down car last night, that last week's $300 repairs were not the problem, and an intake call with a special ed learning type center). Yikes, maybe I'll unplug the phone. Hide, hide!

Anyway, better day today, thus far. And I have decided to ditch the Republican, although in fairness, it is hard to know whether or not I would have been ditched first. You know, when I first met him, one of the things that cracked me up was his writing - we had texted back and forth a bit. False presentation of actual communication levels, I tell you. I've decided to ditch him, but remember, by the time my last kid-free Saturday night was rolling around, I had pretty much figured he had already done it. We're not talking a lot of communication here, although we had seen each other quite a lot during my kid-free period. So it wasn't a booty-call kind of thing, but you could see it sort of feeling like a "we'll talk when it's convenient for me" sort of thing. Doesn't feel right. And seriously, who takes scuba and flying lessons at the same time?? Pick an element and master it, I always say. (I have actually never had cause to say that, until now.)

Regardless. I decided it would be better to bag that one because of several things, his seeming lack of interest being at the top of that list, hahahaha. I should call him up and tell him I don't want to see him anymore because he doesn't want to see me. That'd teach him! I'm looking for more of a dating and chatting sort of thing. I'm probably too into the chatting, which is pretty much just me, but also maybe a little red-flaggish for neediness/loneliness that I would find off-putting. This is a potential flaw in me, but I'm good with it for right now. Gawd knows that the Teetotaler and his "accidental" calls were driving me up a flipping tree.  Something to watch.

Where on earth was I going with this?? Ah, communication skills. I can't stand a man who rambles or loses his train of thought, bahahaha. No, seriously, I love a man who can write well. My definition of write well is make me laugh and say funny things. Smart things, too, but mostly funny things. I know it when I see it. Men are almost always guaranteed to win me over through the written word.

So, I still have this online profile up, and I cringe to even think of reading it, because while I love to write, I hate, hate, hate to write for an online profile. Plus, I had three friends read it before posting, one HATED it, one HATED the version I wrote to placate the friend who hated the first one, which she loved, and the third simply said, "men are visual creatures, just put good pictures." Ugh, that was a tough day! Interestingly, now that I am edging into the hottie-pa-tottie category, I really do have to say that many men seem to read the profile, too.

Okay- again I'm rambling. Got an email from a guy, it was nice, a little boring, but definitely not the "U pretty, want 2 talk?" variety. I checked out his profile, very nice. I laughed a couple times. We have emailed back and forth a few times, he is funny and interesting. It is not lost on me that writing to him is a little like writing to myself. Just call me Queen Narcissus. Plus his birthday is only two days off mine, so that may explain the shared sense of humor. Common astrological wisdom says that Capricorns are not supposed to date each other, too. We'll see. I'll keep ya posted.

Wouldn't You Know It?

The Republican doesn't drink, either. But that's in that nice, you'd never even notice it, sort of way. Hmm, when we met he was drinking *something* that night...we've gone out to dinner a couple times and didn't get cocktails, etc. Then yesterday, I offered him some wine, and nope, he doesn't drink. Ah well, he falls into the Yay-Me-It's-a-Fun-Designated-Driver category!

Perhaps. We spent the bulk of the weekend together, I really like him and he is fun. It is probably not a great fit, but it is a fun-for-now fit. I don't think he's all that into me. We talk lots about him, and what he's into and all that good stuff - I ask lots of questions, and he really is interesting. He doesn't ask a lot of questions about me...I'm just not feeling it. For now, it's cool. He has said, when we talked about meetup.com functions and stuff, that he is pretty shy and not good at meeting and getting to know people. He's definitely a lone-wolf-ish sort of type, I'd say, but it's a funny contrast with all those hobbies and such. So, for me, I can say I'm not feeling like he's all that into me, and maybe that's just the way he is. I ultimately want someone who's all that into me, haha.

It's funny to describe, though, I can't quite put my finger on it or put it into words. He'll talk about whatever, if I bring something up about me we talk about that. He's a good conversationalist and a very nice, funny and witty guy. Odd. We'll just see how it plays out from here.

Back to the first teetotaler, I had to text him yesterday and ask him to delete my phone number from his phone. I said that I had gotten so many pocket-dialed calls and hangup calls (like one short ring - not me answering it) from him, it made me very uncomfortable. He immediately texted back and apologized and said he had no idea and it would not happen again.  It hasn't. That was getting really annoying. Twice in a short period yesterday when I was volunteering I got two one-ring calls from him, and I had had enough.

The whole thing is kind of exhausting, really. :) I both have lots of time to date and very little time to date. G (we're going to call him G, and not the Republican anymore, since has he really only made one Republicany statement, we can't call that a predominant flaw, hahahaha) - anyway, G and I were talking today about when we would get together again - uh, between the two of us, it's two weeks from Saturday. This is not exactly lighting the dating world on fire, haha. And him being the way he is, I can pretty safely bet that I won't hear from him again until that two weeks is pretty close to up.

It's not really what I'm looking for. :) Well, *he* would be more of what I were looking for, if I was feeling like it was a mutual thing. I think, even though my kid-schedule limits me to half-time, I'm looking for someone with a little more time.

Exceeding Expectations

Yeah, baby! (Ugh, the space bar on this computer is stuck, so forgive me in advance for any space bar transgressions.)

More than 85% of my excess weight lost, thereby exceeding my surgeon's stated "65%-85% of excess weight lost after surgery" range! W00T!! (I have never in my life said or typed "W00T" but that must be what I'm feeling this morning, haha. I am closing in on you, goal weight!!

Last night, I steeled my nerves and went to a meetup.com singles party at an artists' work space in Seattle (www.gasworksgallery.com). I didn't need to be nervous, it wasn't really a party, so much as an open house. I didn't hang around long to mingle, but that was mostly because I was wearing my sexy boots all day at work and my feet were K-I-L-L-I-N-G me by then. So I hung out briefly, then again pushed myself to go to a meetup.com event at a bar watching a live band. Almost exclusively women at the meetup, but they were very nice and I had a good time. Left early because I am volunteering today.

Tonight, I was planning on going to a meetup.com singles holiday party, but it had a couple challenges. It's in Everett, which is far. I don't normally mind far, I suppose. Also, it's holiday dress, and I have no holiday dress. Uh, hello - I put on the Old Navy size 16 dress that I do have and would work, let me tell you that I put it on my pulling it over my head without unzipping it (the zipper is problematic) and I am SWIMMING in it. Looks like a gunny sack. :) But I figured I'd work on going, again, that's a nerves thing for me, so once I do it once, I am more likely to do it again.

However - the Republican called! We're going out tonight after I finish my shift. I am reserving judgment (well, not really, I am actually all judgey about it, haha). I'm not sure if I said, but he is my age and has been single a long time. He is really good at it. :) He has tons of interests and hobbies and much, much, much that keeps him busy. And the money to do it with. I don't think he's actually looking for a girlfriend or someone to share much of his life with. This doesn't mesh too well with what I'm looking for, except for the part where I don't want to mix my kids with my dating life for the foreseeable future. Um, I don't think it is problematic for him that I am only available every other weekend, haha. So I will go out with him because he is fun, but I gotta say - I don't think this one's going anywhere.

That Rejection Thing Cuts Both Ways, You Know

It would appear that I am not going to hear from the Republican again. Even as I call-screened a call from the Teetotaler earlier this week, I was hoping the Republican would make an appearance. (Maybe dating would go better if I stopped calling these men by silly nicknames - do you think they objected to being characterized this way??) Golly, look at us rejecting each other all over the place. :)

Ah well. When I have tried online dating in the past and felt rejected, I have reminded myself that heck, you don't even click as *friends* with most people you meet - throwing an online profile out there, the odds of clicking with someone romantically are even slimmer. Hmm, I'm rethinking my statement about not clicking as friends with most people - is that true? I'm going to say yes. I tend to have a small cluster of really great friends, and once we're bonded, it's a lifelong sort of thing. I'm not one to have ten gabillion facebook friends - instead, I have ten people I could call for bail and a ride home, hahaha.

(Here, I was looking for a picture online of this funny sign hanging inside one of the police precincts. The top half is a drawing of two stick figures carrying a couch, and it's captioned "Friends." The bottom half is of two stick figures carrying a third, passed out stick figure. It's captioned "Best Friends." Cracks me the heck up every time I see it, haha. But I couldn't find that picture online, although my search did turn up this one, which also made me laugh...)

Gosh, all this talk of alcohol and passing out this week - y'all are going to think I'm a lush. Ain't true.

On the weight loss front, I stand before you, the stupidest woman alive. Last night, I ate probably three ounces of cheddar cheese. Shortly after, I followed it with a small bowl of cereal. I was binge eating, gastric sleeve style, haha. Anyway, I hit the lactose intolerance mega-bonanza bullseye, and spent the rest of the evening sitting on the toilet while I puked into the garbage can. And the furnace was off and it was freezing. It was the height of human suffering. Well, maybe that's a slight exaggeration.

So this morning, feeling cleansed and fresh and ready to start a new day...I had two pieces of Almond Roca for breakfast. I am literally sitting here at my desk wanting to puke in my garbage can. Almost *hoping* I'll puke in the garbage can.

Foolish, foolish woman. Get thee some common sense.

That's Just Twisted.

Here on my blog, I can confess anything - and this morning I choose to confess that I took a picture of my skin suit last night. :) Ack!!

Here's what happened. I have been feeling really great about my weight loss and my new body. There are skin issues, however. They are not horrific, but they definitely have given me pause. :) I am rolling and folding boobs into push-up bras (which I tell my friend is blatant false advertising). I have odd little puffs of soft, wrinkly skin like where my "side boobs" used to be, etc. Taking a bath is interesting: loose skin floats. Gah!!!

So last night, I'm laying in bed, buck nekked, watching tv. I scratch my back and notice that my skin has made a little fold along the curve of my spine. Ew. Gravity has let all that too-big skin fall, so in that position, I had an odd little vertical fat roll (except I was horizontal, haha, just try to bear with me as I paint this mental picture).

My iPhone is my alarm clock, and it is plugged into the charger right next to the bed, and I figure, "what the hell, I want to see what's going on here." I decide to take a picture.

NOTE TO OTHERS: DO NOT TAKE A PICTURE OF YOUR SKIN SUIT!! Especially while lying down!

This will give you an idea of what my skin suit looks like.

I may be scared scarred for life. I tend to think of the loose skin as being my belly and boobs, and to a lesser extent, my upper thighs.

Uh, it's more than that.

The good news is that...it's okay!! Mama, I am 104 pounds lighter than I was not even 11 months ago. My skin will catch up. Or not. I will correct it with plastic surgery. Or not. Either way, it's all good.

Hey, besides loose skin, I have tons of BONES!! Two hundred six of them, to be exact, and most of them, I didn't even know were lurking under all that fat. It was a momentous occasion when I first rediscovered my hip bones jutting out there on top. Now, I can easily feel the shape of my whole pelvis (well, I guess the side of it, you know what I mean). Bones. Who knew?? I also have lots of muscles - it is crazy to be able to feel them, too.

In more twisted information, I am still working on this uterine ablation/tubal ligation thing. Honestly, when I read about the uterine ablation eliminating the lining of the uterus, ipso facto, not being able to carry a pregnancy...well, when my GYN insisted that I still needed birth control, I thought maybe we were engaged in a philosophical argument about fertilized eggs. I was a little peeved - was I having the tubal ligation to mollify his pro-life stance? He's an older gentleman, I am a single woman with a brood of children - just some of the things he said made me feel...hmm, a bit on edge.

Then I googled 'pregnancy after ablation' and read about all these joyous women who were able to successfully carry babies to term through high-risk pregnancies even after having uterine ablation. Even after they thought they'd never have more children again.

Uh, I'm getting the tubal ligation, too. Eeep. You'll get no more argument out of me, good sir. I envision me, sobbing hysterically in a corner, while my four+ children clamor all over me, demanding food and book fair money and why-didn't-you-save-money-for-our-college-tuition-mommy???